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My stuff can be ordered with a credit card at the bookstore on this website. There is a printable order form at the bottom of that page. Email patiencepress[at]alltell.net for information on ordering. My email is ptg [at] patiencepress [dot] com Because of the war, the links below are for veterans. More links on the links page. Older guestbook entries can be read here. Several really helpful sites for wives of veterans who have PTSD: A letter about getting service connected for PTSD is on the bulletins page. Find an informed service officer through VVA, VFW, DAV, PVA or the American Legion. Many states and counties also have Veterans Service Officers. Use google to find them. Add to the Guestbook |
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GRAPHIC DETAILS at the start of any posts indicates that it might be triggering for some people. |
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I just found this website this evening. Recently, my husband and I started going to a counselor for his PTSD. I truly believe it has been the best thing we have ever done. We have been married for two years now and up until about a year and a half ago I did not know he had PTSD. My husband was embarrased and ashamed about it. Since about a month before we got married to the present he has been physical ill with Vomiting, nausea, flashbacks, nightsweats, severe intrusive thoughts and memory loss. It truly breaks my heart to see what he has had to endure and what he has to continue to endure. Since, I have educated myself about PTSD and started counseling with him, we are learning to cope. One thing that our counselor had told us was that my husband finally feels safe enough to fall apart. I think she ment that he has covered these feelings up for so long it has taken a physical toll on his body. It all seems very overwhelming to me but, I truly have a great respect for anyone who has been in the military and who is currently serving, and their families. Before my husband, I had know idea what individuals with PTSD are going through as well as there families. It is not something our families knows very much about and do not know that they understand. I do find it comforting that we are not alone and we can reach out to a larger family going throught the same thing for comfort. Excellent website! J. J. USA - Friday, January 20, 2006 at 02:13:02 (EST) ________________________________________ Dear Patience Thank you for your writings about how to recover from trauma. My husband has a recurring illness which is being treated but at times (like now) it is very traumatic for me and my son (my husband's medication is being changed at present). Also of course I have my own traumas and your article has helped my perspective and eased me (the way you wrote it) and I feel that it will also help my son by my understanding that every one is human and is affected by trauma. I sort of felt this but when you write it so clearly it has helped me more deeply. Thank you for pointing out the bumpy bits. Very best wishes and I look forward to the day when I have accepted more so that I can be helpful to other people. Louise Trowbridge, Wiltshire UK - Thursday, January 05, 2006 at 15:38:16 (EST) ________________________________________ dear patience, a vet turned me onto your book and i have ordered two, one for my brother; a vietnam vet ( i had two brothers in nam and one stateside) and one for my niece. She has just returned from irag as an officer. i think she may resist the book, denial, but i will send it and if you have any words that i might add to her for her to read the book, please do. I was pleasantly surprised to see you are in high springs, i left in 1981 and had land in a deserted subdivision called columbia acres. i miss florida, although Hawaii has had me captivated for all this time. i may be returning to gainesville due to family. all my aloha for your awesome journey and maybe your name has had a key role in your abilities... Patience!!! aloha, christa Pahoa, HHI USA - Friday, December 30, 2005 at 14:33:40 (EST) ________________________________________ GRAPHIC DETAILSDear bob and patience im a gulf war vet from 91 to me it wasnt the war thats messing with my head.it was my so called brothers or my buddies they raped me and i dont no how to recover there is so many things that go around in my mind i dont understand why they betrayed me. im in a group at the va hospital but its like im stuck i already went crazy and lost my mind so i cant allow that any more. i told the ships doctor after a while and it just excited him and he use to always like to touch me or do prostate exams he wanted to have sex with me but i wouldnt so while in the service he use to take care of my medical records you no he hooked them up and deleted some things and in returnhe use to like to touch me it was terrible but i was enlisted and he said he could take care of my recordsotherwise he had to tell the captain i had consensual sex with other guys and i would be discharged with an dishonorable discharge and i couldnt go home like that. its hard because there are days i feel so dirty and disgusted with myself. thanks for your time. milwaukee, wisc USA - Tuesday, December 27, 2005 at 07:49:38 (EST) Thanks and welcome home. I have met more than one service man who has had this kind of experience, which is of course a traumatic stressor. You can feel dirty without being dirty. Those guys and that doctor are the dirty ones. I wish you well. ________________________________________ I'm very interested in current studies on PTSD. Sylvia, Soulsbyville, CA USA - Monday, December 26, 2005 at 02:41:50 (EST) ________________________________________ Thank you for your web site and for relating your, and your husband's, experiences with PTSD. I am a 48-year-of-age female, the youngest of my parents' 6 children. My father was one of the youngest UDTs to serve in WWII, his first assignment after UDT training being D-Day (Omaha Beach). What was left of his team after that was sent to various other places within very short periods of time between each mission. My mother had always related that Dad had gone into the Navy a fresh-faced, 18-year-old kid (on his 18th birthday, as a matter of fact), and had come back a few years with the look and demeanor of an old man. We all lived with Dad's PTSD; of course, that was not the name for it back then, and there didn't seem to be anybody available to help us cope with this. It was nightmarish at times; we seemed to develop 'duck-and-dodge' personality characteristics. Sometimes we couldn't even smile at Dad without being viciously chewed out for whatever was making us smile. It rendered most of us kids with a very low sense of self-esteem, and I won't even go into the details of what it did to my mother. She had borne him 6 children in 8 years' time, and she was frazzled besides. Mom and Dad both lived with this a total of 50-1/2 years; Dad passed away in January 1999, and she passed away 6 months after that with the cancer she already had when he died. My family has been ripped to pieces over the PTSD; in addition, there have been other factors involved, such as the difficulties of Dad's and Mom's upbringing, each with their own childhood memories to cope with. I have brothers and sisters I haven't seen since Mom's funeral in August '99, and I hadn't seen some of them for 19 years prior to that. What led me to your web site, in a roundabout way, was an article I found while browsing a university medical professions site, written by a professor there, titled "The Unseen Wounds of War." One thing led to another, and I started searching the internet for PTSD web pages. Which led me to your web page. Of interest also to me is that I had remembered hearing and reading about somebody with the nickname "Chickenhawk," and thus I read on. I am an Army veteran of 10 years service, the only one of us kids who served in the military, but not in a combat zone. I am desperate for some healing to begin in my family, before it is too late. My eldest sibling is 56 now. Mom and Dad are both gone, and Mom's only sibling (a brother), who was my dad's best buddy from childhood, now has the same cancer Mom had. He turned 79 this past autumn. I'll be rummaging around your web site here and there for information, and will be searching for somebody, perhaps an intermediary type of social worker in my general region, who would be willing to help on a long-distance basis somehow. (My siblings are located coast to coast, literally.) Now all I have to do is talk my siblings into actively participating. Aye, there's the rub. Thank you for your selflessness in relating your experiences; I greatly appreciate it, and perhaps my family will also in time. M R USA - Monday, December 19, 2005 at 17:57:08 (EST) ________________________________________ My uncle, Leonard Matthes, Col., USAF (RET) died yesterday. He was an instructor pilot at Napier Field, AL, during WWII and at Craig Field, AL, during and after the Korean War. His children and I would appreciate hearing from those who knew him at any time during his career. Thanks. ________________________________________ ________________________________________ Hi Patience, I love you madly and the most! Hey, I almost died the other day, and your life flashed before my eyes! What does that mean??? Am I crazy? LOL. Ah,just crazy about you sissy! Oh, and just kidding, Jim's life still flashed before my eyes. I guess I'm a hopeless codependent! He's still my life. (I just don't try to contol him as much thanks to you!) Just wanted to thank you again for helping us both heal, in the aftermath of war! Thanks for teaching us both how NORMAL we really are. Stay safe and well on your journey dear friend. My love to your adorable hubby Bob. All our love, always, Jim and Chris Woolnough http://groups.msn.com/AftermathofwarcopingwithPTSDtoo/welcome.msnw USA - Sunday, October 30, 2005 at 08:54:04 (EST) Patience, I am a returning OIF2 vet. I served a tour in 2004. The war was the easier of the two battles I'm fighting now. The battle with PTSD is almost overwhelming. As bad as it is for me my wife and two sons are seeing the results. Thank you for comming up with this website to allow families of vets to know that they are not fighting these battles alone. I read both Chickenhawk books and often wondered what you thought about what your husband was going through. Hi Patience: Just yesterday I had lovely email exchanges with Chris, but am still left with an unresolved problem. I had written that I have a brother and several friends who are Vietnam vets with PTSD. They had previously been active as both givers and receivers of support and were peer counselors on PTSDpeace.org-an alliance that is underused and currently poorly led. So, retired psychiatric social worker that I am, I went resource-hunting (finding resources for vets and their families is something I did on the aforementioned site). Saw Brothers Bound by Honor-but it has no forum or chat room or message boards where vets can "talk" to each other. Then Chris clarified that "Aftermath" is for family members. I asked her if it was possible to add a board for vets, but she felt that would not be possible. There are dozens of websites that offer all the information anyone could ever want about recognizing, treating, coping with PTSD and a wealth of info about VA support (which has only scattered hospital/clinic locales for support groups). And here is a wonderful website (yours) that has so much going on-but only for the relatives. Any ideas about something I may have missed? My brother (in Texas), friend Pat (in Arizona) and friend Kathy (all vets with PTSD) had been monitoring cries for help on the alliance forum as well as receiving phone calls and emails. I was the one who would fill in if someone else wasnt immediately available to say "hang in there-you will be hearing from another vet". Also, did the searching for resources-new info, etc. I am at a loss for knowing how this battle tested team could find a way to communicate online with other vets. They stand ready to offer (non profesional) support-or to ask for it themselves. And I think of all the husbands and other relatives of your active members, and I wonder-is there no way to get all these guys and gals together - able to talk to each other online? Am counting on your years of experience and your creativity and "grit" to come up with an idea! Thanks for taking time to read this and give it some thought. Ruth Ray Incidentally, still in NY but to live in Pa effective Saturday> And needless to say, this was not a typical guest sign in, but an effort to communicate with you. I was told about this newsletter by a PTSD sufferer who has been receiving treatment much longer than my husband. One of the first things I noted was a Veteran nurse who said" Who's taking care of Patience?" I have arrived at that point and am now very angry that since 1972 everyone, family, friends,etc. have been focused on my husband and no one has ever thought "what about Susan"? I am just beginning to realize that I have a great deal of stored up anger and disappointment and no place to air it. I never thought,"what about me?" I just kept going. I guess I have arrived at a place where I am now thinking "Is this the way it will always be? Is there no hope for what I remember as normal? Does no one care how I feel?" Certainly it is more obvious since we have no one living with us any longer. Both kids are grown and out of the house. I tend to focus on groups, projects andything that will take me away from the issues at home. Things my husband and I used to do together are no longer of interest to him and if I ask him to participate he sits in the corner by himself and friends say "Poor R--, what is the matter?" I don't know where to go for help - I go to Al-Anon, he is a recovering alcoholic, and I deal with my own issues as best I can. I wss very ill in 1996 and my husband refused to help mr because he thought I was making it all up. 3 months later, following 10 days in the hospital and the doctor telling my husband that I almost died, still makes no difference. He says to this day "I thought it was all in your head" I feel, to this day, strong anger and hurt. Throughout his entire 33 years of struggle I have stood behind him and just one time, one time when I needed something, I received nothing. Do I need help? You bet. Susan I've been in treatment for more than 10 years for PTSD. Thanks to the Veterans Administration in Boston, MA, my life is a bit better today than it was before hand. Thank you for putting this web site up. I'm sure it has helped many. I just had a book published about my service in Vietnam and PTSD. It was officially released March 31st of this year. Please visit my web site for more details. Thank you... God Bless and welcome home!!! Hi Patience, my name is Bruce Betner and I am a Vietnam Vet (67-68 Marine Corp) who has been in recovery since 1991. I struggled with PTSD from 68 until 1988 when I finally got help at the VA in Menlo Park, California. I am now a member of South Jersey Viet Nam Veterans. I currently hold the position of Director of Counseling at my local Church and their Community Center. I admire the work that you do and was wondering what it would take for us to host your seminar here at our facility. We are in South Jersey, about 30 minutes from Atlantic City off the Atlantic City Expressway. We have a brand new, state of the art facility and I am in the process of developing my 2006 calandar. I would be honored to host your seminar here. Do you think that you and your sponsers would consider South Jersey?
I appreciate your kind remarks. Hi Patience, Received you site from Ed Madara. It is really very interesting. I have been trying to get something start here in NC. My son was a vet from the first Iraq war. In January of 2004, he committed suicide. After talking to a VA rep, I was told he sounded like he had PTSD. I didn't even know what PTSD was. After going through his medical records, I found where he had ask for help and the VA told him there wasn't room for him. This is why I want to do something for the soldiers coming home. They deserve more than they are getting. Right know I have Senator Dole investigating my son's company records to see where he was in Iraq and what possible things that could have happened to him to cause him to do this. I want to make sure other people know what to look for and what you are doing is a good thing. Thank you for doing what you are doing. Nancy Sanders an angry mother of a vet soliers I am so sorry for your loss and I agree with you completely.
I have been dating a very successful, but divorced Viet Nam Vet for a year and a half. During that time, he has continuously expressed his love for me. Now he has removed himself completely, told me not to call his home or work, yet one day he will write and e-mail about how much he loves me & the next day he never wants to see me again in his life. Help, please help. You may be facing his unconscious fear of your dying on him so he goes back and forth about closeness. Many vets lost buddies to whom they were very close. Sometimes they were killed, sometimes wounded and medevacked, sometimes they went home and left the vet in the field, sometimes the vet went home and left his buddies in the field.
I have been trying to purchase 10 copies each of Why is Daddy Like He is? and Why is Mommy Like She is? since May 19, 2005. I work at the VA Medical Center and the pamphlets would be used for patient care. The person that requested them keeps asking about them. Please let me know what the problem is. I have talked to James 5 times about this and left a voice mail August 3. Your assistance is appreciated. I hope you have worked this out! Sometimes it is a matter of getting them printed. My apologies.
Great job Patience! Marilyn Litt San Antonio, TX United States - Thursday, July 28, 2005 at 19:58:18 (EDT) I SERVIED IN VIET NAM 67' THO 68' WAS IN THE ARMY MY JOB WAS NOT ONE I EVER PLANED ON DOING LET ALONE EVER THOUGHT WOULD END UP DOING, FOR I WAS A "G R MAN" FROM THE TIME I WAS DRAFTED TIL THE TIME I FINALLY GOT IN COUNTRY I NEVER HAD TO DEAL WITH MY JOB AT HAND. IT WAS NOT UNTILL ABOUT A WEEK IN COUNTRY THAT I SAW MY FIRST "K.I." [KILLED INACTION] AN IT WAS NOT LIKE ANY THING I HAD EVER EVEN THOUGHT IT WOULD BE LIKE, IN THE FIRST 2 MONTHS I SAW OVER 600 K.I.'S , ONE DAY OVER 300 CAME IN WE ONLY HAD ENOUGHT ROOM FOR 9 . MY LIFE HAS BEEN NOT AS MANY WOULD LIKE AFTER THAT I GUESS BEEN MARRIED 3 TIMES, TEND TO STAY ALONE ALOTE, AN CRY FOR NO REAL REASON AT ALL. I BROKE BACK IN 9/11 HAPPEN, BUT IT WAS NOT BECAUSE OF ALL THE DEATH, MOSTLY IT WAS FROM THE LOOK ON THE FIREMEN'S FACES.........FOR I HAVE THAT ONE LOCKED UP IN SIDE OF ME ALL THE TIME......DO I NEED HELP..........I DON'T KNOW.........HAVE I GONE TO THE V.A. HOSPITAL.......YES' .....BUT LEFT BEFOR ANY ONE COULD HELP ME OUT............WHY I DON'T KNOW IF THEY CAN HELP ME OR NOT. ONCE I WENT WHEN I FIRST GOT HOME TO A VET PLACES....THEY TOLD ME THEN THERE WERE MEN OUT THERE THAT WERE WORSE OFF THEN ME...AN THEY WOULD NOT HELP ME CAUSE I DID NOT NEED ANY. YET' I STILL CRY......WHY' HOPE LESS TO NO ENDS' JOHN Dealing with the Va is difficult and I wish you well. Thanks and welcome home! I made a mistake and ordered the wrong book (Beyond Grief). The order number is 2437. I subsequently ordered the right book (Men and Grief) from you. I tried to respond to the confirming email but my response was rejected. Would you please cancel order number 2437. Thanks. Dave Wingert You can't order that book from my website. When you click on that book or any other not by me, you are forwarded to Amazon.com. I ordered the Complete Gazette in a binder on June 29, 2005; order #2423. It has not arrived as of yet and I was wondering when I might expect shipment? Thanking you in advance for your prompt reply. Jan McClennen Jan McClennen <love2reed2@comcast.net> Vineland, NJ USA - Thursday, July 21, 2005 at 11:23:32 (EDT) Please accept my apologies and I hope you have been contacted by James, the man who ships for me out of Smart Mail Services in Alachua, FL. If not you can call him at 1-877-PATIENC. I have been dealing with PTSD for 45 years and didn't know it. My husband is a Korean veteran. One and a half years ago, he found out he had PTSD and we both started counseling through the Vet Center in Portland, Oregon. After almost one year of counseling, I was asked if I wanted to participate in a writing group sponsored by WellArts. We met, wrote and recorded our thoughts over a five month period and finally put it all together into a production called "Soldier's Heart". We had two weeks of Sold Out performances and at the end of that time, we felt like new people. I was the only wife of a veteran in the group. There was one Army nurse and six men representing four different wars. Here is a copy of my blood, sweat and tears over that period of time and what finally went into the production. I am a published poet and found this means of expressing my trauma. ACT 1 Group 1, pages 1,2,3,4 NARRATOR: Post Traumatic Stress Disorder reaches its insidious fingers into the lives of not only veterans but, (pause) wives and children are deeply affected as well. Here finally, a wife writes of her pain, and, through her poetry, releases her deepest feelings. Throughout the evening, you will hear her voice crying out to be heard. Woman: In front of curtain at corner of the blacked out stage with blue light directed down on her: Poems 1,2,3,4 Ashen dreams tossed asunder, hopes blown by uncertain winds, aching sense of loss felt deeply, a cry trapped in my soul. Wonder when it all collapsed, instead of twining we unraveled somewhere along the painful course. Back to back we drifted until sight was dimmed. Two strangers - lovers together, but apart. Page 1 My inner notes have been lulled to a whisper, The twin flames that ignited magic, flicker low. I remember exquisite vibrations filling the corners of my being. A mute thief stole our symphony and Im left with haunting echoes of the refrain. Page 2 Lashes squeeze, vitality oozes away, released unwittingly to pool in puddled fashion. Hopes are dashed, reminders of joyful moments lost and irretrievable; despondency my reality. Turmoil and trepidation replace harmony and repose. Lifes frailty - torn, blown away in tiny bits. Page 3 When love is deep, its hurts go deeper still, harsh words cut into hidden parts laid bare. Because the anguish makes it more severe, how can you not - in truth - seem unaware? I pull away, you pull away, survival of the soul and mind most tender. Cant you see the need to tell the pain I feel, when hurts you often seem to render? Be my love - my friend, my dear - not my offender. Page 4 ACT 1, Group 2, Poems 5,6,7,8 A person can be strong in spirit but when emotions overflow you lose a part of strength within thats made your aura glow. In youth, there was a joy in me that overflowed to others, this I know. Theres sadness now, replacing joy, can I not wonder what has made it so? My auras dimmed, my spirit flown away, to live my life in sorrow not my way. My wish for me is simple and forthright. Return to me, my vivid light of life, RETURN MY SOUL. Page 5 Deep in the night I come awake and feel as if my heart will break. My thoughts continue in this vein, round and round my confused brain. No rest by day or even night, is there no answer to my plight? A cry for help that none can hear, some peace of mind would help, my dear. Look deep inside your troubled soul, find what is taking such a toll. Get help yourself and then maybe, there can be healing help for me. Page 6 Strong and verbal, with no need to please, he moves along his days without much ease. How can I help to make his way full of the joy I see this day? Here is the man I hold so dear, Ill hold your heart you hold me near. Page 7 I ache. I ache so bad that sadness fills my world. he yells and screams no thought of words hes hurled. I walk away, the tears drown out my soul. A wife I am, but I dont feel the role. I hide away within my room, you see, the only way to save my sanity. Communicate? He doesnt know the word, wont listen to a single thing hes heard. Im losing it, each day the pain is more. In feeling this, what good is marriage for? To turn for help is not the answer now. What can I do? More to the point is how? Page 8 ACT 1, Group 3, Pages 9, 10, 11, 12, 13 Its not always what you say that hurts and pushes me away, your tone of voice sarcastic vent, I cringe this makes you seem content. Are you content? No, no, my dear, within yourself there is some fear you cant express wont let it out. You need some help without a doubt. Page 9 I stare unseeing, draped in the scenery of stark memories best forgotten, skin pallored by overwhelming grief that tosses my thoughts like thistle-down. Vacant eyes drop damp petals, control abandoned in blue-white anguish. Chained, addicted to panic and fear, my lifes textures are ground to bits of gray. Page 10 Hes taken on unusual urgency, ponders the discordant silence. Criticism drips like rich blood on my flesh. Color rises in his face, red raging oceans of contempt. My laughter withers, fulfills his fancies, feeds his soul. He stares with blazing hazel eyes, becomes motivated by loathing. Momentum builds, pounds, assaults without cease. I melt like an ice cube and he laps up my pain. Page 11 Theres a deep place inside my mind that claws brutally, steals my very essence, drags away, then buries joy. I spite of intentions, I protect myself in darkness, wallow in weakness, somersault further into depression. Totally withdrawn, I retreat in fetal position; lack of direction carries me towards oblivion. Hidden from my loved one, separated and removed, I drift in pathetic nothingness, not casing, never wanting, just being; an existence trapped in lifeless limbo. Page 12 Discordant songs fringe the edge of thought like spiked lashes filled with tears. The dull tarnish of distress and mute emotion echo, saturate my mind, cloud the seasons of my life. Stolen breath and tangled feelings threaten to suck me up. Destiny fills my hands. Page 13 ACT 2 Group 1, Pages 14,15,16,17,18 We fight to break out of the swirl that traps us. Anger flashes in frustration. Life floats in waves throws us high then dashes deep in opaque water. Silent screams echo through our beings, mouths gape helplessly. We battle in separate tidal explosions alone, alienated in blue moon despondency. Page 14 His temper rises like a tsunami, drowns my soul, bleeds away my love. An angry man faces me. If I dare stand up and say, words hurt my feelings, he stares and yells, isnt that too damn bad. I retreat again. It reaches beyond imagination how a relationship endures all the roadblocks it encounters. Perhaps Im a masochist because I too feel anger, but also sadness, such sadness. Page 15 Im not your verbal doormat, an obtuse abstraction to drag out for your need or a fragile leaf of paper to crumple and toss aside. My bright crystals litter the floor, radiate the tears seeping from my wounded emotions. Vibrant pigments melt, drown my sensibilities. I gulp sadness, remember every barbed and vicious cut. Maybe someday youll confront your frozen fear of inadequacy and, Ill find compassion for your disillusionment. Page 16 Words are swallowed, this verbal fountain capped, reasoning, ready to spew forth withers on a whim. Tangible views are sucked into webs of incoherence, my breath, left as screams in a hollowing wind. Sounds emitted, find empty air, mute pathos, echoes back and drowns my soul. Discordant songs fringe the edge of thought, scoured of emotion except for this splash of tears. I remember the exquisite vibrations of opinion passing my lips, loose and unrehearsed gone now; only scattered fragments float helplessly. Page 17 Im a lost voice screaming in the wind, my breath throbs sadness but your penetrating ears pretend deafness. Im beyond emptiness, a top, swirling in circles that have no beginning or end; live in a sepia world, sucked into a dust bowl surrounded by a pageantry of color, Reach my outstretched hand and find empty air. Once again, Im vulnerable to your whims. Page 18 ACT 2 Group 2, Pages 19, 10, 21, 22, 23 MAN SITTING IN CHAIR: Faces the audience more directly, still sitting with elbows on knees, leaning forward, and recites the following poetry with only a long pause in between each: We laugh, the laughter of young men, memories bright with flame and vigor. Vision has faded, cheeks are deeply wrinkled, speech falters and fingers tremble. Steps waver as they plod the earth, watch the ground instead of the clouds. Once warriors, we were seasoned with fire. All that remains are recollections and a few comrades. Page 19 Looking far across the monument erected there, brief glimpses of another day sweep into mind my soul laid bare. Concealed the anguish buried deep, Ive hidden it away so long; recall with grief the bitter times of battles fought and things gone wrong. I share this time, not willingly, hurts too deep for me to share. In my mind a thought for those whod not returned the young the fair. Page 20 Battle gore is gone, tamped down into forgetfulness, kept in its place by memory tricks. We reunite to remember the humor in hostility, a patch over wounds best hidden. Our long line has thinned to just a few, eyes not as clear, stride slower, emotions stronger. We clasp each other, glad to have survived events we cant seem to quite remember. Page 21 Man rises from chair and faces the audience: Painful memories, buried deep in my subconscious, slowly surface to poke and nudge, frighten and fester. I feel anguish, see the dead lying in rows, body bags efficiently zipped over blank faces, the light of life extinguished forever, Oddly, sense reliefeven joy, that the face staring up at me isnt my own. Fifty years later, a name is attached to my awareness. Finally, tears course down my cheeks for my fallen comrades. The drops heal the young soldier from so long ago and the presently scarred warrior. Page 22 After Man Finished Speaking, Woman speaks onstage to him, Come, bring me your shadowed, shattered dreams, your cup of apprehension, distress and resentment. Empty it here, fill your vessel with the drawing warmth of release. Let my flame brighten your fragmented spirit. Seek my warmth and come away restored. Spots fade to black Sharon Rothenfluch Cooper <coopersd@worldnet.att.net> Portland,, OR USA - Monday, July 18, 2005 at 22:49:24 (EDT) I hope you will keep on writing. please try to write back to me. my husband is 100% service connected ptsd marine corp 1968-1971 recon. we have been married for 25 years and we have an amazing story to tell with a little different perspective than others thanks deborah sonagere <bosoldlady@yahoo.com> caldwell, oh USA - Sunday, July 17, 2005 at 01:19:23 (EDT) I hope you will write your own book! I feel your article is very worthy. My wife does not understand why I'm having problems. After Viet Nam I was a police officder for 25 years. I saw death on a routine basis. I have burried two sons and one step-son. Hunter R. Morgan <HMorgan170@aol.com> Lakeland, Fl USA - Friday, July 15, 2005 at 20:47:30 (EDT) Bob & Patience: Your Gazette issues were of great importance to us, & I wish that you had continues with them. I am the retired Wash., D.C. policeman that retired almost exactly 10 yrs. ago, and I now teach in the Arlington County Va Public Schools, as well as at Northern Va Communmity College, Criminal Justice Program. My P.T.S.D. appears to have been the result of almost 26 yrs. as a policeman. Your articles, Bob's books, and your book, "Recovering From the War....." has all been a source of help, comfort, and assisting me in coping, and helping other Vietnam Vets, and older police retirees. I fortunately, was discharged from the Army in June 1965, and did not have to go off to Vietnam, even though my cousin from Orlando, Fla. did. I wanted so much to meet you and Bob in person a few years ago, as it was so important to do so. I trust that all is well with you and Bob, and you will always be able to help veterans of all wars up to the present time. God bless; peace. Randy Moore <Badge3128@aol.com> Falls Church, VA USA - Thursday, July 14, 2005 at 23:42:15 (EDT) HEY RANDY, good to hear from you!
Bob, I was with C Company 229th. AHB, First Air Cav. I was a crew chief on bird 284. I read your book several years ago. Thanks, I had no way to explain to some people who wanted to understand why I came home so different and I couldn't explain. After I read your book I gave a copy to my dad, girlfriend and several others.I am now 100% ptsd and have been for the last three years. I have been going for counseling at the va since the late 70's but could never bring myself to apply for benifits as I wasn't wounded. If you get this please write back. Gary Owen. Thanks My Brother, Doug Dear Patience I found your site as I was actually looking for a way to find a publisher who will read my Nover, "The Names NOT On The Wall". I was a Navy Corpsman with a Marine grunt unit in 1968.69, and the novel is intended to show the world how it "really" was. No hype, no fluff, no indestructible hero's. There were many hero's indeed, none were indestructible. I have several songs and poems that have been published ( they are quite good actually), but getting a Publisher to read a first time Novelist is quite a chore. I will enclose one of my poems as a sample of my writing. Oh, the reason I chose to write you is my novel deals with and shows wives, mothers, fathers, and loved ones why the man they kissed goodbye isn't necessarily the man they kissed hello. The Name NOT On The Wall Thirty two years had come and gone, I needed to see my friends. So I took a list, a few small gifts, and went to visit them. I was their "Doc" in Vietnam, and silently recalled; how their name had earned a resting place; engraved there on The Wall. The bag of gifts were personal, simple things I guess; Some Hot cocoa, Florida sand, and a pack of cigarettes. I took my list to the "Lady in Blue", to help me find them all. Soon I stood there moved to tears.... Staring at The Wall. Slowly approaching the massive Wall, my list of names in hand; I found each one, mourned them all; then traced "Bud's" name with sand. "Did you know him well?" said a ladies voice, whom I turned around to face. She was there to mourn her fallen son; I saw it in her face. "Was he family or did you serve with him? You know he's now at rest". I smiled and held my palms toward her, "There hands were in his chest" "I was his Doc in Vietnam, But couldn't save them all." Recalling my Field Med Instructors voice, I turned back to "The Wall" "Rule 1. Good men will surely die when all is said and done" " Rule 2. You do the best you can, But you won't change rule #1. I spent the night there with my friends, The ones who gave their all. When the sun rose bright, I'd wept all night Staring at the Wall. I went to my room, but soon returned, Just after a few hours sleep. To deliver the cocoa and cigarettes, a promise I'd yet to keep. As I sat and watched the mourners go by, with names they sought to find; A heartfelt Peace came over me, as I opened up my mind. As they wept and searched for loved ones names; The Wall came alive to me. In my mind I saw a list of Names... Names THEY could not see. I saw each man I had treated Every casualty; Each Marine I had given back life... Names not there because of me. Chris would not weep here searching for Larry's name; Janie would not cry here mourning Fred; The list grew long, lives and limbs now saved; among the living not here with the dead. I spent the third night all alone; with my heart at Peace I saw. My tour in Nam was justifies... By the Names NOT On The Wall. Doc Hutch Alpha 1/5 1968/69 John (Doc) Hutchings <docnlinh@bellsouth.net> Lake Como, Fl USA - Monday, July 11, 2005 at 09:12:30 (EDT) I'm wondering about the post from "J" who's worried about her Vets, "non-epileptic seizures". Has he been screened for Agent Orange related illnesses? Chemicals can do quite a number on the nervous system and brain activity. It could have been masked by all the alcohol and drug use in the past. I would highly recommend he ASK the VA do do a screening and evaluation asap. They do not always look for AO exposure when being examined medically at the VA. If anyone was "IN COUNTRY, THEY WERE EXPOSED" !!! You can look on our website, Aftermath of War~coping with PTSDToo for more AO information and links. Hope this helps. Hugs to you Patience!, Ter Ter <tetvetswife@aol.com> Boynton Beach, Fla USA - Monday, July 11, 2005 at 07:34:09 (EDT) My credit card was charged for $47.30 on April 28, 2005. I have called at least 5 times and emailed 3 times and keep getting promises of "mailing it tomorrow" or 2 weeks ago "overnight mail". We need these issues. But if we don't receive them shortly I will have my credit card company handle the matter. I have been very patient as am sure you are overwhelmed with requests, but this has been long enough. Would someone, please, please respond and send these back issues? Marie Neil <imneil@nwi.net> Soap Lake, WA USA - Sunday, July 10, 2005 at 22:38:44 (EDT) Hi Patience, I feel like I know you as my husband was diagnosed with PTSD almost 10 years ago. At that time, the psychologist at the Colmery-O'Neill VA in Topeka, KS gave me a copy of "Recovering from the War". It quickly became my 'bible' and the 'bible' of the ladies in my wives group at the VA. I have loaned it out soooooo many times that it has become almost threadbare. About two months ago I ordered another from your site and although my account shows that it was debited from my account, I still have not received my copy. Am sure there has just been some mistake as I know your reputation as the 'best hope for wives of vets with PTSD'. Please let me know what I need to do to get my book. Thanks for all you do for our vets and for us. Mary L. Montgomery Mary L. Montgomery <muffmontgomery@yahoo.com> Leavenworth , KS USA - Sunday, July 10, 2005 at 18:23:13 (EDT) Hello. Thank u for the info. Richy - Saturday, July 09, 2005 at 05:15:01 (EDT) wow, where to start? First, Patience, you are are a angel for picking of the PTSD "FLAG" and carrying it forward. Thank you for supporting your warrior husband. I am a Marine combat veteran of Beirut ('83-'84). Just recently (4/05), I was "awarded" a rating of 50% for compensation purposes by the VA for PTSD/Severe depression. Sad, is what this equates to is - two failed marriages, a bankruptcy, isolation from family, no friends and no real career. As a Marine, I did what I was ordered and served where ordered... thus a very long 16 month tour in Beirut, Republic of Lebanon. Little did I know... PTSD is a silent killer. While most don't want to concede to weakness...PTSD gives you no choice, if & when, you decide you've had enough. Hand salute to our Vet Centers, started in light of the Vietnam conflict... I started counseling there several years ago and continue today. Anybody reading this - PLEASE don't discount Beirut as a conflict - Beirut is NEVER listed as a hostility it seems. They list The "big ones" - WWI, WWII, Korea and Vietnam, then comes Panama, Somalia and the Gulf War - now, the current combat operations of Iraq and Afganistan. We were "there" too. Until you've sat in a bunker with 122mm mortars falling around you... or H&I fires in the middle of the night... or a truck laden with explosives driving into your building. Whatever the branch of choice - May God continue to Bless our Warriors who serve 24/7 without blinking an eye! Lance Armstrong started a revolution with his "Livestrong" yellow bracelets, selling over 3 million to-date in support of curing cancer. Today, there is a new NOT-FOR-PROFIT organization, "Freedom is Not Free, Inc." - www.freedomisnotfree.net - selling a purple bracelet with the slogan "Freedom is Not Free" on it. 100% of the profit goes to aid service member's families of injured or killed service members. Can we support them?! Be well and NEVER GIVE UP! Russ State Russell E. State <nowhtflag@yahoo.com> Vista, CA USA - Thursday, July 07, 2005 at 16:22:38 (EDT) My heart goes out to the marines and other service people who were in Beiruit. It is included in my list of hostilities. Thanks and welcome home! Hi, all-- Just a note to let everyone know I am back in Nashville, TN--www.sidran.org is handling "Managing Our Selves: Building a Community of Caring" and the companion book, "Managing Our Selves: God in Our Midst." All the associative skills' videotapes are also available from them, on change, feelings, and boundaries. I saw the 828.396.0951 telephone number, and, it's my old NC number--no longer works. I've turned my energy to trying to support long term large scale social change, and to get more understanding for trauma going in different places. I encourage everyone to get involved with the Center for Mental Health Services' consumer efforts--there is a genuine effort to begin to incorporate the voice of those of us hwo have lived with "mental illness" in the service delivery system, and unless trauma survivors, esp those who developed dissociative disorders, speak up, it will evreyone with the other diagnoses speaking for us. Everyone's voice needs to be heard. There are scholarships available for many of the conferences. Please--speak up. Here's the website: http://www.mentalhealth.samhsa.gov/consumersurvivor/ Be well, Elizabeth Power Elizabeth Power <powere@mindspring.com> Nashville, TN USA - Wednesday, July 06, 2005 at 22:51:15 (EDT) Patience, You have a great resource on PTSD. I've added a link to Patience Press from http://www.bullyonline.org/stress/ptsd.htm where I describe Complex PTSD resulting from long-term bullying, harassment and abuse. Best regards, Tim Field Webmaster, www.bullyonline.org Webmaster, www.successunlimited.co.uk Tim Field <timfield@bullyonline.org> Oxford, UK UK - Saturday, July 02, 2005 at 06:18:03 (EDT) wow, this is great stuff. i lost an older brother when i was 11. I'm 29 now. i can relate big time to what you are saying, not only personally, but for how my brother's death has affected my whole family. I"m interested in signing up for your news letter. thanks for your kind and helpful words. steve steve thoman <imjaco@aol.com> sudbury, ma USA - Wednesday, June 29, 2005 at 23:56:19 (EDT)
I have a situation I have learned is not unusual, I but can't find a helpful person to talk to about. Yes I have a lot of PTS, really spanning most of my life. Yes the child abuse, then the domestic abuse, and then the trauma of having my children stolen by their dad and not seeing them for one year. All this through many bad neighborhoods and also more abuse both physical and mental from dating. To top it off my two daughters really developed an ability to speak and behave very rudely, then hatefully to me over the years. I became more poor than ever when I moved from Kansas to California to be near them when the first grandbaby was born (now there are 4) This is because California is really not a place to move on one income. I have had two jobs at a time and still couldn't make it. I ended up homeless on and off the last 7.5 years. My daughters have been very outspoken about their discust with me on this. Finally about March of last year one of them laid into me with all her might and threw the book at me. The whole time she kept saying "this is not just how I feel this is how everybody feels" Meaning her sister and both their husbands and even her mother-in-law. I was so humiliated I have not spoken to either of them since. One got my email from my brother and sent me a couple of serious emails. In the first she said things like "how can you do this to us? Don't you care?" (meaning stay away from them) I emailed back and I explained, in a general way, what her sister said, and how I already knew everyone felt bad toward me anyway. I told her I am sorry I am not very good at making a living but I can't be around this kind of talk anymore, including a couple more things she had said in her email. I did say I would like to make arrangements to see the children. (the 4 grandchildren) This was last November 2004 and she never wrote back. I left lots of Christmas presents for everyone on their 2 porches very early Christmas day but still no email response. I saved up Easter and Birthday and Mother's day presents but can't get the nerve to mail or take them. I have realized this verbal abuse from my children has been going on since 87, I can't take it, children or no children. I can't believe the humiliation hasn't killed me already. But it seems so harsh and unreal that I haven't seen them so long. I am really completely ripped up. I tried to talk to a VA psychiatrist and he was more disturbed than I am! I am afraid if I hear anymore hateful words from them I swear I will not be able to stand it. What the heck do I do?? Last summer I met 3 other women in very similar situations. I swear everyone of them as nice and sane as they can be. Another reason I am afraid to call them is I am sleeping in a van. I have disability for my back now just the last few months, but I haven't got into any low-income housing yet. Partly because I really can't stand the Sacramento area, and partly because I can't decide where else to go. Do you have a referral of someone in the Sac area that is sane I could talk to?? Or is there a group I would fit in?? Thanks so much. Sherry
My Husband is in the PTSD Hosipatl in Waco,TX--This helps alot, order your book from amazon yesterday Lots of why's. Why does it never end ? Why am I filled with intense rage at times ? Why di I get severe days and weeks of depression ? Why do I need my guns nearby all the time ? Why do I have trouble finding the right place to sit when I go places ? Why am I so afraid of sleep sometimes ? Why do certain days make me cry ? Why did I have so much trouble holding jobs ? Why do I have trouble just talking about the past ? Why do I feel like I did terrible things to some people ? Why did some of my friends die, and not me ? Why am I still living ? Why do I continue to live when I would welcome death ? Why did God allow this to happen to me and so many others. Why do I need to drink so I can sleep ? Bob St. George, Utah USA - Sunday, June 12, 2005 at 23:22:05 (EDT) Your reactions are normal for what you have been through, because they started out as things that helped you survive the war. Now they probably are your biggest problems. How can you get your needs met without living as if you were still in a war zone? It takes time and help to change. I know there is help in St George because I was out there last year. You have to be willing to do things you don't WANT to do to recover. It isn't fair, but it seems to be reality that it will hurt to heal. Let me know how it goes. Hello Patience and Bob. Thank you so much for "Recovering From The War". Without it I doubt we'd still be married and I am thankful for your insight and collective experience every day. My husband is a Vietnam Vet. After 1 lost daughter, 2 previous wives, a chaotic lifestyle and previous "heavy" alcohol abuse and "blackouts" that I called "leaving the country", things have changed so much because of your book and the way I and we understand things. I am wife number 3 and the 1st person my husband has spoken to and possibly the only one about the actual details of his experience. Over the past 3 or 4 years however, he has cut WAY back on the alcohol(1-5 cocktails per day instead of a gallon), no coke for 10 years (we've been together that long and married for 8)and very little pot. We've been communicating more, etc... and I thought we had found a common ground. 2 years ago he began having what we just found out 2 weeks ago to be non-epileptic seizures. He had all of the symptoms of mini-strokes, yet every Catscan,MRI,MRA,EEG, EMG, etc... comes up negative. Every major organ functions like an 18 year old. Blood tests negative. Exhausting most possibilities, have you heard of anyone else having these types of seizures? When he would "leave the country" it was usually alchol induced and he would "zone off" and speak fluent Vietnamese, etc... Hide under the bed, the whole kit and kaboodle so to speak. These are different. He stops mid sentence, he hardly breathes, eyes 1/2 closed, no response to any stimulus-NOTHING. He has been in the middle of a conversation and walking and his entire body just stops. Sometimes he's not doing any type of activity and I see him that way. His buddies at work have seen him do this as well. He just freezes and has no memory. Anyway, I'm sorry this has gotten so long. I know you are busy. If you have seen or heard of THIS type of episode, any information you may pass to me may be helpful. Keep up the great work. I know thousands are grateful to you and your husband. Keeping the faith, -J - Sunday, June 12, 2005 at 18:45:15 (EDT) I don't know anything about this. Does anybody? I have suffered PTSD, and I never served... DH's Vietnam war has affected me for over 20 years...I'm so angery...I KNOW I could kill someone.. I WANT the VA to PAY me and care for me as well!! Police, md's shrinks...have all rolled their eyes...when H has told them..."yes, I told her I would kill her"...but because he is a MAN...and an ADult MAN..they just hand me pills and send me on my way...making me think I"M the one with the problem... Now...I can kill...I..RAGE...and no one cares!!... It's time they wake up to the fact that prisons are full because they sweep..PTSD familes under the rug...they better wake up fast...they don't have enough cells to hold all the abused people they have created.. Has any spouse every been compensated for PTSD???...or will I be the first...because they WILL take care of me one way or the other.. j. Tuesday, June 07, 2005 at 22:08:59 (EDT) I don't know of any spouses who have been compensated. Have you pressed charges with the police? Have you left him? (The most dangerous time, but if you press charges and he's in jail, it will be safer. He needs to learn from other men that this is unacceptable behavior. Please contact your local shelter and work out a safety plan and an escape plan. Then find a good lawyer, because he should pay for your therapy out of his own pocket. If he is 100% disabled, total and permanent, you are entitled to medical benefits through CHAMPVA at the VA or private doctors who accept CHAMPVA and that includes psychological care. My best to you! I AM TERRIBLY SORRY ... I thought I had read that Bob had passed away ... it was STEVE Mason (Poet Laureate, The Vietnam Memorial)... Again, I am SO sorry, but am relieved that it wasn't Bob ... he's my hero. Bob Goldstein USMC '66-'70 RVN '68-'69 Bob Goldstein <ISellAriz@Cox.net> USA - Tuesday, June 07, 2005 at 19:02:55 (EDT) PLEASE tell me the news report that stated Bob had died recently is NOT true. He is a hero to me and many others ... Bob Goldstein USMC '66-'70 RVN '68-'69 Bob Goldstein <ISellAriz@Cox.net> USA - Tuesday, June 07, 2005 at 17:59:38 (EDT) I don't think he's dead. He's still eating and writing and he moves when I poke him! I really enjoyed you site. I help Vets get their ratings from the V.A. This will help them understand better. Larry Larry Bryson <top8@verizon.net> Hemet, ca USA - Friday, June 03, 2005 at 21:42:04 (EDT) I thank you and welcome you home! My boyfriend and I are going through PSTD together. It was two years ago this past week that I found out what was wrong with him. He is a firefighter and had a few calls that were traumatic. The second part of the article has helped me to get through today. Thank You very much S, USA - Monday, May 30, 2005 at 12:48:42 (EDT) I am glad you found it helpful. There are websites for First Responders with PTSD too. I have started a PTSD at the recovery center, where I work. I am most pleased to have found this site. Kim , AZ USA - Saturday, May 28, 2005 at 13:28:29 (EDT) Hi Patience I have come across your site whilst looking for something to help "heal myself". I have been married to someone for nearly 3 years who has PTSD and have over the past 6 months realized that I really need to understand PTSD so that I can do the right thing, not only for my beloved husband, but also for my children and myself! I am beginning to realize that I cannot just make him better, how ever much I love him, and that it is tiring trying to be all things to all people, all the time! Wife, Mother, Daughter, Full-time worker, lover, counsellor - the list is endless and I am going to be no good to anyone if I carry on as I am. I look forward to reading more of your articles and books BUT I am also trying to start a Family Support Group in Indianapolis. I have started up a discussion board on ezboard.com but it is early days and I know these things take time. Can anyone out there give me some ideas of how they have started groups in their area? Any ideas would be great! Thank you for your site, it is insightful, realistic and comforting. C IN USA - Thursday, May 26, 2005 at 19:22:31 (EDT) My friends at aftermathofwarcopingwithptsdtoo will be happy to help I ordered 2 books 4/28/05 Why is daddy like he is and recovering from the war did not get or hear from you. E-mailed with no response. Called and someone said it will be here tues. 4/24/05 today is 4/26/05 and it has not shown up please advise Gary Gary Va. USA - Thursday, May 26, 2005 at 16:36:10 (EDT) My shipping has been fouled up lately, but we hope it is fixed now. If you are having problems with orders, please email me at ptg at patiencepress dot com AND patiencepress at alltel dot net which is James, the guy who ships for me at Smart Mail Services. Please send me any literature you have on PTSD, as well as a listing of the major clinics or facilities that specialize in PTSD in New England or in the United States. Would like to go for an extended stay at a residential treatment facility specializing in PTSD. Ellen USA - Wednesday, May 25, 2005 at 16:02:47 (EDT) Many of my materials can be printed out from the website. The rest are for sale on the website. I don't know about clinics but I do recommend www.sidran.org and www.giftfromwithin.org as sources for that type of information Friends, I have put a web site to help promote better understanding of PTSD among the family and friends of those that have served our country in Iraq as well as Afghanistan and would like to be able to have your site as a link. My site is really just a clearinghouse of information and a place to find resources such as you so I hope you can see your way clear to allowing the link. Your reply would be most appreciated. Thanks, Mike Quirk 845-590-1700 Mike Quirk <mitd@warwick.net> warwick, ny USA - Tuesday, May 24, 2005 at 15:48:21 (EDT) http://www.bloodlesswounds.org/ Please send me these materials as it will assist me in treating the clientel that I service. Thank you Jill <p0ofbg0n@aol.com> Richmond, CA USA - Sunday, May 22, 2005 at 15:50:42 (EDT) Many of my materials can be printed out from the website. The rest are for sale on the website. I am a viet. vet. who is 100% service connected for ptsD, I am also a retired firefighter/paramedic. I have read every book you and Robert have written, in fact I asked both of you to sign a couple of them when I heard you speak at the Portland Or. va in oct. of 2004.Thank you for all of your hard work,research,and compassion. I am trying to reach-out to everyone I can to raise the awareness and need for treatment for my fellow vets and firefighters.Please add me to your mailing list and may God bless you and your work Semper-Fu(bar), Keith Brown fmr. USMC keith c brown <kcharlesbrown@msn.com> corvallis, or 97333 - Friday, May 20, 2005 at 17:16:53 (EDT) Thanks and welcome home! Hello its me again, I hope every thing is ok with and your family. Riply to what you have send to me, thank you again for your kindness and your support. I went to your site but unfortunately I couldnt order the rest of your text of issues. Could you please help me out and let me know where I can get them. Thank you for your attention and your help. Hear from you soon. Wish you best and your family
Hi Patience, I'm the Lady on the motorcycle that saw you and Bob a couple of years ago at the gas station in Melbourne. Renee at West Palm V.A. is my husbands councelor and she also runs the wives support group of the nam vets thats in groups. I'm also very good Friends with Charlie and Ter. Thank god for People like YOU and TER. this has been a life saver for me. One of your sisters, Linda Randolph Linda Randolph <linran@bellsouth.net> Lake Worth, Fl USA - Wednesday, May 18, 2005 at 02:36:00 (EDT) Thank you for the very useful text and I'm prowed of your work, its unblieveable how you went through all and never gave up, I wish we could be like that more often. My name is delbar and I work with veterans wives for so long and your text opened up a new way of education in my field. I have translated your text and with your permition added some other informations as well and it got even better. I'm a masters degree counsellor that works with PTSD wives. For the first time I have turned the wives not in to the victoms of war but insted in to a counsellor themselves and as a result from arund the Iran every wife comes to my classes inorder to understand PTSD better and also be a help to their survivors. I have learnt alot from them and want to learn more, but unfortunately I dont see any other texts of you in the site. So please if there is any thing more that could be useful for the wives and the education of PTSD, please inform me. Thank you for your love, hardworking and your support. Please keep in touch With All Best, Delbar Niroushak Delbar Niroushak , Tehran, Iran - Monday, May 02, 2005 at 08:14:28 (EDT) Thank you for the wonderful feedback.
It was so great seeing you again in Melbourne at the 18th Vietnam and All Veterans Reunion. It was such a great day for us. Your talk was awesome as always. Thanks so much for all you do. XOXO Love ya, Ter Thank you Ter and Charlie for showing up. Love you guys too. Next year I plan to do "Recovering from the War," on Saturday, and then my new talk, "The War at Home" on Sunday morning.
Thank you for your service. The VA Hospital system and the VA Compensation and Pension system are two separate entities, and it is rare that the Compensation people listen to the treatment providers. Please appeal this decision. Write them and tell them that the interview with this ididot was "inadequate for compensation purposes" as the psychologist was using his own private opinions of what PTSD was instead of the DSM-IV, and he had not read your case file and was in too much of a hurry. Please send me the first issue of the PTSD and the 12 Steps. I may need to start a group here in the Phoenix, AZ area and need some reference material. I have been clean and sober for 23 years and have been receiving treatment for military combat related PTSD since 1989. Thanks Bud K I don't ship free copies of Issue #3, "PTSD and the 12 Steps", but you can print it out from my website. You can also print a format I wrote for a 12 Step Meeting for Veterans Family and Friends. Both of them can be copied and shared with anyone. I also produce a $1.00 pamphlet called "An Explanation of PTSD for 12 Steppers: When I Get Sober, I Feel Crazy."
Reading the post of Jesse from Bremerton of 23/2 and your response to it makes my blood run cold. The only advice this woman needs is to get out before she gets hurt, and to be supported in the decision to do that. Who cares if this guy has depleted cortisol levels? How is that going to help her when he's broken her arm or blackened her eye? Where is the accountability in the veterans' movement? When are we going to acknowledge that however traumatised a veteran may be, if he abuses his family, he is an abuser first and a veteran second? Harsh, maybe, but I've been there - raised by a veteran (abusive), used to be involved in vets affairs and got out because of this hideous double standard that says a traumatised veteran needs help but that the people he traumatises in turn are somehow less important. You wouldn't, I'm sure, explain the mindset or physiology of a rapist to his victim - you would simply re-iterate to her that she didn't deserve it and was in no way at fault. So how does it get to be ok to tell this woman the batterer's point of view, without any reassurance or advice for her except to go and hide in the bathroom? Here's a URL which makes it clear just what war and militarisation really does to women - http://www.feministpeacenetwork.org/MVAW.htm There's no excuse for domestic violence. I agree that if a veteran abuses his family, he is an abuser first and a veteran second. The double standard which some people have is dangerous and disgusting. I am sorry that you were raised by an abusive veteran. You did not deserve that. No one does. I am not aware of any way, but I do know that if he is about to lose his home or can't afford medical treatment he can be treated at the VA. They have programs to keep US veterans from becoming homeless and to treat medical problems for those who can't afford it. He may also be able to get medications free or at low cost at the VA.
When someone dies, most of us feel guilty, even if the accident was the dead person's fault. Then we try not to feel guilty because it wasn't really our fault. This is called stuffing. It is okay to feel guilty, since it is simply a feeling and not reality. Feeling it does not mean it is true. It just means you are experiencing a painful emotion. Feelings are feelings, not reasons and not reasonable. Sit with them and they peak and fade. Most people don't know that because they have never seen anyone sit with a painful feeling without getting drunk, stoned, eating over it or numbing out with any number of other behaviors. It is also important to turn a traumatic incident that happened too fast into a narrative memory, so it gets stored in memory instead of in the part of the brain where it is constantly reexperienced. I am glad to see you are making the effort to understand. The best single book I have come across is Debra Whiting Alexander's Children Changed by Trauma, New Harbinger, 1999. I often get books from Amazon, but if money is tight, used copies can be found through bookfinder.com. New Harbinger also publishes A Family Guide to Emotional Wellness which has sections on kids and coping with bad feelings, which many trauma survivors never learn. Another good book is Self-Esteem: A Family Affair, by Jean Illsey Clarke. You could also check on Sidran.org and see if they have further suggestions.
That is a tremendously traumatic thing to have happen. I think there is an organization in Scotland called
Hello Patience, I am an ex-nam Vet Cobra Helicopter pilot. I have read the first two books by Bob and You and have stumbled upon this website. When I want to tell someone what I did, and why I am the way I am today, iI give them 'Chickenhawk' to read and then they all have the same reaction---Absolute shock. I am especialy proud of you for standing by him as we are all good men, just misunderstood. I am in the middle of trying to get my 100% disability for my involvement in the war as a helicopter pilot and for the way I lived until now. I have been deserately been trying to get help and money from the VA. I am 57, and still haven't held a good job my whole life. Like Bob, I ... never seemed to get ahead. I lost my family over my disability to hold down jobs, etc., I feel like I know you because of what you have been through and yet can see that He is a good person, but no one understood us at the time. Any way I will write more and get help from your organization in the near future. First I want to make sure this is you and not some other scams that I have been duped into from some low lifes that take advantage of our situations. Please write me back and I will seek your help. William R(Rick) Schrandt cw2, B troop 7/17th Air Cav Pleiku , Vietnam Aug 70-Aug 71 Dear William, Dear Katrina, Bosnia was hell and people need space to recover, they need time, and they need to be able to feel their feelings no matter how painful. He may not think you can let him be upset, sad, guilty, ashamed, angry, grief-stricken.And most of us can't! We think it is not polite, that we should cheer him up, tell him not to be upset, but that won't help. It will keep him stuck. Dear Lulu, The mailing list is slowly growing but it is better if I have a physical mailing address. PM
It sounds like you have some good ideas yourself. It always helps me to remember Bob is human, and therefore has his bad and good days.It is pretty normal to be upset when a parent is dying, plus it is probably triggering other losses. Let him be sad, let him take his time processing the death, and do stuff for yourself so his grief doesn't ruin your days. The only way out is through!
This is an important issue for incest survivors.
My VA PhD/therapist said that you might have stategies for dealing with ED while taking VA MD prescribed 40 mg of Citalpram and 100 mg Viagra which works only about half way. I think I need the dumb Citalpram medicine because my PTSD otherwise gets the upperhand and renders me terribly confused but it causes impotence too...I am 74 and after 28 years I am in the middle of a divorce because of ED. Can you point me to something, please. My thoughts on PTSD and sexuality are in one of the issues of the PT Gazette. The short form is that PTSD affects sexuality, sometimes because it involves letting go of control, and a vet may be afraid he'll hurt someone, or it may involve guilt about lost comrades (they are dead and I'm in bed with my wife) or horrible memories which would put anyone out of the mood. On top of this, medication can affect you and so can age. Things do not spring up as they once did (which if you don't realize is normal is very humiliating to both-to him because he can't spring up, and to her because she thinks he no longer is attracted) and sometimes the guy needs a hand, literally. KY or some kind of oil can help. There are also lots of other ways to satisfy most women besides the usual. Imagination and loving kindness and a sense of humor are very important for old-people sex and medication sex.
This poem may be triggering, but I believe it expresses the pain and despair as well as the momentary elation of killing. Killing someone is a major traumatic stressor. Patience TURMOIL Sexual abuse survivors often get into bad relationships, not because they are dumb, but because they are numb. And when a normal person meets someone with walls up or numbed emotions, they say okay. The abusive type takes it as a challenge and is nicer than is humanly possible for a short time and then reverts to type. Then the professionals blame her. I hope she gets the support she needs, but I also think it is important to protect children from abuse. She needs help but so do the kids.
Greetings: I am a volunteer member of the PTSD Alliance Organization. Our Internet website is as follows: http://www.ptsd-alliance.org/ or http://www.focus-on-veterans.com. The Alliance is a 501(c) 3 non-profit organization established to advocate and serve sufferers of PTSD. My particular focus is to offer support both men and women currently serving in the military, as well as Veterans affected by PTSD. Given the current situation in Iraq, and so many afflicted with PTSD from previous conflicts, we are working very hard to increase our profile, Thus, I am contacting you to see if you might be interested in distributing our poll.
please send me first three copies of "Post-Traumatic Gazette" I send copies by regular mail so I have to have an address. Otherwise they can be printed out from the freestuff page. Patience
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