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I just found this website this evening. Recently, my husband and I started going to a counselor for his PTSD. I truly believe it has been the best thing we have ever done. We have been married for two years now and up until about a year and a half ago I did not know he had PTSD. My husband was embarrased and ashamed about it. Since about a month before we got married to the present he has been physical ill with Vomiting, nausea, flashbacks, nightsweats, severe intrusive thoughts and memory loss. It truly breaks my heart to see what he has had to endure and what he has to continue to endure. Since, I have educated myself about PTSD and started counseling with him, we are learning to cope. One thing that our counselor had told us was that my husband finally feels safe enough to fall apart. I think she ment that he has covered these feelings up for so long it has taken a physical toll on his body. It all seems very overwhelming to me but, I truly have a great respect for anyone who has been in the military and who is currently serving, and their families. Before my husband, I had know idea what individuals with PTSD are going through as well as there families. It is not something our families knows very much about and do not know that they understand. I do find it comforting that we are not alone and we can reach out to a larger family going throught the same thing for comfort. Excellent website!
J. J.
USA - Friday, January 20, 2006 at 02:13:02 (EST)
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Dear Patience Thank you for your writings about how to recover from trauma. My husband has a recurring illness which is being treated but at times (like now) it is very traumatic for me and my son (my husband's medication is being changed at present). Also of course I have my own traumas and your article has helped my perspective and eased me (the way you wrote it) and I feel that it will also help my son by my understanding that every one is human and is affected by trauma. I sort of felt this but when you write it so clearly it has helped me more deeply. Thank you for pointing out the bumpy bits. Very best wishes and I look forward to the day when I have accepted more so that I can be helpful to other people. Louise
Trowbridge, Wiltshire UK - Thursday, January 05, 2006 at 15:38:16 (EST)
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dear patience, a vet turned me onto your book and i have ordered two, one for my brother; a vietnam vet ( i had two brothers in nam and one stateside) and one for my niece. She has just returned from irag as an officer. i think she may resist the book, denial, but i will send it and if you have any words that i might add to her for her to read the book, please do. I was pleasantly surprised to see you are in high springs, i left in 1981 and had land in a deserted subdivision called columbia acres. i miss florida, although Hawaii has had me captivated for all this time. i may be returning to gainesville due to family. all my aloha for your awesome journey and maybe your name has had a key role in your abilities... Patience!!! aloha, christa
Pahoa, HHI USA - Friday, December 30, 2005 at 14:33:40 (EST)
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GRAPHIC DETAILSDear bob and patience im a gulf war vet from 91 to me it wasnt the war thats messing with my head.it was my so called brothers or my buddies they raped me and i dont no how to recover there is so many things that go around in my mind i dont understand why they betrayed me. im in a group at the va hospital but its like im stuck i already went crazy and lost my mind so i cant allow that any more. i told the ships doctor after a while and it just excited him and he use to always like to touch me or do prostate exams he wanted to have sex with me but i wouldnt so while in the service he use to take care of my medical records you no he hooked them up and deleted some things and in returnhe use to like to touch me it was terrible but i was enlisted and he said he could take care of my recordsotherwise he had to tell the captain i had consensual sex with other guys and i would be discharged with an dishonorable discharge and i couldnt go home like that. its hard because there are days i feel so dirty and disgusted with myself. thanks for your time.
milwaukee, wisc USA - Tuesday, December 27, 2005 at 07:49:38 (EST)
Thanks and welcome home. I have met more than one service man who has had this kind of experience, which is of course a traumatic stressor. You can feel dirty without being dirty. Those guys and that doctor are the dirty ones. I wish you well.
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I'm very interested in current studies on PTSD.
Sylvia, Soulsbyville, CA USA - Monday, December 26, 2005 at 02:41:50 (EST)
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Thank you for your web site and for relating your, and your husband's, experiences with PTSD. I am a 48-year-of-age female, the youngest of my parents' 6 children. My father was one of the youngest UDTs to serve in WWII, his first assignment after UDT training being D-Day (Omaha Beach). What was left of his team after that was sent to various other places within very short periods of time between each mission. My mother had always related that Dad had gone into the Navy a fresh-faced, 18-year-old kid (on his 18th birthday, as a matter of fact), and had come back a few years with the look and demeanor of an old man. We all lived with Dad's PTSD; of course, that was not the name for it back then, and there didn't seem to be anybody available to help us cope with this. It was nightmarish at times; we seemed to develop 'duck-and-dodge' personality characteristics. Sometimes we couldn't even smile at Dad without being viciously chewed out for whatever was making us smile. It rendered most of us kids with a very low sense of self-esteem, and I won't even go into the details of what it did to my mother. She had borne him 6 children in 8 years' time, and she was frazzled besides. Mom and Dad both lived with this a total of 50-1/2 years; Dad passed away in January 1999, and she passed away 6 months after that with the cancer she already had when he died. My family has been ripped to pieces over the PTSD; in addition, there have been other factors involved, such as the difficulties of Dad's and Mom's upbringing, each with their own childhood memories to cope with. I have brothers and sisters I haven't seen since Mom's funeral in August '99, and I hadn't seen some of them for 19 years prior to that. What led me to your web site, in a roundabout way, was an article I found while browsing a university medical professions site, written by a professor there, titled "The Unseen Wounds of War." One thing led to another, and I started searching the internet for PTSD web pages. Which led me to your web page. Of interest also to me is that I had remembered hearing and reading about somebody with the nickname "Chickenhawk," and thus I read on. I am an Army veteran of 10 years service, the only one of us kids who served in the military, but not in a combat zone. I am desperate for some healing to begin in my family, before it is too late. My eldest sibling is 56 now. Mom and Dad are both gone, and Mom's only sibling (a brother), who was my dad's best buddy from childhood, now has the same cancer Mom had. He turned 79 this past autumn. I'll be rummaging around your web site here and there for information, and will be searching for somebody, perhaps an intermediary type of social worker in my general region, who would be willing to help on a long-distance basis somehow. (My siblings are located coast to coast, literally.) Now all I have to do is talk my siblings into actively participating. Aye, there's the rub. Thank you for your selflessness in relating your experiences; I greatly appreciate it, and perhaps my family will also in time. M R
USA - Monday, December 19, 2005 at 17:57:08 (EST)
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My uncle, Leonard Matthes, Col., USAF (RET) died yesterday. He was an instructor pilot at Napier Field, AL, during WWII and at Craig Field, AL, during and after the Korean War. His children and I would appreciate hearing from those who knew him at any time during his career. Thanks.
david rankin <drankin1946@yahoo.ca>
Windsor, MI Canada - Saturday, December 10, 2005 at 17:45:32 (EST)
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I need help.....My husband returned 6 months ago from Afghanistan. Things have been up and down ever since. He is suffering from depression, anxiety, anger and they say he is 1 symptom off from PTSD. I have tried being patient, I encourage him, and I have tried to help him.....but I am at my wits end. I don't know what I can do anymore and I just want someone to take care of me - for goodness sakes he was deployed for 16 months and now I am still alone and scared and he has now been home for 5 months. The Army seems to be worthless when it comes to this issue! Any help is appreciated. Thanks, C L IA USA - Thursday, December 08, 2005 at 14:41:15 (EST)
I know how you feel. I had no idea what had happened to Bob and why he was depressed, angry, etc. I think if you read Recovering you will understand better, but we can never really understand because we have not been shot at or seen another human being blown apart. What I had to do was find emotional support from other women.
We all grow up with the fairy tale that we get married and are happy forever, and if we're not happy, we deserve to be. I always say it is illegal to be unhappy in this country. Your husband is unhappy because he has been through hell. You are unhappy because you have been through a hell of your own and for both of you it is ongoing. This is normal after what you have been through. Finding help is not easy, and there is no simple solution, but it can get better. I have been in a 12 step recovery program for 18 years, and this has enabled my husband to find his own sources of healing, because I was able to let go of telling him to get better. And guess what? He was driving me nuts, so I was a little nuts, and working on myself has made me a much happier person.
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I have to ask you, I am a 100% disabled vet, I am also 100% P & T for PTSD, before I received my disability I had no money because I was so ill, how can you justify charging $20.00 or more for a book to help Vets? We should all stick together and not profit off of a illness as you are doing. Do you in your book also explain to a Vet how to properly apply for PTSD also?. I am sorry but I find it very appalling that you are charging for advice that should be free. I am a vets advocate who does much work with PTSD victims, I volunteer my time and energy and knowledge to these victims free. I also make available to them instructions on how to properly write a stressor letter, explain what the GAFF score means and councel them on the phone for their claim. Why don't you do the same? for FREE! Gary
grand blanc, mi USA - Tuesday, November 22, 2005 at 08:25:25 (EST)
Thanks and welcome home and thanks for the work you do for your fellow vets. I am not in your position to work for free. I would if I could afford to. I am about $10,000 in debt, down from about $40,000 from printing my book a number of times and from printing and shipping costs for all the other stuff I write (Gazettes, pamphlets, kid's books). Most of them cost a dollar each except for the kids books because I know what it is like to be poor and have a husband with PTSD. And you can download quite a few articles from this website without paying anything, including one on applying for PTSD compensation. If you would like me to add your instructions to this web site please send them to me or give me a link to post.
I am doing a job that I love, but it entails work and I need to earn a living doing what I love, writing about PTSD in a way that helps people.
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I want to wish you a wonderful birthday today though the day is almost over. Hope it was a good day for you, Patience. Love and very best wishes for a special "Sistah" ~ Linda
L Bertalotto
Springdale, AR USA - Saturday, November 19, 2005 at 21:09:28 (EST)
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I'm the Veterans Outreach Supervisor for the State of Wyoming. Thank you for the information.
Mark Hicks
Casper, WY USA - Friday, November 18, 2005 at 13:01:12 (EST)
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Hi Patience ~ Long time no see... I just want you to know that I have recommended your book "Recovering From the War: a Guide for All Veterans,Family Members, Friends and Therapists" to so many people over the years. I posted on PTSD 101 for quite some time back in 1998 and 1999 and I emailed you and even spoke to you by phone a couple of times. You were always such a great help. I was living in Michigan back then ~ Since then, I have retired, and divorced after 39 years ~ and am now living in Indiana with my daughter. I finally got my VA Disability rating to 100%. I'm still fighting the PTSD, Nightmares, no sleep, problems concentrating, memory problems and all the other stuff that comes along with the PTSD. I'm at my daughter's for now until I decide what to do with my life from here. I want to find a house back in the woods away from everyone just to hole up. I'll prolly move south where it is warmer. Tell Bob Hi and you two take care and stay safe. Talk to you later... email me again sometime if you get the time. See Ya, Bill, Boswell, IN USA - Thursday, November 17, 2005 at 21:55:47 (EST)
I am so glad to hear from you Bill!
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hi my fiance served in the falklands and was disabled phsyically through it he suffered ptsd then but showed no signs of it when i met him , (i didnt even know what it was and had no understanding of it)to me he was just your normal bloke. a few months ago we went through areally rough time with things out of our control just as things getting better a woman he served with who he hadnt seen for may years died he heard about it on news. that was it full blown ptsd , he went to seek help straight away as recgnised symptons good on him, he then pushed me and my children away i see now as he did it for us, but i thought he was being selfish and let him know it..wrong thing to do i now know . we keep in touch by text and he has been to see me a few times but ends up crying and holding me like i was about to die.. we are still together but i know he needs to do this without me at min.do you think because his trigger was a woman.. he cant even say her name to me at min..hes assosiating me with her and i am being part of that trigger also as will cut contact apart from texts if need be to help him into recovery.
england - Friday, November 11, 2005 at 18:48:56 (EST)
I think he needs to cry. Crying is normal when you lose friends and buddies. I don't think of you as a trigger, but an opportunity to heal. The woman's death is the trigger.
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I would like to know the steps toward minimizing my PTSD symptoms, such at derealization. I suspect therapy would help. So would some of the books like Elizabeth Vermilyea's Growing Beyone Survival, www.sidran.org
Crystal
USA - Wednesday, November 09, 2005 at 17:20:46 (EST)
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I went through PTSD after an event while on exchange to the United States Navy. The Canadian Armed Forces offered little assistance other than the occasional kick in the teeth. What surprises me most about PTSD is that nobody seems to know what it is. I thought it was clear what it was when I went through it. Knowing what it is makes life so much easier. It also helps those around the sufferer to understand what is going on. So, in the interest of helping those with it, let me describe EXACTLY what PTSD is. Young children are known for being able to absorb information very quickly, but they need a lot of sleep. By the time they enter school, however, they have lost this ability. Everything that is learned must be memorized. Researchers have discovered that children who have been raised without human contact cannot be taught to speak. The window of opportunity when they can learn to speak has closed, and it can never be opened again. Like the saying goes, one cannot teach an old dog a new trick. Our brains were designed to protect us in the wild where we had to learn to eat and defend ourselves against predators. Our brains are confronted with a problem in that it is possible to keep learning, but this requires sleep where all of the information is organized and stored. Sleeping puts us at risk from predators. Therefore, a tradeoff has been made. For a short period in our youth, the brain is capable of learning very quickly with the need for a lot of sleep. After surviving for a number of years, one has learned all one needs to survive in the wild. The ability to learn is curtailed, and we are forced to memorize information. While an intriguing design, this produces a fundamental design flaw. The ability to learn quickly was dropped on the assumption that we had learned all we needed to know to survive. But what happens if we did not encounter every possible threat to our existence during that short learning period? Our brains needed a mechanism to adapt to new threats to our existence after the short learning period. However, the only way we can learn after that is to memorize. So, when triggered, the brain must memorize the event by reliving it over and over again. This is why those suffering from PTSD cannot get the event out of their minds. The brain is actually cycling the event through the circuits to memorize what to do. Note that PTSD sufferers do not merely "remember" the event. They are actually reliving it. The brains can distinguish what is memory and what is reality. A device software engineers call a "threat controller" can separate them. (Note that the thread controller makes it possible to walk and chew bubble gum at the same time!) If the memory and reality are too close, the thread controller becomes confused and can treat the memory as reality. The result is a "flashback". Imagine a python which has acquired a taste for cats. One day it sees a lion eat another python. The PTSD mechanism memorizes the event which now changes how "cats" are interpreted. Rather than being a food source, they are a cause for danger. The python will fear all cats after that. Now imagine a pilot who has gone through a traumatic event in the cockpit. The PTSD mechanism memorizes the event which changes how the pilot reacts to flying. Rather than be a source of joy, flying is now cause for danger. The pilot will not be able to fly anymore. What is PTSD? PTSD is the mechanism the brain uses to adapt to new threats to its existence after the period of easy learning in youth has ended. It is a normal, healthy mechanism which is designed to protect us. That is what I thought PTSD was when I went through it. However, a theory is no good without proof. So, to prove my theory, I created a model of the human brain. The model explains how we think, why the brain needs to end the period of easy learning, and how it adapts to threats afterwards. Symptoms merely listed elsewhere roll out one after the other. This model is available online at: http://www.mhsanctuary.com/ptsd/eng.htm As my sole motivation is to help those going through PTSD, this document may be used without permission or compensation by anyone seeking to help those enduring PTSD. I hope it helps you to understand the disorder. John Schreiber
John Schreiber <johnschreiber@rogers.com>
Ottawa, ON Canada - Sunday, November 06, 2005 at 12:27:09 (EST)
Interesting theory. Thanks and welcome home! Check out www.osiss.ca
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Hi Patience, Because of reading your book and newsletters, I will be happily celebrating 25 years of marriage to my husband, a VietNam veteran, this month. Before I read your book about recovering from the war, I had no idea what was wrong with the man I loved and I was at the end of my rope. However, I tied a knot and hung on. He kept trying to make me leave and I kept refusing. He finally quit doing that. I left your book out one time and he picked it up. He has been in therapy with a great doctor (not a VA doc now, formerly VA) for a few years now, and she is helping him to cope with his life. I don't think he would have ever sought therapy if he had not read your book. I am a songwriter and have written two songs about PTSD. If you would like to hear them, please go to my site, www.MarthaAnnBrooks.com. The song titles are "When Your Soldier Comes Back Home" and "Can't Say As I Blame You". If you click on the song titles, the lyrics will come up and the stories behind the songs. I hope that "When Your Soldier..." may be of help to people who care about combat veterans. These songs are just what we recorded in the living room, nothing fancy. I can never thank you enough for what you have done for my family. The understanding I gained from your words enables me to stick with my husband through dark days and to really enjoy the good days to the max. You also showed me that I have to do things I enjoy and not let the entire world revolve around his PTSD. You have been a lifesaver for us, literally. Best Regards Always, Martha Ann
Mab
GA USA - Tuesday, November 01, 2005 at 15:25:38 (EST)
I have always told my readers to leave the Gazettes, pamphlets or books in the bathroom. Let your vet have the opportunity to read it without pushing...
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Hello Patience, Wanted to take the long overdue time to thank you for sharing with we Family Peer Support Coordinators at OSISS (Operational Stress Injury Social Support). It was wonderful to have you join us during our training period and educational to hear your message. Hope you enjoyed your visit to Ottawa, Ontario, Canada. There are so many resources on this site. Frequently, I am referring the spouses of military members and Veterans to these great resources. Thanks for keeping the site operational. It was a pleasure to have met you.
Respectfully, Michelle
Michelle Keddy Family Peer Support Coordinator Ontario Region Operational Stress Injury Social Support Programme (OSISS)
1-23 Reichwald Cres Petawawa ON K8H 1J6 Tel: 613-687-7373 Cel: 613-633-6064 Fax: 613-687-2045 www.osiss.ca
"When written in Chinese, the word "crisis" is composed of two characters. One represents danger, and the other represents opportunity." - John F. Kennedy
Michelle Keddy <familypscpet@aol.com>
CFB Petawawa, ON Canada - Monday, October 31, 2005 at 10:49:53 (EST)I enjoyed my visit with you all so much. One of my best trips ever. The Canadian government supports a network of trained peer support veterans AND spouses who help with all aspects of Occupational Stress Injury (their way of saying any psychological wound recieved on a deployment including PTSD, depression and anxiety). We need the same in this country.
Hi Patience, I love you madly and the most! Hey, I almost died the other day, and your life flashed before my eyes! What does that mean??? Am I crazy? LOL. Ah,just crazy about you sissy! Oh, and just kidding, Jim's life still flashed before my eyes. I guess I'm a hopeless codependent! He's still my life. (I just don't try to contol him as much thanks to you!) Just wanted to thank you again for helping us both heal, in the aftermath of war! Thanks for teaching us both how NORMAL we really are. Stay safe and well on your journey dear friend. My love to your adorable hubby Bob. All our love, always, Jim and Chris Woolnough http://groups.msn.com/AftermathofwarcopingwithPTSDtoo/welcome.msnw
chris woolnough <cwoolno1@aol.com>
I am glad you are okay! Love you too!
USA - Sunday, October 30, 2005 at 08:54:04 (EST)
Patience, I am a returning OIF2 vet. I served a tour in 2004. The war was the easier of the two battles I'm fighting now. The battle with PTSD is almost overwhelming. As bad as it is for me my wife and two sons are seeing the results. Thank you for comming up with this website to allow families of vets to know that they are not fighting these battles alone. I read both Chickenhawk books and often wondered what you thought about what your husband was going through.
joe drennen <joe_drennen@yahoo.com>
cordele, ga USA - Sunday, October 02, 2005 at 12:52:34 (EDT)
Thanks and welcome home, Joe. I hope you will read Recovering and find out what an idiot I was at first. That's why I wrote it, the book I wish I had had when Bob got home.
Hi Patience: Just yesterday I had lovely email exchanges with Chris, but am still left with an unresolved problem. I had written that I have a brother and several friends who are Vietnam vets with PTSD. They had previously been active as both givers and receivers of support and were peer counselors on PTSDpeace.org-an alliance that is underused and currently poorly led. So, retired psychiatric social worker that I am, I went resource-hunting (finding resources for vets and their families is something I did on the aforementioned site). Saw Brothers Bound by Honor-but it has no forum or chat room or message boards where vets can "talk" to each other. Then Chris clarified that "Aftermath" is for family members. I asked her if it was possible to add a board for vets, but she felt that would not be possible. There are dozens of websites that offer all the information anyone could ever want about recognizing, treating, coping with PTSD and a wealth of info about VA support (which has only scattered hospital/clinic locales for support groups). And here is a wonderful website (yours) that has so much going on-but only for the relatives. Any ideas about something I may have missed? My brother (in Texas), friend Pat (in Arizona) and friend Kathy (all vets with PTSD) had been monitoring cries for help on the alliance forum as well as receiving phone calls and emails. I was the one who would fill in if someone else wasnt immediately available to say "hang in there-you will be hearing from another vet". Also, did the searching for resources-new info, etc. I am at a loss for knowing how this battle tested team could find a way to communicate online with other vets. They stand ready to offer (non profesional) support-or to ask for it themselves. And I think of all the husbands and other relatives of your active members, and I wonder-is there no way to get all these guys and gals together - able to talk to each other online? Am counting on your years of experience and your creativity and "grit" to come up with an idea! Thanks for taking time to read this and give it some thought. Ruth Ray Incidentally, still in NY but to live in Pa effective Saturday> And needless to say, this was not a typical guest sign in, but an effort to communicate with you.
Ruth Ray <yomamaruth@hotmail.com>
Pottsville, Pa USA - Monday, September 26, 2005 at 09:26:39 (EDT)
I was involved with a list called PTSD 101 for a while, but had to resign because it became a battleground. Anyone can start a list on msn or yahoo. I simply do not have the time or energy,
I am not sure if you can help me with this, but I came across your site when I was looking for information. My ex-husband of 7 years has been on active duty in Iraq and Kuwait as a Major in the National Guard for almost 3 years. He has always been an excellent soldier, but has never been good with interpersonal relationships other than his family and childhood friends. We had a very unhappy marriage and he showed a side to me that made me feel I needed to take my son and leave. Since he has been overseas, he has been at times almost nice to me. He loves his son very much and always has been good to him. Recently we had a verbal "battle" through email throughout the day and night over child support, custody issues etc... At the end of these emails, he says he has always loved his family and his son and I. He says he wants a bright future for our son and that he wants us to get together and work through our differences. I have heard and read so much about the effects of war and the separation that soldiers deal with during and after deployment. My greatest concern is that I feel this is being inspired by his loss of home and family more than a real desire to reunite. I do not want to hurt my son, him or myself. Is this unusual behavior? I would really appreciate any advice!
Miriam <carolinagirl709@yahoo.com>
Columbia, SC USA - Sunday, September 11, 2005 at 23:28:26 (EDT)
I don't know. Trauma can make people value others more and see what is really important in life. Check out Steven Stosny through Google (CompassionPower.com I think).
I was told about this newsletter by a PTSD sufferer who has been receiving treatment much longer than my husband. One of the first things I noted was a Veteran nurse who said" Who's taking care of Patience?" I have arrived at that point and am now very angry that since 1972 everyone, family, friends,etc. have been focused on my husband and no one has ever thought "what about Susan"? I am just beginning to realize that I have a great deal of stored up anger and disappointment and no place to air it. I never thought,"what about me?" I just kept going. I guess I have arrived at a place where I am now thinking "Is this the way it will always be? Is there no hope for what I remember as normal? Does no one care how I feel?" Certainly it is more obvious since we have no one living with us any longer. Both kids are grown and out of the house. I tend to focus on groups, projects andything that will take me away from the issues at home. Things my husband and I used to do together are no longer of interest to him and if I ask him to participate he sits in the corner by himself and friends say "Poor R--, what is the matter?" I don't know where to go for help - I go to Al-Anon, he is a recovering alcoholic, and I deal with my own issues as best I can. I wss very ill in 1996 and my husband refused to help mr because he thought I was making it all up. 3 months later, following 10 days in the hospital and the doctor telling my husband that I almost died, still makes no difference. He says to this day "I thought it was all in your head" I feel, to this day, strong anger and hurt. Throughout his entire 33 years of struggle I have stood behind him and just one time, one time when I needed something, I received nothing. Do I need help? You bet. Susan
Susan G. Harrison
Morris, CT USA - Friday, August 19, 2005 at 08:13:05 (EDT)
I can't blame you for being angry. I wouldget angry, too. "Making it all up," is his denial, and denial is not just a river in Egypt, unfortunately. It seems to me he is using denial because he feels like he will die (?) or lose out someohow if he recognizes your health issuse, either of grief, or thinking that if anyone else has health issues no one will take care of him. It is a tough row to hoe. Remember the slogan, "Expectations are pre-meditated resentments." I hope he finds a way to show you he cares.
I've been in treatment for more than 10 years for PTSD. Thanks to the Veterans Administration in Boston, MA, my life is a bit better today than it was before hand. Thank you for putting this web site up. I'm sure it has helped many. I just had a book published about my service in Vietnam and PTSD. It was officially released March 31st of this year. Please visit my web site for more details. Thank you... God Bless and welcome home!!!
Pauley <Pauley68@gmail.com>
Derry, NH USA - Wednesday, August 17, 2005 at 05:51:39 (EDT)
Hi Patience, my name is Bruce Betner and I am a Vietnam Vet (67-68 Marine Corp) who has been in recovery since 1991. I struggled with PTSD from 68 until 1988 when I finally got help at the VA in Menlo Park, California. I am now a member of South Jersey Viet Nam Veterans. I currently hold the position of Director of Counseling at my local Church and their Community Center. I admire the work that you do and was wondering what it would take for us to host your seminar here at our facility. We are in South Jersey, about 30 minutes from Atlantic City off the Atlantic City Expressway. We have a brand new, state of the art facility and I am in the process of developing my 2006 calandar. I would be honored to host your seminar here. Do you think that you and your sponsers would consider South Jersey?
Minister Bruce Betner <bbetner@stmatthewsbc.com>
Williamstown, NJ USA - Thursday, August 11, 2005 at 13:53:42 (EDT)
I would be more than happy to come anywhere and speak on the subject of PTSD. I don't have any sponsors, so I have to charge for giving talks. My fee is $500 per speaking day and I am willing to give as many talks as I can in one day. I also have to get my expenses paid.
Patience, I am writing to say thank you for all the good you have done by providing user freindly education materials for the person coping with traumatic stress and thier family members. Know that your work has made a difference among many coping with the painful memories and emotions of trauma. Semper Fi, Paul Harrigan
Paul J. Harrigan, MA <paulpsyche@aol.com>
Miami, FL USA - Monday, August 08, 2005 at 14:27:51 (EDT)
I appreciate your kind remarks.
Hi Patience, Received you site from Ed Madara. It is really very interesting. I have been trying to get something start here in NC. My son was a vet from the first Iraq war. In January of 2004, he committed suicide. After talking to a VA rep, I was told he sounded like he had PTSD. I didn't even know what PTSD was. After going through his medical records, I found where he had ask for help and the VA told him there wasn't room for him. This is why I want to do something for the soldiers coming home. They deserve more than they are getting. Right know I have Senator Dole investigating my son's company records to see where he was in Iraq and what possible things that could have happened to him to cause him to do this. I want to make sure other people know what to look for and what you are doing is a good thing. Thank you for doing what you are doing. Nancy Sanders an angry mother of a vet soliers
Nancy Sanders <sandersnl@aol.com>
Mt. Gilead, NC USA - Monday, August 08, 2005 at 22:16:00 (EDT)
I am so sorry for your loss and I agree with you completely.
I have been dating a very successful, but divorced Viet Nam Vet for a year and a half. During that time, he has continuously expressed his love for me. Now he has removed himself completely, told me not to call his home or work, yet one day he will write and e-mail about how much he loves me & the next day he never wants to see me again in his life. Help, please help.
Sue
Whitehall, NY USA - Saturday, August 06, 2005 at 21:30:27 (EDT)
You may be facing his unconscious fear of your dying on him so he goes back and forth about closeness. Many vets lost buddies to whom they were very close. Sometimes they were killed, sometimes wounded and medevacked, sometimes they went home and left the vet in the field, sometimes the vet went home and left his buddies in the field.
Some vets don't feel worthy of love (Often survival guilt) so they have difficulty accepting it.
The ladies on the websites I linked to above may be able to help, and so will reading the stuff on my website.
I have been trying to purchase 10 copies each of Why is Daddy Like He is? and Why is Mommy Like She is? since May 19, 2005. I work at the VA Medical Center and the pamphlets would be used for patient care. The person that requested them keeps asking about them. Please let me know what the problem is. I have talked to James 5 times about this and left a voice mail August 3. Your assistance is appreciated.
Judith Miller <judy.miller4@med.va.gov>
Minneapolis, MN USA - Thursday, August 04, 2005 at 11:00:30 (EDT)
I hope you have worked this out! Sometimes it is a matter of getting them printed. My apologies.
Great job Patience!
Marilyn Litt
San Antonio, TX United States - Thursday, July 28, 2005 at 19:58:18 (EDT)
I SERVIED IN VIET NAM 67' THO 68' WAS IN THE ARMY MY JOB WAS NOT ONE I EVER PLANED ON DOING LET ALONE EVER THOUGHT WOULD END UP DOING, FOR I WAS A "G R MAN" FROM THE TIME I WAS DRAFTED TIL THE TIME I FINALLY GOT IN COUNTRY I NEVER HAD TO DEAL WITH MY JOB AT HAND. IT WAS NOT UNTILL ABOUT A WEEK IN COUNTRY THAT I SAW MY FIRST "K.I." [KILLED INACTION] AN IT WAS NOT LIKE ANY THING I HAD EVER EVEN THOUGHT IT WOULD BE LIKE, IN THE FIRST 2 MONTHS I SAW OVER 600 K.I.'S , ONE DAY OVER 300 CAME IN WE ONLY HAD ENOUGHT ROOM FOR 9 . MY LIFE HAS BEEN NOT AS MANY WOULD LIKE AFTER THAT I GUESS BEEN MARRIED 3 TIMES, TEND TO STAY ALONE ALOTE, AN CRY FOR NO REAL REASON AT ALL. I BROKE BACK IN 9/11 HAPPEN, BUT IT WAS NOT BECAUSE OF ALL THE DEATH, MOSTLY IT WAS FROM THE LOOK ON THE FIREMEN'S FACES.........FOR I HAVE THAT ONE LOCKED UP IN SIDE OF ME ALL THE TIME......DO I NEED HELP..........I DON'T KNOW.........HAVE I GONE TO THE V.A. HOSPITAL.......YES' .....BUT LEFT BEFOR ANY ONE COULD HELP ME OUT............WHY I DON'T KNOW IF THEY CAN HELP ME OR NOT. ONCE I WENT WHEN I FIRST GOT HOME TO A VET PLACES....THEY TOLD ME THEN THERE WERE MEN OUT THERE THAT WERE WORSE OFF THEN ME...AN THEY WOULD NOT HELP ME CAUSE I DID NOT NEED ANY. YET' I STILL CRY......WHY' HOPE LESS TO NO ENDS' JOHN
JOHN SHEPPARD
RIVERSIDE, CA USA - Wednesday, July 27, 2005 at 07:25:54 (EDT)
Dealing with the Va is difficult and I wish you well. Thanks and welcome home!
I made a mistake and ordered the wrong book (Beyond Grief). The order number is 2437. I subsequently ordered the right book (Men and Grief) from you. I tried to respond to the confirming email but my response was rejected. Would you please cancel order number 2437. Thanks. Dave Wingert
David Wingert <dbwingert@earthlink.net>
Grantville, Ks USA - Friday, July 22, 2005 at 16:55:14 (EDT)
You can't order that book from my website. When you click on that book or any other not by me, you are forwarded to Amazon.com.
I ordered the Complete Gazette in a binder on June 29, 2005; order #2423. It has not arrived as of yet and I was wondering when I might expect shipment? Thanking you in advance for your prompt reply. Jan McClennen
Jan McClennen <love2reed2@comcast.net>
Vineland, NJ USA - Thursday, July 21, 2005 at 11:23:32 (EDT)
Please accept my apologies and I hope you have been contacted by James, the man who ships for me out of Smart Mail Services in Alachua, FL. If not you can call him at 1-877-PATIENC.
I have been dealing with PTSD for 45 years and didn't know it. My husband is a Korean veteran. One and a half years ago, he found out he had PTSD and we both started counseling through the Vet Center in Portland, Oregon.
After almost one year of counseling, I was asked if I wanted to participate in a writing group sponsored by WellArts.
We met, wrote and recorded our thoughts over a five month period and finally put it all together into a production called "Soldier's Heart". We had two weeks of Sold Out performances and at the end of that time, we felt like new people.
I was the only wife of a veteran in the group. There was one Army nurse and six men representing four different wars.
Here is a copy of my blood, sweat and tears over that period of time and what finally went into the production.
I am a published poet and found this means of expressing my trauma.
ACT 1 Group 1, pages 1,2,3,4 NARRATOR: Post Traumatic Stress Disorder reaches its insidious fingers into the lives of not only veterans but, (pause) wives and children are deeply affected as well. Here finally, a wife writes of her pain, and, through her poetry, releases her deepest feelings. Throughout the evening, you will hear her voice crying out to be heard.
Woman: In front of curtain at corner of the blacked out stage with blue light directed down on her:
Poems 1,2,3,4 Ashen dreams tossed asunder, hopes blown by uncertain winds, aching sense of loss felt deeply, a cry trapped in my soul. Wonder when it all collapsed, instead of twining we unraveled somewhere along the painful course. Back to back we drifted until sight was dimmed. Two strangers - lovers together, but apart. Page 1 My inner notes have been lulled to a whisper, The twin flames that ignited magic, flicker low. I remember exquisite vibrations filling the corners of my being. A mute thief stole our symphony and Im left with haunting echoes of the refrain. Page 2 Lashes squeeze, vitality oozes away, released unwittingly to pool in puddled fashion. Hopes are dashed, reminders of joyful moments lost and irretrievable; despondency my reality. Turmoil and trepidation replace harmony and repose. Lifes frailty - torn, blown away in tiny bits. Page 3 When love is deep, its hurts go deeper still, harsh words cut into hidden parts laid bare. Because the anguish makes it more severe, how can you not - in truth - seem unaware? I pull away, you pull away, survival of the soul and mind most tender. Cant you see the need to tell the pain I feel, when hurts you often seem to render? Be my love - my friend, my dear - not my offender. Page 4
ACT 1, Group 2, Poems 5,6,7,8 A person can be strong in spirit but when emotions overflow you lose a part of strength within thats made your aura glow. In youth, there was a joy in me that overflowed to others, this I know. Theres sadness now, replacing joy, can I not wonder what has made it so? My auras dimmed, my spirit flown away, to live my life in sorrow not my way. My wish for me is simple and forthright. Return to me, my vivid light of life, RETURN MY SOUL. Page 5 Deep in the night I come awake and feel as if my heart will break. My thoughts continue in this vein, round and round my confused brain. No rest by day or even night, is there no answer to my plight? A cry for help that none can hear, some peace of mind would help, my dear. Look deep inside your troubled soul, find what is taking such a toll. Get help yourself and then maybe, there can be healing help for me. Page 6 Strong and verbal, with no need to please, he moves along his days without much ease. How can I help to make his way full of the joy I see this day? Here is the man I hold so dear, Ill hold your heart you hold me near. Page 7 I ache. I ache so bad that sadness fills my world. he yells and screams no thought of words hes hurled. I walk away, the tears drown out my soul. A wife I am, but I dont feel the role. I hide away within my room, you see, the only way to save my sanity. Communicate? He doesnt know the word, wont listen to a single thing hes heard. Im losing it, each day the pain is more. In feeling this, what good is marriage for? To turn for help is not the answer now. What can I do? More to the point is how? Page 8
ACT 1, Group 3, Pages 9, 10, 11, 12, 13 Its not always what you say that hurts and pushes me away, your tone of voice sarcastic vent, I cringe this makes you seem content. Are you content? No, no, my dear, within yourself there is some fear you cant express wont let it out. You need some help without a doubt. Page 9 I stare unseeing, draped in the scenery of stark memories best forgotten, skin pallored by overwhelming grief that tosses my thoughts like thistle-down. Vacant eyes drop damp petals, control abandoned in blue-white anguish. Chained, addicted to panic and fear, my lifes textures are ground to bits of gray. Page 10 Hes taken on unusual urgency, ponders the discordant silence. Criticism drips like rich blood on my flesh. Color rises in his face, red raging oceans of contempt. My laughter withers, fulfills his fancies, feeds his soul. He stares with blazing hazel eyes, becomes motivated by loathing. Momentum builds, pounds, assaults without cease. I melt like an ice cube and he laps up my pain. Page 11 Theres a deep place inside my mind that claws brutally, steals my very essence, drags away, then buries joy. I spite of intentions, I protect myself in darkness, wallow in weakness, somersault further into depression. Totally withdrawn, I retreat in fetal position; lack of direction carries me towards oblivion. Hidden from my loved one, separated and removed, I drift in pathetic nothingness, not casing, never wanting, just being; an existence trapped in lifeless limbo. Page 12 Discordant songs fringe the edge of thought like spiked lashes filled with tears. The dull tarnish of distress and mute emotion echo, saturate my mind, cloud the seasons of my life. Stolen breath and tangled feelings threaten to suck me up. Destiny fills my hands. Page 13
ACT 2 Group 1, Pages 14,15,16,17,18 We fight to break out of the swirl that traps us. Anger flashes in frustration. Life floats in waves throws us high then dashes deep in opaque water. Silent screams echo through our beings, mouths gape helplessly. We battle in separate tidal explosions alone, alienated in blue moon despondency. Page 14 His temper rises like a tsunami, drowns my soul, bleeds away my love. An angry man faces me. If I dare stand up and say, words hurt my feelings, he stares and yells, isnt that too damn bad. I retreat again. It reaches beyond imagination how a relationship endures all the roadblocks it encounters. Perhaps Im a masochist because I too feel anger, but also sadness, such sadness. Page 15 Im not your verbal doormat, an obtuse abstraction to drag out for your need or a fragile leaf of paper to crumple and toss aside. My bright crystals litter the floor, radiate the tears seeping from my wounded emotions. Vibrant pigments melt, drown my sensibilities. I gulp sadness, remember every barbed and vicious cut. Maybe someday youll confront your frozen fear of inadequacy and, Ill find compassion for your disillusionment. Page 16 Words are swallowed, this verbal fountain capped, reasoning, ready to spew forth withers on a whim. Tangible views are sucked into webs of incoherence, my breath, left as screams in a hollowing wind. Sounds emitted, find empty air, mute pathos, echoes back and drowns my soul. Discordant songs fringe the edge of thought, scoured of emotion except for this splash of tears. I remember the exquisite vibrations of opinion passing my lips, loose and unrehearsed gone now; only scattered fragments float helplessly. Page 17 Im a lost voice screaming in the wind, my breath throbs sadness but your penetrating ears pretend deafness. Im beyond emptiness, a top, swirling in circles that have no beginning or end; live in a sepia world, sucked into a dust bowl surrounded by a pageantry of color, Reach my outstretched hand and find empty air. Once again, Im vulnerable to your whims. Page 18
ACT 2 Group 2, Pages 19, 10, 21, 22, 23 MAN SITTING IN CHAIR: Faces the audience more directly, still sitting with elbows on knees, leaning forward, and recites the following poetry with only a long pause in between each:
We laugh, the laughter of young men, memories bright with flame and vigor. Vision has faded, cheeks are deeply wrinkled, speech falters and fingers tremble. Steps waver as they plod the earth, watch the ground instead of the clouds. Once warriors, we were seasoned with fire. All that remains are recollections and a few comrades. Page 19
Looking far across the monument erected there, brief glimpses of another day sweep into mind my soul laid bare. Concealed the anguish buried deep, Ive hidden it away so long; recall with grief the bitter times of battles fought and things gone wrong. I share this time, not willingly, hurts too deep for me to share. In my mind a thought for those whod not returned the young the fair. Page 20
Battle gore is gone, tamped down into forgetfulness, kept in its place by memory tricks. We reunite to remember the humor in hostility, a patch over wounds best hidden. Our long line has thinned to just a few, eyes not as clear, stride slower, emotions stronger. We clasp each other, glad to have survived events we cant seem to quite remember. Page 21
Man rises from chair and faces the audience: Painful memories, buried deep in my subconscious, slowly surface to poke and nudge, frighten and fester. I feel anguish, see the dead lying in rows, body bags efficiently zipped over blank faces, the light of life extinguished forever, Oddly, sense reliefeven joy, that the face staring up at me isnt my own. Fifty years later, a name is attached to my awareness. Finally, tears course down my cheeks for my fallen comrades. The drops heal the young soldier from so long ago and the presently scarred warrior. Page 22
After Man Finished Speaking, Woman speaks onstage to him, Come, bring me your shadowed, shattered dreams, your cup of apprehension, distress and resentment. Empty it here, fill your vessel with the drawing warmth of release. Let my flame brighten your fragmented spirit. Seek my warmth and come away restored. Spots fade to black
Sharon Rothenfluch Cooper <coopersd@worldnet.att.net>
Portland,, OR USA - Monday, July 18, 2005 at 22:49:24 (EDT) I hope you will keep on writing.
please try to write back to me. my husband is 100% service connected ptsd marine corp 1968-1971 recon. we have been married for 25 years and we have an amazing story to tell with a little different perspective than others thanks
deborah sonagere <bosoldlady@yahoo.com>
caldwell, oh USA - Sunday, July 17, 2005 at 01:19:23 (EDT) I hope you will write your own book!
I feel your article is very worthy. My wife does not understand why I'm having problems. After Viet Nam I was a police officder for 25 years. I saw death on a routine basis. I have burried two sons and one step-son.
Hunter R. Morgan <HMorgan170@aol.com>
Lakeland, Fl USA - Friday, July 15, 2005 at 20:47:30 (EDT)
Bob & Patience: Your Gazette issues were of great importance to us, & I wish that you had continues with them. I am the retired Wash., D.C. policeman that retired almost exactly 10 yrs. ago, and I now teach in the Arlington County Va Public Schools, as well as at Northern Va Communmity College, Criminal Justice Program. My P.T.S.D. appears to have been the result of almost 26 yrs. as a policeman. Your articles, Bob's books, and your book, "Recovering From the War....." has all been a source of help, comfort, and assisting me in coping, and helping other Vietnam Vets, and older police retirees. I fortunately, was discharged from the Army in June 1965, and did not have to go off to Vietnam, even though my cousin from Orlando, Fla. did. I wanted so much to meet you and Bob in person a few years ago, as it was so important to do so. I trust that all is well with you and Bob, and you will always be able to help veterans of all wars up to the present time. God bless; peace.
Randy Moore <Badge3128@aol.com>
Falls Church, VA USA - Thursday, July 14, 2005 at 23:42:15 (EDT) HEY RANDY, good to hear from you!
Bob, I was with C Company 229th. AHB, First Air Cav. I was a crew chief on bird 284. I read your book several years ago. Thanks, I had no way to explain to some people who wanted to understand why I came home so different and I couldn't explain. After I read your book I gave a copy to my dad, girlfriend and several others.I am now 100% ptsd and have been for the last three years. I have been going for counseling at the va since the late 70's but could never bring myself to apply for benifits as I wasn't wounded. If you get this please write back. Gary Owen. Thanks My Brother, Doug
Doug <www.aaddg8040@aol.com>
melbourne, fl USA - Tuesday, July 12, 2005 at 11:07:27 (EDT)
Dear Patience I found your site as I was actually looking for a way to find a publisher who will read my Nover, "The Names NOT On The Wall". I was a Navy Corpsman with a Marine grunt unit in 1968.69, and the novel is intended to show the world how it "really" was. No hype, no fluff, no indestructible hero's. There were many hero's indeed, none were indestructible. I have several songs and poems that have been published ( they are quite good actually), but getting a Publisher to read a first time Novelist is quite a chore. I will enclose one of my poems as a sample of my writing. Oh, the reason I chose to write you is my novel deals with and shows wives, mothers, fathers, and loved ones why the man they kissed goodbye isn't necessarily the man they kissed hello. The Name NOT On The Wall Thirty two years had come and gone, I needed to see my friends. So I took a list, a few small gifts, and went to visit them. I was their "Doc" in Vietnam, and silently recalled; how their name had earned a resting place; engraved there on The Wall. The bag of gifts were personal, simple things I guess; Some Hot cocoa, Florida sand, and a pack of cigarettes. I took my list to the "Lady in Blue", to help me find them all. Soon I stood there moved to tears.... Staring at The Wall. Slowly approaching the massive Wall, my list of names in hand; I found each one, mourned them all; then traced "Bud's" name with sand. "Did you know him well?" said a ladies voice, whom I turned around to face. She was there to mourn her fallen son; I saw it in her face. "Was he family or did you serve with him? You know he's now at rest". I smiled and held my palms toward her, "There hands were in his chest" "I was his Doc in Vietnam, But couldn't save them all." Recalling my Field Med Instructors voice, I turned back to "The Wall" "Rule 1. Good men will surely die when all is said and done" " Rule 2. You do the best you can, But you won't change rule #1. I spent the night there with my friends, The ones who gave their all. When the sun rose bright, I'd wept all night Staring at the Wall. I went to my room, but soon returned, Just after a few hours sleep. To deliver the cocoa and cigarettes, a promise I'd yet to keep. As I sat and watched the mourners go by, with names they sought to find; A heartfelt Peace came over me, as I opened up my mind. As they wept and searched for loved ones names; The Wall came alive to me. In my mind I saw a list of Names... Names THEY could not see. I saw each man I had treated Every casualty; Each Marine I had given back life... Names not there because of me. Chris would not weep here searching for Larry's name; Janie would not cry here mourning Fred; The list grew long, lives and limbs now saved; among the living not here with the dead. I spent the third night all alone; with my heart at Peace I saw. My tour in Nam was justifies... By the Names NOT On The Wall. Doc Hutch Alpha 1/5 1968/69
John (Doc) Hutchings <docnlinh@bellsouth.net>
Lake Como, Fl USA - Monday, July 11, 2005 at 09:12:30 (EDT)
I'm wondering about the post from "J" who's worried about her Vets, "non-epileptic seizures". Has he been screened for Agent Orange related illnesses? Chemicals can do quite a number on the nervous system and brain activity. It could have been masked by all the alcohol and drug use in the past. I would highly recommend he ASK the VA do do a screening and evaluation asap. They do not always look for AO exposure when being examined medically at the VA. If anyone was "IN COUNTRY, THEY WERE EXPOSED" !!! You can look on our website, Aftermath of War~coping with PTSDToo for more AO information and links. Hope this helps. Hugs to you Patience!, Ter
Ter <tetvetswife@aol.com>
Boynton Beach, Fla USA - Monday, July 11, 2005 at 07:34:09 (EDT)
My credit card was charged for $47.30 on April 28, 2005. I have called at least 5 times and emailed 3 times and keep getting promises of "mailing it tomorrow" or 2 weeks ago "overnight mail". We need these issues. But if we don't receive them shortly I will have my credit card company handle the matter. I have been very patient as am sure you are overwhelmed with requests, but this has been long enough. Would someone, please, please respond and send these back issues?
Marie Neil <imneil@nwi.net>
Soap Lake, WA USA - Sunday, July 10, 2005 at 22:38:44 (EDT)
Hi Patience, I feel like I know you as my husband was diagnosed with PTSD almost 10 years ago. At that time, the psychologist at the Colmery-O'Neill VA in Topeka, KS gave me a copy of "Recovering from the War". It quickly became my 'bible' and the 'bible' of the ladies in my wives group at the VA. I have loaned it out soooooo many times that it has become almost threadbare. About two months ago I ordered another from your site and although my account shows that it was debited from my account, I still have not received my copy. Am sure there has just been some mistake as I know your reputation as the 'best hope for wives of vets with PTSD'. Please let me know what I need to do to get my book. Thanks for all you do for our vets and for us. Mary L. Montgomery
Mary L. Montgomery <muffmontgomery@yahoo.com>
Leavenworth , KS USA - Sunday, July 10, 2005 at 18:23:13 (EDT)
Hello. Thank u for the info.
Richy
- Saturday, July 09, 2005 at 05:15:01 (EDT)
wow, where to start? First, Patience, you are are a angel for picking of the PTSD "FLAG" and carrying it forward. Thank you for supporting your warrior husband. I am a Marine combat veteran of Beirut ('83-'84). Just recently (4/05), I was "awarded" a rating of 50% for compensation purposes by the VA for PTSD/Severe depression. Sad, is what this equates to is - two failed marriages, a bankruptcy, isolation from family, no friends and no real career. As a Marine, I did what I was ordered and served where ordered... thus a very long 16 month tour in Beirut, Republic of Lebanon. Little did I know... PTSD is a silent killer. While most don't want to concede to weakness...PTSD gives you no choice, if & when, you decide you've had enough. Hand salute to our Vet Centers, started in light of the Vietnam conflict... I started counseling there several years ago and continue today. Anybody reading this - PLEASE don't discount Beirut as a conflict - Beirut is NEVER listed as a hostility it seems. They list The "big ones" - WWI, WWII, Korea and Vietnam, then comes Panama, Somalia and the Gulf War - now, the current combat operations of Iraq and Afganistan. We were "there" too. Until you've sat in a bunker with 122mm mortars falling around you... or H&I fires in the middle of the night... or a truck laden with explosives driving into your building. Whatever the branch of choice - May God continue to Bless our Warriors who serve 24/7 without blinking an eye! Lance Armstrong started a revolution with his "Livestrong" yellow bracelets, selling over 3 million to-date in support of curing cancer. Today, there is a new NOT-FOR-PROFIT organization, "Freedom is Not Free, Inc." - www.freedomisnotfree.net - selling a purple bracelet with the slogan "Freedom is Not Free" on it. 100% of the profit goes to aid service member's families of injured or killed service members. Can we support them?! Be well and NEVER GIVE UP! Russ State
Russell E. State <nowhtflag@yahoo.com>
Vista, CA USA - Thursday, July 07, 2005 at 16:22:38 (EDT) My heart goes out to the marines and other service people who were in Beiruit. It is included in my list of hostilities. Thanks and welcome home!
Hi, all-- Just a note to let everyone know I am back in Nashville, TN--www.sidran.org is handling "Managing Our Selves: Building a Community of Caring" and the companion book, "Managing Our Selves: God in Our Midst." All the associative skills' videotapes are also available from them, on change, feelings, and boundaries. I saw the 828.396.0951 telephone number, and, it's my old NC number--no longer works. I've turned my energy to trying to support long term large scale social change, and to get more understanding for trauma going in different places. I encourage everyone to get involved with the Center for Mental Health Services' consumer efforts--there is a genuine effort to begin to incorporate the voice of those of us hwo have lived with "mental illness" in the service delivery system, and unless trauma survivors, esp those who developed dissociative disorders, speak up, it will evreyone with the other diagnoses speaking for us. Everyone's voice needs to be heard. There are scholarships available for many of the conferences. Please--speak up. Here's the website: http://www.mentalhealth.samhsa.gov/consumersurvivor/ Be well, Elizabeth Power
Elizabeth Power <powere@mindspring.com>
Nashville, TN USA - Wednesday, July 06, 2005 at 22:51:15 (EDT)
Patience, You have a great resource on PTSD. I've added a link to Patience Press from http://www.bullyonline.org/stress/ptsd.htm where I describe Complex PTSD resulting from long-term bullying, harassment and abuse. Best regards, Tim Field Webmaster, www.bullyonline.org Webmaster, www.successunlimited.co.uk
Tim Field <timfield@bullyonline.org>
Oxford, UK UK - Saturday, July 02, 2005 at 06:18:03 (EDT)
wow, this is great stuff. i lost an older brother when i was 11. I'm 29 now. i can relate big time to what you are saying, not only personally, but for how my brother's death has affected my whole family. I"m interested in signing up for your news letter. thanks for your kind and helpful words. steve
steve thoman <imjaco@aol.com>
sudbury, ma USA - Wednesday, June 29, 2005 at 23:56:19 (EDT)
I have a situation I have learned is not unusual, I but can't find a helpful person to talk to about. Yes I have a lot of PTS, really spanning most of my life. Yes the child abuse, then the domestic abuse, and then the trauma of having my children stolen by their dad and not seeing them for one year. All this through many bad neighborhoods and also more abuse both physical and mental from dating. To top it off my two daughters really developed an ability to speak and behave very rudely, then hatefully to me over the years. I became more poor than ever when I moved from Kansas to California to be near them when the first grandbaby was born (now there are 4) This is because California is really not a place to move on one income. I have had two jobs at a time and still couldn't make it. I ended up homeless on and off the last 7.5 years. My daughters have been very outspoken about their discust with me on this. Finally about March of last year one of them laid into me with all her might and threw the book at me. The whole time she kept saying "this is not just how I feel this is how everybody feels" Meaning her sister and both their husbands and even her mother-in-law. I was so humiliated I have not spoken to either of them since. One got my email from my brother and sent me a couple of serious emails. In the first she said things like "how can you do this to us? Don't you care?" (meaning stay away from them) I emailed back and I explained, in a general way, what her sister said, and how I already knew everyone felt bad toward me anyway. I told her I am sorry I am not very good at making a living but I can't be around this kind of talk anymore, including a couple more things she had said in her email. I did say I would like to make arrangements to see the children. (the 4 grandchildren) This was last November 2004 and she never wrote back. I left lots of Christmas presents for everyone on their 2 porches very early Christmas day but still no email response. I saved up Easter and Birthday and Mother's day presents but can't get the nerve to mail or take them. I have realized this verbal abuse from my children has been going on since 87, I can't take it, children or no children. I can't believe the humiliation hasn't killed me already. But it seems so harsh and unreal that I haven't seen them so long. I am really completely ripped up. I tried to talk to a VA psychiatrist and he was more disturbed than I am! I am afraid if I hear anymore hateful words from them I swear I will not be able to stand it. What the heck do I do?? Last summer I met 3 other women in very similar situations. I swear everyone of them as nice and sane as they can be. Another reason I am afraid to call them is I am sleeping in a van. I have disability for my back now just the last few months, but I haven't got into any low-income housing yet. Partly because I really can't stand the Sacramento area, and partly because I can't decide where else to go. Do you have a referral of someone in the Sac area that is sane I could talk to?? Or is there a group I would fit in?? Thanks so much. Sherry
S
sacramento, ca USA - Monday, June 20, 2005 at 19:42:58 (EDT
My Husband is in the PTSD Hosipatl in Waco,TX--This helps alot, order your book from amazon yesterday
Anna Tx USA - Saturday, June 18, 2005 at 15:21:06 (EDT) My heart goes out to both of you. Hope you will get the help you need from this website, the book, and the VA.
Lots of why's. Why does it never end ? Why am I filled with intense rage at times ? Why di I get severe days and weeks of depression ? Why do I need my guns nearby all the time ? Why do I have trouble finding the right place to sit when I go places ? Why am I so afraid of sleep sometimes ? Why do certain days make me cry ? Why did I have so much trouble holding jobs ? Why do I have trouble just talking about the past ? Why do I feel like I did terrible things to some people ? Why did some of my friends die, and not me ? Why am I still living ? Why do I continue to live when I would welcome death ? Why did God allow this to happen to me and so many others. Why do I need to drink so I can sleep ?
Bob
St. George, Utah USA - Sunday, June 12, 2005 at 23:22:05 (EDT) Your reactions are normal for what you have been through, because they started out as things that helped you survive the war. Now they probably are your biggest problems. How can you get your needs met without living as if you were still in a war zone? It takes time and help to change. I know there is help in St George because I was out there last year. You have to be willing to do things you don't WANT to do to recover. It isn't fair, but it seems to be reality that it will hurt to heal. Let me know how it goes.
Hello Patience and Bob. Thank you so much for "Recovering From The War". Without it I doubt we'd still be married and I am thankful for your insight and collective experience every day. My husband is a Vietnam Vet. After 1 lost daughter, 2 previous wives, a chaotic lifestyle and previous "heavy" alcohol abuse and "blackouts" that I called "leaving the country", things have changed so much because of your book and the way I and we understand things. I am wife number 3 and the 1st person my husband has spoken to and possibly the only one about the actual details of his experience. Over the past 3 or 4 years however, he has cut WAY back on the alcohol(1-5 cocktails per day instead of a gallon), no coke for 10 years (we've been together that long and married for 8)and very little pot. We've been communicating more, etc... and I thought we had found a common ground. 2 years ago he began having what we just found out 2 weeks ago to be non-epileptic seizures. He had all of the symptoms of mini-strokes, yet every Catscan,MRI,MRA,EEG, EMG, etc... comes up negative. Every major organ functions like an 18 year old. Blood tests negative. Exhausting most possibilities, have you heard of anyone else having these types of seizures? When he would "leave the country" it was usually alchol induced and he would "zone off" and speak fluent Vietnamese, etc... Hide under the bed, the whole kit and kaboodle so to speak. These are different. He stops mid sentence, he hardly breathes, eyes 1/2 closed, no response to any stimulus-NOTHING. He has been in the middle of a conversation and walking and his entire body just stops. Sometimes he's not doing any type of activity and I see him that way. His buddies at work have seen him do this as well. He just freezes and has no memory. Anyway, I'm sorry this has gotten so long. I know you are busy. If you have seen or heard of THIS type of episode, any information you may pass to me may be helpful. Keep up the great work. I know thousands are grateful to you and your husband. Keeping the faith, -J - Sunday, June 12, 2005 at 18:45:15 (EDT) I don't know anything about this. Does anybody?
I have suffered PTSD, and I never served... DH's Vietnam war has affected me for over 20 years...I'm so angery...I KNOW I could kill someone.. I WANT the VA to PAY me and care for me as well!! Police, md's shrinks...have all rolled their eyes...when H has told them..."yes, I told her I would kill her"...but because he is a MAN...and an ADult MAN..they just hand me pills and send me on my way...making me think I"M the one with the problem... Now...I can kill...I..RAGE...and no one cares!!... It's time they wake up to the fact that prisons are full because they sweep..PTSD familes under the rug...they better wake up fast...they don't have enough cells to hold all the abused people they have created.. Has any spouse every been compensated for PTSD???...or will I be the first...because they WILL take care of me one way or the other..
j. Tuesday, June 07, 2005 at 22:08:59 (EDT) I don't know of any spouses who have been compensated. Have you pressed charges with the police? Have you left him? (The most dangerous time, but if you press charges and he's in jail, it will be safer. He needs to learn from other men that this is unacceptable behavior. Please contact your local shelter and work out a safety plan and an escape plan. Then find a good lawyer, because he should pay for your therapy out of his own pocket. If he is 100% disabled, total and permanent, you are entitled to medical benefits through CHAMPVA at the VA or private doctors who accept CHAMPVA and that includes psychological care. My best to you!
I AM TERRIBLY SORRY ... I thought I had read that Bob had passed away ... it was STEVE Mason (Poet Laureate, The Vietnam Memorial)... Again, I am SO sorry, but am relieved that it wasn't Bob ... he's my hero. Bob Goldstein USMC '66-'70 RVN '68-'69
Bob Goldstein <ISellAriz@Cox.net>
USA - Tuesday, June 07, 2005 at 19:02:55 (EDT)
PLEASE tell me the news report that stated Bob had died recently is NOT true. He is a hero to me and many others ... Bob Goldstein USMC '66-'70 RVN '68-'69
Bob Goldstein <ISellAriz@Cox.net>
USA - Tuesday, June 07, 2005 at 17:59:38 (EDT) I don't think he's dead. He's still eating and writing and he moves when I poke him!
I really enjoyed you site. I help Vets get their ratings from the V.A. This will help them understand better. Larry
Larry Bryson <top8@verizon.net>
Hemet, ca USA - Friday, June 03, 2005 at 21:42:04 (EDT) I thank you and welcome you home!
My boyfriend and I are going through PSTD together. It was two years ago this past week that I found out what was wrong with him. He is a firefighter and had a few calls that were traumatic. The second part of the article has helped me to get through today. Thank You very much
S, USA - Monday, May 30, 2005 at 12:48:42 (EDT) I am glad you found it helpful. There are websites for First Responders with PTSD too.
I have started a PTSD at the recovery center, where I work. I am most pleased to have found this site.
Kim , AZ USA - Saturday, May 28, 2005 at 13:28:29 (EDT)
Hi Patience I have come across your site whilst looking for something to help "heal myself". I have been married to someone for nearly 3 years who has PTSD and have over the past 6 months realized that I really need to understand PTSD so that I can do the right thing, not only for my beloved husband, but also for my children and myself! I am beginning to realize that I cannot just make him better, how ever much I love him, and that it is tiring trying to be all things to all people, all the time! Wife, Mother, Daughter, Full-time worker, lover, counsellor - the list is endless and I am going to be no good to anyone if I carry on as I am. I look forward to reading more of your articles and books BUT I am also trying to start a Family Support Group in Indianapolis. I have started up a discussion board on ezboard.com but it is early days and I know these things take time. Can anyone out there give me some ideas of how they have started groups in their area? Any ideas would be great! Thank you for your site, it is insightful, realistic and comforting.
C IN USA - Thursday, May 26, 2005 at 19:22:31 (EDT) My friends at aftermathofwarcopingwithptsdtoo will be happy to help
I ordered 2 books 4/28/05 Why is daddy like he is and recovering from the war did not get or hear from you. E-mailed with no response. Called and someone said it will be here tues. 4/24/05 today is 4/26/05 and it has not shown up please advise Gary
Gary Va. USA - Thursday, May 26, 2005 at 16:36:10 (EDT) My shipping has been fouled up lately, but we hope it is fixed now. If you are having problems with orders, please email me at ptg at patiencepress dot com AND patiencepress at alltel dot net which is James, the guy who ships for me at Smart Mail Services.
Please send me any literature you have on PTSD, as well as a listing of the major clinics or facilities that specialize in PTSD in New England or in the United States. Would like to go for an extended stay at a residential treatment facility specializing in PTSD.
Ellen USA - Wednesday, May 25, 2005 at 16:02:47 (EDT) Many of my materials can be printed out from the website. The rest are for sale on the website. I don't know about clinics but I do recommend www.sidran.org and www.giftfromwithin.org as sources for that type of information
Friends, I have put a web site to help promote better understanding of PTSD among the family and friends of those that have served our country in Iraq as well as Afghanistan and would like to be able to have your site as a link. My site is really just a clearinghouse of information and a place to find resources such as you so I hope you can see your way clear to allowing the link. Your reply would be most appreciated. Thanks, Mike Quirk 845-590-1700
Mike Quirk <mitd@warwick.net>
warwick, ny USA - Tuesday, May 24, 2005 at 15:48:21 (EDT) http://www.bloodlesswounds.org/
Please send me these materials as it will assist me in treating the clientel that I service. Thank you
Jill <p0ofbg0n@aol.com>
Richmond, CA USA - Sunday, May 22, 2005 at 15:50:42 (EDT) Many of my materials can be printed out from the website. The rest are for sale on the website.
I am a viet. vet. who is 100% service connected for ptsD, I am also a retired firefighter/paramedic. I have read every book you and Robert have written, in fact I asked both of you to sign a couple of them when I heard you speak at the Portland Or. va in oct. of 2004.Thank you for all of your hard work,research,and compassion. I am trying to reach-out to everyone I can to raise the awareness and need for treatment for my fellow vets and firefighters.Please add me to your mailing list and may God bless you and your work Semper-Fu(bar), Keith Brown fmr. USMC
keith c brown <kcharlesbrown@msn.com>
corvallis, or 97333 - Friday, May 20, 2005 at 17:16:53 (EDT) Thanks and welcome home!
Hello its me again, I hope every thing is ok with and your family. Riply to what you have send to me, thank you again for your kindness and your support. I went to your site but unfortunately I couldnt order the rest of your text of issues. Could you please help me out and let me know where I can get them. Thank you for your attention and your help. Hear from you soon. Wish you best and your family
Delbar Niroushak <delbar@niroushak.com>
Tehran, Iran - Wednesday, May 11, 2005 at 07:17:28 (EDT) I will try to email them to you.
Hi Patience, I'm the Lady on the motorcycle that saw you and Bob a couple of years ago at the gas station in Melbourne. Renee at West Palm V.A. is my husbands councelor and she also runs the wives support group of the nam vets thats in groups. I'm also very good Friends with Charlie and Ter. Thank god for People like YOU and TER. this has been a life saver for me. One of your sisters, Linda Randolph
Linda Randolph <linran@bellsouth.net>
Lake Worth, Fl USA - Wednesday, May 18, 2005 at 02:36:00 (EDT)
Thank you for the very useful text and I'm prowed of your work, its unblieveable how you went through all and never gave up, I wish we could be like that more often. My name is delbar and I work with veterans wives for so long and your text opened up a new way of education in my field. I have translated your text and with your permition added some other informations as well and it got even better. I'm a masters degree counsellor that works with PTSD wives. For the first time I have turned the wives not in to the victoms of war but insted in to a counsellor themselves and as a result from arund the Iran every wife comes to my classes inorder to understand PTSD better and also be a help to their survivors. I have learnt alot from them and want to learn more, but unfortunately I dont see any other texts of you in the site. So please if there is any thing more that could be useful for the wives and the education of PTSD, please inform me. Thank you for your love, hardworking and your support. Please keep in touch With All Best, Delbar Niroushak
Delbar Niroushak , Tehran, Iran - Monday, May 02, 2005 at 08:14:28 (EDT)
Thank you for the wonderful feedback.
It was so great seeing you again in Melbourne at the 18th Vietnam and All Veterans Reunion. It was such a great day for us. Your talk was awesome as always. Thanks so much for all you do. XOXO Love ya, Ter
Ter
Boynton Beach, Fl USA - Friday, April 29, 2005 at 09:52:36 (EDT)
Thank you Ter and Charlie for showing up. Love you guys too. Next year I plan to do "Recovering from the War," on Saturday, and then my new talk, "The War at Home" on Sunday morning.
Can anyone tell me why Im receiving an anxiety SRI medication prescription for my service connected PTSD from my Psychiatrist, service connected PTSD treatment in the VA OPC Behavioral Medicine section, personal counseling at the Veterans Counseling Center, and why Im also in a weekly VA PTSD group therapy program at the VA OPC when the Regional VA C&P section says I dont have PTSD? Why havent I been assigned to someone in Behavioral Medicine at the VA OPC who Ive had a chance to observe over a period of time and feel is possibly someone who I can trust and open up to in private face to face therapy? Group therapy serves a purpose, but lately I find myself becoming less satisfied with my own (personal) emotional journey. I see others making progress, yet I feel that somewhere Ive reached a point where my own mind is having difficulty letting me progress any further down that road (at least at the same pace as others). I often go home afterwards feeling more morose, melancholy, and sometimes angrier than I felt before going to group. Thats when I go home, bunker down until the following therapy session, medicate myself, and embrace succor in the arms of blessed sleep if she deigns to come to me. As Charles Kuralt once said, There is melancholy in the wind and sorrow in the grass. The VA C&P says their clinical psychologist said I didnt obsess over my stressor and it was, in essence, atypical of PTSD sufferers. In his opinion I just have some form of anxiety. Chronic/acute stress anxiety, if it persists for more than six months, should automatically be upgraded to PTSD and treated by those guidelines, according to the DSM-IV. Im sorry to inform him, but PTSD is DEFINED as an anxiety disorder in the DSM-IV manual by the VAs OWN VA National Center for PTSD website, and most mental/emotional disorders dictionaries. Why didnt the examiner use psychiatric PTSD tests, self assessment forms, administer numerous standard psychiatric tests to diagnose and gauge PTSD (or other mental disorders), and as a result of our 30 minute chat use and cite particular NAMED clinical interview modules in lieu of his personal impression to the VA C&P? Where is the multiple page psychiatric assessment form he should have filled out? Was he ever in the military or in a war zone where perfect strangers were trying to kill him? Does he really understand the trauma of war without any real life experience? Im sorry, but I simply cant open up and bare my soul in 30 minutes to a perfect stranger who I dont know if I can trust, or not, especially after cooling my heels in his waiting room for an hour and a half past my appointment time, nor his rush to conclude my assessment since it was almost time for him to leave his office. It takes MUCH more time, interpersonal respect, and the use of diagnostic interview tools than I received. My treatment in his office certainly didnt engender interpersonal trust in my mind. The man even asked me if Id brought my records since the VA hadnt sent them to him before the interview. C&P says they did in my statement of case letter and and that he had reviewed them before the assessment. I suppose that implies Ive only IMAGINED my PTSD diagnoses and its continuing symptoms and results, or else they (C&P) are impugning my integrity and character regarding personal ethics and honesty. Speaking of personal (individual) honesty and ethics, how many people do YOU know who would keep over $25.5K in VA Improved Pension checks (which were sent to them in error) over a three year period without cashing even one of them? Yes, you heard me correctly. It took me three years of trying to get the VA and U.S. Treasury to quit sending me those checks which I wasnt entitled to receive anymore. I had started receiving SSD checks when I quit cashing those Improved Pension checks. I might add, I was only living on a small SSD pension of approximately $12K annually, and was paying over $700 each month out of my own pocket for medications, private psychiatric care, and medical care at the time. Those extra funds would have come in mighty handy, at times. The VA C&P bureaucrats better NOT question MY honesty and integrity. I doubt that theyd personally be unable to guard and resist cashing any of those checks for three years. I had one 15 minute PTSD evaluation years ago by a VA employee at the VA Regional Hospital. In those days, the claimant pretty much HAD to have a CIB or the claim was automatically denied. Therefore, no matter how much Ive been told that things have changed at the VA, and regardless of the PTSD diagnoses of numerous clinical psychologists, therapists, and M.D. psychiatrists BEFORE and AFTER my current C&P evaluation, I found the VA C&P has quoted the ORIGINAL evaluation denial letter text from years ago, practically verbatim, in my continuing appeals denials . In other words, they choose to use the evaluation by their own contractor who gives them a negative report detrimental to me, rather than the assessments of numerous other board certified mental health professional assessments over the past 25 years which dont agree with his. What are his professional qualifications? What about his curriculum vitae? I question his qualifications to assess PTSD claims, and his PTSD diagnosis education and experience level. Did he ever have any Judge in the federal court system voir dire him and legally certify him as an expert on PTSD? I have real trouble with, and question, the arbitrary and biased validity of this C&P assessment and the ethics of VA C&P bureaucratic bean counters wholl use any excuse to deny claims....but thats a subject for the courts, I imagine. I suppose thats what lawyers are for. One part of the VA builds someone up, while another VA entity tears someone down, rips out their newly found spirit, and reinforces their negative thoughts about themselves, the war, the VA, and others in society. In my personal opinion, this causes more harm than good for the already traumatized veteran. No wonder suicide (and homicide) incidents are so high among people suffering with PTSD. If some unknown bureaucrats rip out a veterans soul after they finally expose it in therapy and treats them as the lowest of the low lying malingering malcontent, something terrible and tragic might happen due to depression and/or anger. Only then, society will sit back and say, why did this happen?. The answer will come back in the form of a demonized characterization of that veteran who was either crying out for help one last time, or striking back out of anger in a quest for validation. Someone might, just might, finally HEAR him. I know that in MY case, I am already cognizant of myself retreating back into my mental fortress, and am already aware of more massive walls and battlements being erected in my mind to protect myself from additional assaults. I am becoming more reticent, recalcitrant, angry, cynical, and reclusive, as I go back to an well known familiar old pattern to cope with my own building and crushing depression. Others cant hurt me more if my emotional walls arent breached and I dont let down my guard. In my case, fool me once - shame on you....fool me twice - shame on me, certainly applies. Personally, I cant see the need at the current time to throw a, fool me three times or more factor into the equation. It seems like a pointless personal exercise in futility. Im an honorably discharged, traumatized, disabled veteran who suppressed my personal feelings and heeded the call of our country in time of crisis during the Vietnam War because I was a patriot. Im STILL a patriot. I enlisted for four years when so many were running away from, and protesting against their duty to this country. I didnt CHOOSE to be tormented by the ghosts of Vietnam for the past 36 years. Does the VA and our government really care? Does anyone hear ME?
LDR
Tulsa, OK USA - Tuesday, April 26, 2005 at 16:05:33 (EDT)
Thank you for your service. The VA Hospital system and the VA Compensation and Pension system are two separate entities, and it is rare that the Compensation people listen to the treatment providers. Please appeal this decision. Write them and tell them that the interview with this ididot was "inadequate for compensation purposes" as the psychologist was using his own private opinions of what PTSD was instead of the DSM-IV, and he had not read your case file and was in too much of a hurry.
How they can put such ignorant people in charge of C&P exams, I don't know, but they do. I talked to a vet recently who was told that his experiences on Hamburger Hill couldn't have been as bad as the movie.
Please do not give up. The best revenge is to succeed with the claim. Bob and I went through the same sort of bs for years, but we never gave up. Thanks and welcome home, Patience
Please send me the first issue of the PTSD and the 12 Steps. I may need to start a group here in the Phoenix, AZ area and need some reference material. I have been clean and sober for 23 years and have been receiving treatment for military combat related PTSD since 1989. Thanks Bud K
Apache Junction, AZ USA - Monday, April 25, 2005 at 23:51:18 (EDT)
I don't ship free copies of Issue #3, "PTSD and the 12 Steps", but you can print it out from my website. You can also print a format I wrote for a 12 Step Meeting for Veterans Family and Friends. Both of them can be copied and shared with anyone. I also produce a $1.00 pamphlet called "An Explanation of PTSD for 12 Steppers: When I Get Sober, I Feel Crazy."
i am never one to be selfish, however i can't help but wander what disorders i have developed through this horrible nightmare i never saw coming? my husband of 11yrs lost his father thanks to a drunk driver at 8yrs old, 20yrs later on the same day as his father, his little brother was shot to death over drugs. his struggle was oviouse to me yet he seemsd to deal. 2yrs ago he was first at scene, man died , massive heart failer, my husband gave cpr til help arrived. first trigger 1yr ago at work driving a heavily loaded truck 2 young men hit him head on in a smal car going over 80 mph on wet road they both died. second trigger makes sense looking back now. my husband has become very difficult and detached yet unbelieveably controlling. we may lose our assets which is surviable but i prey we don't lose our marriage also.
stephanie <bnsross_@msn.com>
honey brook, pa USA - Friday, April 22, 2005 at 03:30:05 (EDT)
Reading the post of Jesse from Bremerton of 23/2 and your response to it makes my blood run cold. The only advice this woman needs is to get out before she gets hurt, and to be supported in the decision to do that. Who cares if this guy has depleted cortisol levels? How is that going to help her when he's broken her arm or blackened her eye? Where is the accountability in the veterans' movement? When are we going to acknowledge that however traumatised a veteran may be, if he abuses his family, he is an abuser first and a veteran second? Harsh, maybe, but I've been there - raised by a veteran (abusive), used to be involved in vets affairs and got out because of this hideous double standard that says a traumatised veteran needs help but that the people he traumatises in turn are somehow less important. You wouldn't, I'm sure, explain the mindset or physiology of a rapist to his victim - you would simply re-iterate to her that she didn't deserve it and was in no way at fault. So how does it get to be ok to tell this woman the batterer's point of view, without any reassurance or advice for her except to go and hide in the bathroom? Here's a URL which makes it clear just what war and militarisation really does to women - http://www.feministpeacenetwork.org/MVAW.htm There's no excuse for domestic violence.
Caroline
Cape Town, South Africa - Tuesday, April 19, 2005 at 13:16:50 (EDT)
I agree that if a veteran abuses his family, he is an abuser first and a veteran second. The double standard which some people have is dangerous and disgusting. I am sorry that you were raised by an abusive veteran. You did not deserve that. No one does.
The difference between you and me is that I don't know what she needs, except for information and choices. Her choices. Not mine and not yours. Actually I think what I said was there is no excuse for domestic violence. Your post demonstrates why there is so little effective help for battered women (and batterers.) I don't think shaming and blaming helps either of them. Statistics show that the likelihood of being killed goes up when a battered woman leaves. That doesn't mean she shouldn't leave, but it means that leaving takes planning and help.
I know from personal experience with my mother how shaming being hit can be. Shame took me directly to anger and rage. I am a far more angry and more defensive person than my husband, because I was hit and he was not. I also know from personal experience that if a man hits you once, it does not mean he will become a batterer. I hit Bob in 1969, and he hit me back. (What a surprise). It never happened again.
I don't believe that PTSD is an excuse for battering. Battering is learned at home in childhood, and it can be unlearned using Steven Stosny's program. http://www.compassionpower.com An 87% success rate is phenomenal. It is based on teaching the batterer to identify his core feelings, to feel the pain, to have compassion for himself, which stops the violence because compassion generalizes to every one in his life. Battered women have also effectively used this training to understand that they do not deserve to be battered, and if the batterer does not get better, they do, and they leave without feeling guilty about it. Stosny's father was a batterer, too. He developed the program in a maximum security prison and it worked there and in court-ordered classes (which are usually very ineffective).
the first few lines from Stosny's web page on
Treating and preventing domestic violence:
The Core Value Workshop: Love without Hurt
Bill of Rights
• No one, under any circumstance, deserves to feel disregarded, insulted, controlled, coerced, intimidated, hurt, hit, pushed, grabbed, or touched in any undesired way.
• Nothing that anyone in a family says or does justifies abuse. One act of abuse never justifies another.
• Everyone has the right and the responsibility to heal suffering. Whenever we hurt a loved one we bleed a little inside. That internal injury, unhealed, becomes the source of still more anger, aggression, diminished sense of self, and enduring misery.
Emergency Tactics
No matter what the circumstances, people feel bad for hurting loved ones. To avoid that bad feeling, to avoid hurting yourself and those you love, use the following emergency tactics.
• Know that you have the absolute power to keep from hurting people you love even though you feel hurt and angry. There is no such thing as uncontrollable anger. You have a lot more inner-strength than the lashing-out response of anger.
Question: A friend of mine, ex military, was in doing some security work in Bagdad was involved in a blue on blue shooting. Nearly lost his foot, is there anyway to get compensation through the VA or gov't? He's had five operational already. Thank you David
David Payne
I am not aware of any way, but I do know that if he is about to lose his home or can't afford medical treatment he can be treated at the VA. They have programs to keep US veterans from becoming homeless and to treat medical problems for those who can't afford it. He may also be able to get medications free or at low cost at the VA.
USA - Sunday, April 17, 2005 at 23:24:08 (EDT)I was recently involved in a car accident. The boy pulled out infront of me. He did not survive. The doctor said that I am suffering from PTSD. I can not sleep, I feel very very sad and I wonder WHY!!!! Please help me find a way to cope with this.
Diana
Madison, IN USA - Saturday, April 16, 2005 at 11:00:27 (EDT)
I am suffering from PTSD, and would like to know more about treatment
Madison, IN USA - Saturday, April 16, 2005 at 10:45:53 (EDT)
When someone dies, most of us feel guilty, even if the accident was the dead person's fault. Then we try not to feel guilty because it wasn't really our fault. This is called stuffing. It is okay to feel guilty, since it is simply a feeling and not reality. Feeling it does not mean it is true. It just means you are experiencing a painful emotion. Feelings are feelings, not reasons and not reasonable. Sit with them and they peak and fade. Most people don't know that because they have never seen anyone sit with a painful feeling without getting drunk, stoned, eating over it or numbing out with any number of other behaviors. It is also important to turn a traumatic incident that happened too fast into a narrative memory, so it gets stored in memory instead of in the part of the brain where it is constantly reexperienced.
There are many treatments. Check out Sidran.org, giftfromwithin.org, tir.org, emdr.com, or google "cognitive restructuring of traumatic events." There are also somatic treatments developed by Pat Ogden and Babette Rothschild. Feeling sad is normal when you have been through a traumatic event. Most of us believe we won't be hurt by trauma until we are. Then our perspective changes. We also believe we shouldn't be affected, but normal people are.
It is also important to regain a sense of control or being effective in our lives, so doing some research, finding and interviewing some therapists, and taking the time to get better will help!
Hope this helps
Patience
I'm looking for books, articles, etc. about how to parent a young child with PTSD. Do you know of any such? Our adopted daughter is 3. She has been diagnosed with PTSD--sexual abuse by her foster father and neglect from her foster mother. We specifically need parenting techniques to help her recover.
Dennis , Golden, CO USA - Thursday, April 14, 2005 at 00:25:46 (EDT)
I am glad to see you are making the effort to understand. The best single book I have come across is Debra Whiting Alexander's Children Changed by Trauma, New Harbinger, 1999. I often get books from Amazon, but if money is tight, used copies can be found through bookfinder.com. New Harbinger also publishes A Family Guide to Emotional Wellness which has sections on kids and coping with bad feelings, which many trauma survivors never learn. Another good book is Self-Esteem: A Family Affair, by Jean Illsey Clarke. You could also check on Sidran.org and see if they have further suggestions.
Hi There, I have looked briefly at your site trying to understand and get coping stratiges i suffer from ptsd my son died he ws only four and i found his body ive been into hospital and i think i need to go back in to sort my medication but they will not readmitt me i have suicidle feelings all the time i miss my son so much and have to fight everyday to keep myself safe but time is running out i dont have the strength or the help i need anymore can you suggest something to me thankyou xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
vikki, scotland, scotland - Sunday, April 10, 2005 at 07:34:58 (EDT)
That is a tremendously traumatic thing to have happen. I think there is an organization in Scotland called
Compassionate Friends (Scotland)
44 Coillesdene Crescent
Joppa
Edinburgh
Lothian
EH15 2JL
Phone: 0131 657 2106
Phone: 01560 485384
A self-help group of bereaved parents who have lost a child of any age, in any way. It offers contact with others in similar situations by telephone, home visits, group meetings. There is now an established network for bereaved siblings. Newsletter £9 pa; £3 pa for siblings network newsletter. Operates a postal library with over 700 books, audio tapes and video tapes.
Please call them and ask for help. Medication is like first aid, but then you need to talk to other people who have lost a child and go through the slow painful process of mourning. My heart will be with you.
Patience
Hello Patience, I am an ex-nam Vet Cobra Helicopter pilot. I have read the first two books by Bob and You and have stumbled upon this website. When I want to tell someone what I did, and why I am the way I am today, iI give them 'Chickenhawk' to read and then they all have the same reaction---Absolute shock. I am especialy proud of you for standing by him as we are all good men, just misunderstood. I am in the middle of trying to get my 100% disability for my involvement in the war as a helicopter pilot and for the way I lived until now. I have been deserately been trying to get help and money from the VA. I am 57, and still haven't held a good job my whole life. Like Bob, I ... never seemed to get ahead. I lost my family over my disability to hold down jobs, etc., I feel like I know you because of what you have been through and yet can see that He is a good person, but no one understood us at the time. Any way I will write more and get help from your organization in the near future. First I want to make sure this is you and not some other scams that I have been duped into from some low lifes that take advantage of our situations. Please write me back and I will seek your help. William R(Rick) Schrandt cw2, B troop 7/17th Air Cav Pleiku , Vietnam Aug 70-Aug 71
William R. Schrandt <rocketrick@iprimus.com.au>
brisbane, QLD Australia - Friday, April 08, 2005 at 06:58:55 (EDT)
Dear William,
I don't have an organization. I am a writer and it is just me, no office staff, etc. I also don't really know the newer ropes for getting service connected for PTSD. I suggest getting in touch with Charlie Black at http://www.brothersboundbyhonor.com.
I hope you read my stuff about recovering on this site. Thanks and welcome home
Patience Mason.
Please help me, my boyfriend that i truely love and appreciate so much for what he is going through and what he has gone through in the military. He was in Bosina 12 yrs ago and now is recently diagnosed with PTSD from being in Bosina. He is pushing me away and want to be alone. What do I do? I know he loves me and i love him, and it breaks my heart to see him suffer like this. Please help me Thank you, Katrina
Katrina USA - Monday, April 04, 2005 at 19:38:33 (EDT)
Dear Katrina, Bosnia was hell and people need space to recover, they need time, and they need to be able to feel their feelings no matter how painful. He may not think you can let him be upset, sad, guilty, ashamed, angry, grief-stricken.And most of us can't! We think it is not polite, that we should cheer him up, tell him not to be upset, but that won't help. It will keep him stuck.
Please read all the free gazettes on my website and try some of the groups at the top of this page. Tell him "Thanks and Welcom Home" from me. --Patience
My husband has PTSD and was a Vietnam Vet. I am at my wit's end and could use any words of enouragement.....
LULU PELLETIER
fort kent, me USA - Sunday, April 03, 2005 at 23:09:47 (EDT)
Dear Lulu,
There is lots of sharing and words of encouragement on the groups mentioned above and also on the other pages of my website. All the best --Patience
Super service you are rendering. Thanks much. I am looking for a way to take on some Email pen pals among our kids in the 'Raq................ Any help would be most welcome Jim Fitzgerald Almost Home Action Support Network Dallas TX 214-402-1269
Jim Fitzgerald <graymanshadow@sbcglobal.net>
dallas, TX USA - Thursday, March 31, 2005 at 19:32:21 (EST)
Please place me on your mailing list. Thank you. This website was very informative and helpful.
Sandra Davidson
Bohemia, NY USA - Thursday, March 31, 2005 at 10:39:54 (EST)
The mailing list is slowly growing but it is better if I have a physical mailing address. PM
I need some help. Mike, my fiance, is a veteran of the Panama drug wars and the First Gulf War. He was actually mostly in remission (?) for the longest time--only minor, occasional problems. His dad is now dying of cancer and everything is coming back in spades. He can't sleep, keep a train of thought,anything. He won't talk!! Or, at least not as much as I'd like him to. A little, here and there... I work fulltime, and I'm trying to arrange to take off work for 2 weeks when his dad does pass on. Which is looking like it will be in the next 3-4 weeks. How can I help him cope? Since there's not really any issues of safety or anything, should I just let him hurt and take care of the little things when he loses track? Kind of pick up the pieces and keep encouraging him when I can? I need some ideas
Jackie
Kingston, WA USA - Wednesday, March 30, 2005 at 16:56:12 (EST)
It sounds like you have some good ideas yourself. It always helps me to remember Bob is human, and therefore has his bad and good days.It is pretty normal to be upset when a parent is dying, plus it is probably triggering other losses. Let him be sad, let him take his time processing the death, and do stuff for yourself so his grief doesn't ruin your days. The only way out is through!
Patience
A warm thank you from the bottom of my heart! God Bless Missy, USAF(retired)
Missy
Memphis, Tn USA - Thursday, March 24, 2005 at 19:24:09 (EST)
My sister (age 54) has suddenly annouced to my brothers and myself that she was molested by our father. She claims this isn't represesed memories, and she remenbers all of it. We are having quite a problem in believing her as we all remember dad a strict disaplinarian, but not a pervert. I myself was the younger sibling and have no memories of anything like this. She also left home, moved back home with her own child. Never made mention of this to me or anyone. Basically, if this is true, she left me on my own with no warning. Also, she joined every family get together and never moved farther than 7 miles from my parent. Also, we remember her as a happy healthy youngster and adolescent, making good marks in school, having lots of friends etc. None of this is making sence. I need some direction on what books, etc. to find reasons why people would lie about this. Mind you she told us this in 11/2004 and my father has already been dead for 17 years. I don't get this. Please help me.
K
CA USA - Thursday, March 24, 2005 at 14:59:42 (EST)
This is an important issue for incest survivors.
1-Most of them don't tell when they are kids, because of threats (which a strict disciplinarian might be good at) and because of a desire to keep the family together. Often abusers say the child is too pretty or sexy or evil and makes them do it. (Disciplinarians often use the same excuse for hitting kids.)
2-Some children become very attached to the abusive parent (Stockholm syndrome or identification with the perpetrator).
3-Sometimes they stay close to home to try to prevent things happening to the younger siblings.
4-Denial is the most common survival skill in families where abuse occurs. The kids are being threatened and told it is their fault. To live they have to believe this, so they believe that if they try harder, they can become good and not be abused. Otherwise they die of hoplessness.
5-Denial includes Well, yeah he did french kiss me, but that's not sexual abuse, (It is), all the way up to traumatic amnesia, one of the symptoms of Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder. Many people forget child sexual abuse for some or all of their lives, and recall it when something triggers the memory. Perhaps this happened to your sister.
6-Families in which abuse occurs demand that everyone appear normal and that no one ever reveal what is going on at home.
7-People who have been abused try to hide it. Becoming the best is one way to deal with it, so seeming happy, friendly, and making good marks do not prove that nothing happened.
I find it interesting that you are sure she is lying. Why would she lie? Why would she wait so long? Perhaps she knew she would get this reaction.
I always am more inclined to believe the survivor and support her. If your sister doesn't deserve your support, who does? And if she has been "the bad/angry/dysfunctional one" all her life in relation to the rest of you, that would be another indication that she had been abused.
I hope you will open your mind and heart to her. Patience
My VA PhD/therapist said that you might have stategies for dealing with ED while taking VA MD prescribed 40 mg of Citalpram and 100 mg Viagra which works only about half way. I think I need the dumb Citalpram medicine because my PTSD otherwise gets the upperhand and renders me terribly confused but it causes impotence too...I am 74 and after 28 years I am in the middle of a divorce because of ED. Can you point me to something, please.
A Vet
USA - Wednesday, March 23, 2005 at 18:57:08 (EST)
My thoughts on PTSD and sexuality are in one of the issues of the PT Gazette. The short form is that PTSD affects sexuality, sometimes because it involves letting go of control, and a vet may be afraid he'll hurt someone, or it may involve guilt about lost comrades (they are dead and I'm in bed with my wife) or horrible memories which would put anyone out of the mood. On top of this, medication can affect you and so can age. Things do not spring up as they once did (which if you don't realize is normal is very humiliating to both-to him because he can't spring up, and to her because she thinks he no longer is attracted) and sometimes the guy needs a hand, literally. KY or some kind of oil can help. There are also lots of other ways to satisfy most women besides the usual. Imagination and loving kindness and a sense of humor are very important for old-people sex and medication sex.
There is a technique that often works with ED in which you caress each other but do not touch each other sexually. I think that is done for several days, to disconnect giving pleasure from performance anxiety. It is mentioned in The New Male Sexuality by Zibergeld. It is a good book. Hope this helps. Patience
This poem may be triggering, but I believe it expresses the pain and despair as well as the momentary elation of killing. Killing someone is a major traumatic stressor. Patience
TURMOIL
TWO SIDES TO A COIN
TWO SIDES TO MYSELF
GOOD AND BAD
RIGHT AND WRONG
WHEN THE TWO MEET
GRAYNESS OVERTAKES REASON
BLURRED ACTION
CONFUSED FEAR
NO LONGER REASON
NO MORE CONSEQUENCE
NO MATTER
JUST DO IT !!!
THE BLADE FLASHES
THE BLOOD RISES SWEET RUBY RED
TO WASH THE PAIN
AND RELEASE
WHAT AN ESCAPE
WHAT PEACE
JUST FOR A SECOND THOUGH AND
IN THE AFTERMATH
AFTER THE DUST AND BLOODLUST
SANITY RESTORED
THE DAMAGE DONE
THE BLOOD SPILT
REASON NO SENSE
THE PAIN
AGAIN...
Sean Buckley <daggaboy2003@yahoo.com>
South Africa - Friday, March 18, 2005 at 02:21:54 (EST)
I love you Patience! Thank you for helping me heal.
Chris <cwoolno1@aol.com>
USA - Saturday, March 19, 2005 at 06:31:24 (EST)
Love you too P.
My name is M. I'm from New Zealand but I have been Living in Australia for 6 years and I am a sufferer of PTSD since the age of 8 (I'm now 26) due to sexual abuse as a young child over long period of time. I have seeked treatment although now living in __ my life has gone from OK to Crisis after Crisis. A lot of people are apathetic towards my condition. I was not born like this! I am currently in counselling for this and many other things ie, I have had 2 children my first being born in NZ and my second here in Australia - now the gorvenment has got my two special little boys here called DOCS - Department of Community Services. I only see them once per month for 2 hours. Because the Father (Australian) was abusive towards me and the children I had to put them in respite care and now to be told that I can never get them back. This does not help my ptsd at all. I've had to live on the streets at some stage as DOCS said it's not about "you" its about your "boys". In the end I have become so numb that if I were to feel any emotion or anything of the kind DOCS believe I have anger problems. What do I do, I'm wedged between a so much - it's affecting my PTSD - my health has been affected immensly. I feel that I am alone! Kind Regards, M.
NSW Australia - Tuesday, March 15, 2005 at 19:48:47 (EST)
Sexual abuse survivors often get into bad relationships, not because they are dumb, but because they are numb. And when a normal person meets someone with walls up or numbed emotions, they say okay. The abusive type takes it as a challenge and is nicer than is humanly possible for a short time and then reverts to type. Then the professionals blame her. I hope she gets the support she needs, but I also think it is important to protect children from abuse. She needs help but so do the kids.
Greetings: I am a volunteer member of the PTSD Alliance Organization. Our Internet website is as follows: http://www.ptsd-alliance.org/ or http://www.focus-on-veterans.com. The Alliance is a 501(c) 3 non-profit organization established to advocate and serve sufferers of PTSD. My particular focus is to offer support both men and women currently serving in the military, as well as Veterans affected by PTSD. Given the current situation in Iraq, and so many afflicted with PTSD from previous conflicts, we are working very hard to increase our profile, Thus, I am contacting you to see if you might be interested in distributing our poll.
No one may vote twice, and the data will be compiled to objectively present to decision-makers in Congress. Veterans Healthcare Benefits Survey http://freeonlinesurveys.com/rendersurvey.asp?id=83902 Thank you for your time, and, I hope to hear from you. Sincerely, Patrick Smith ponysoldier51@yahoo.com (AZ) or Kathy at crazyhorse522@yahoo.com (CT) or Butch at Carabu22000@aol.com (TX)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ by Carolyn Newsom (TX) PTSD-Alliance Board Member Spouse, Daughter, Granddaughter of Texas Veterans who received excellent military and VA care
Carolyn Newsom <carolyn660@aol.com>
Ankeny, IA USA - Monday, March 14, 2005 at 13:40:09 (EST)
please send me first three copies of "Post-Traumatic Gazette"
trudy reiche <wandtreiche@yahoo.com>
angola, ny USA - Monday, March 14, 2005 at 03:15:11 (EST)
I send copies by regular mail so I have to have an address. Otherwise they can be printed out from the freestuff page. Patience
i am a South African Vet who fought in Angola and South West Africa looking for information on this subject as i was diagnosed with it but chose to ignor it to my peril now 16 years later it is haunting me can you help
Sean Buckley <daggaboy2003@yahoo.com>
South Africa - Wednesday, March 02, 2005 at 08:17:13 (EST)
We have opened a new Point Man Outpost in the Southern California, South Bay-Los Angeles Harbor area. We are here to serve and not to push religion on anyone. We offer non-fee private/confidential pastoral counsel, support groups, education, and referrals. I am an ordained minister, Viet Nam combat veteran, with an M.A. in counseling psychology. My heart goes out to our veterans and their families. Rev. Joe Perry 310-833-8446
Joe Perry <josiah777@earthlink.net>
San Pedro, CA USA - Friday, February 25, 2005 at 00:27:05 (EST)
I was in Vietnam in 67-68. Thought I had barried everything deep inside me for the last 30 some years. A few years ago, I was diagnosed with PTSD at a V.A. in Fayetteville N.C. I burried it again until a few weeks ago, an Aussie recognized my name and sent me an e-mail. He served in an Aussie unit a few hundered yards from my American unit and after all these years he still remembered me. At first it was GREAT to finally hear from someone that knew the area, battles, etc that I went through. Someone to talk with that "understood" what was inside me. Now, I can't sleep with thoughts of Vietnam. I went from vet to ER Rn working on an Apache reservation that has a great deal of stress. I have put my wife and child through so much because I wouldn't talk about Vietnam, always irritated, a person who rather be as far from people as possible. I need help and I hope it's not too late. My belief in God is virtually non existent...but will try..
John Lentz <jml54@frontiernet.net>
Whiteriver, az USA - Thursday, February 24, 2005 at 02:37:08 (EST)
[Someone once said to me at a 12 Step Meeting that "The only thing you need to know about God right now is that you're not it." You did not cause the war or your PTSD, denial was a survival skill that has lost it's effectiveness, and there is help if you are open to it and willing to do things you may not want to do. –Patience]
Dear Patience, Today is the first time I have seen your website. 4 yrs. ago I married my husband, I am 53 and he is 55. He served in the Navy in 1968-1970. He is a Viet Nam vet and says he has P.T.S.D. He has a bad temper and beat his first wife.He is very difficult to live with. He blames it all on VietNam. His dad was an alcoholic and beat his mom. What I want to know,is he using Viet Nam as an excuse to not control himself? From what he says he did not experience much combat being on a ship. I don't know whether to ask him about what he experienced,I don't want to be judgemental. I don't know if he just wants the pity and attention he gets for being a vet. I need some answers, his aggression towards me is getting worse and worse and I am getting scared. Thank you so much.
Jesse
Bremerton, Wa USA - Wednesday, February 23, 2005 at 12:04:09 (EST)
[In my opinion, seeing your Mom beaten is a traumatic stressor and kids not only get PTSD from it, they think it is normal. It is not. Nor is it right. There is a really effective program developed by Steven Stosny available through his website WWW.compassionpower.com. Stosny's program is court ordered in Prince George's Co, MD, and the participants are 87% violence free after a year by VICTIM report. I have used his techniques to deal with many painful feelings and highly recommend them.
I think his violence is a survival skill in a violent family where people don't learn how to ask for what they want or to compromise. It is now ineffective in getting him what he wants, which I am sure is a loving trusting relationship. It is a result of childhood conditioning which can be broken.
The violence associated with combat is more likely to be lashing out during a startle reaction, followed by shame which is sometimes translated into blaming the victim. It looks like the cycle of violence in battering, but it isn't.
Meanwhile, it is important to know that people with chronic PTSD have depleted cortisol, the chemical that calms you back down after a big rush of adrenaline, and that once they are really upset, heart rate above 175 beats per minute, no one is home. The only thing that is working are the main muscles designed to let you run or fight. These two bits of information gave me the idea that I could simply let go of arguments instead of trying to get him to see my side. "You may be right," and dropping it helps a lot. When Bob was drinking, I also used bathroom detachment, "Excuse me, but I have to go to the bathroom." when it seemed like he was trying to start a fight. (I always do have to go.) Go in there and stay for a while, and often the whole thing would blow over.
You do not deserve to be hit. Hope this helps. –Patience]
Patience, I just ordered your Gazette package finally lol...Can't wait to get them all. Hope you are doing well. Hugs, Ter
Ter <Tetvetswife@aol.com>
Boynton Beach, Fla USA - Wednesday, February 23, 2005 at 09:54:06 (EST)[Love ya Ter! –Patience]
I am a woman who is 54 years old i have been married to a man who is a vietnam veteran for 35 years i would like to know how to get help for a man who is scared to death to get treatment for a illness he has suffered since i married him he has outbreaks that look as though someone has burnt him with a giant iron and than breaks into blisters he has lumps that come up on his back he has a outbreak of something that seem to come out every year on his mouth that looked like an ole sore with dried pus he has high blood pressure and cant afford the medicine the va a has garnished his pay twice he constantly wears black except to his job at the post office where he is required to wear blue i would like to know how to get help i dont work it looks as though my husband is dying i cant get him to see a psycharist he suffered from ptsd and is paranoid i cant force him to go to the mental health at the va what are my options
Muriel Douglas <electlady7us@yahoo.com>
baltimore, maryland USA - Tuesday, February 22, 2005 at 16:10:18 (EST)
[It sounds like he is having some sort of Agent Orange stuff. I would go to one of the service officers at your VA or the patient advocate and ask them how to get treatment. He should get treatment for his medical problems from the medical staff. Most vets can get medications free at the VA. Charlie Black at brothersboundbyhonor.com may have more suggestions.
As far as the PTSD, if he went in the old days, treatment is better now at most VA's. The Vet Center might be another option, and if a veteran absolutley can't go to the VA, they have to assign him an outside therapist.
If he works at the Post Office, he should have medical coverage, which the VA will take. If he gets service connected for any of his problems (high blood pressure is often associated with PTSD) they will treat that free. Also if you are poor enough, you can get free treatment. –Patience]
A Nam vet friend of mine sent me copy of one of your news letters. Thank you just dosen't seem like enough, but thank you. I don't find a volume number on it but the first sentence starts out,"I'm writting to give you encouragement about the struggle to get a VA rating for PTSD." That is exactly where I am. I submitted the claim and of course it came back rejected and asking for dates and time of incidences. My question is, What do I attach to this request? I have copies of daily reports, lessons learned, and other documents pertaining to my tour of "duty" in Viet Nam. Should copies of these documents be sent with the information request form. Having talked with other vets it is obvious they are not likely to award a 100% disability the first time through. The general consencense is that the VA will prolong this journey as long as possiable hoping you will either die or give up. If I supply them with ALL the documents I won't have anything to use during the appeal process. I'm losing it and need help. Thank you
Mike
USA - Tuesday, February 15, 2005 at 09:51:25 (EST)
[Be sure to use a veterans service officer (VSO). They have them in each VA, states and counties also have them. Ask around to find who is helpful. They know better than I. Another great source of info is Charlie at brothersboundbyhonor.com and if you have more questions you can always email me–Patience]
Hello Patience. As you can see from my e-mail address, I live in South Africa. I am an active member of the National Sea Rescue Institute and also a Rescue Swimmer for the SA Air Sea Rescue unit which is based on your Coast Guard Rescue Swimmer program. I found a copy of CHICKENHAWK at a second hand bookstore a number of years ago and make an effort to read it as often as possible. I think it is possibly the best book I have ever read. At the moment it is locked away in my bedside cupboard, held together with an elastic band. Having been involved in the Bush War in Angola, during my National Service with the SA Defence Force, I can relate to being under fire and the stress which follows. I managed to teach myself to " SWITCH OFF " and look at the human body as a piece of meat, but unfortunately the human mind can only take so much ( something like drum being filled with water, once full it overflows. ) Fortunately I live in one of the worlds most beautiful cities and when my drum starts to get too full,I take myself off to the beach, where I am able to relax and bring my life back into prospective. Please keep up the good work and know that you are saving others by easing their stress levels. Yours, JP
John Paul <John@shap.co.za>
Cape Town, South Africa., South Africa - Tuesday, February 15, 2005 at 06:40:50 (EST)
I have finally read something that makes sense to me. I finally can stop blameing myselfand him for the way things are. I am seeing myself on the road to recovery and further understanding of my and our situation. This has been an experience of seeing that neither of us are at fault or to be condemned for our reactions to life and each other. We are both products of our growing up and our own life experiences and we are NOT weird or crazy. Knowing what I know now, The only weird or crazy thing we could do is NOT get the help that is available and to continue living in the world we have built for ourselves. Thank-you for leading me to the path that will restore me to sanity. Yours, Catherine Bermudez Wife of a LLRP Vietnam Combat Veteran
Catherine Bermudez <Baloha9@charter.net>
Reno, NV USA - Friday, February 11, 2005 at 18:24:50 (EST)
GRAPHIC DETAILS I'm glad I found you. My diagnosis is correct. I have ADD, dyslexia a messed up eye and now I get slammed with another crappy diagnosis. That makes it impossible for me to learn in a classroom. The fact was I was humiliated so often in the classroom and I learned that authority wasn't my friend. Now I'm trying to that disorder too. I'm terrified that I'll never get better. I was raped. Two of my family members died and all my friends betrayed me except one. I been set up, sodomized, stalked, had one attempt on my life at 14 and I believe that if authority at school took care of it then I wouldn't have had to do that. I mean why did they let it go. Someone could have died in that incident. Especially with a kid who has post. I'd barely recover from one trauma to find myself facing another. No idea what kind of post I have. If they had something called mutiple trauma disorder then that would be a better description of what I have.
Katz
Wednesday, February 09, 2005 at 08:41:27 (EST)NC USA -
Thank you. You have helped someone more than you could know.
Koloa, HI USA - Tuesday, February 08, 2005 at 17:02:57 (EST)
Patience: May God bless you (and Mr. Mason also). Bob shall remain in my prayers till my passing. I love you both.
Dennis L. Stratton
Millwood, KY USA - Wednesday, January 19, 2005 at 21:16:39 (EST)
About 3 years ago, I met Bill - he like so many others suffered from PTDS. I listened so many times to his stories of the war, of his failed relationships and how he had actually lived in the woods for 5 years. Little did I know that when he rented a mobile home from me, that he fell in love with me. Never once did he give me any clue of his feelings until about 5 months ago, he discovered that I was getting a divorce. Prior to December 19th 2004, Bill and I experienced a love and happiness that resembles a fairy tale. He had lived through hell - thought he had no purpose in life and had decided to live his life out alone. After he and I began seeing each other, he began making significant progress in many areas - especially medications - He was slowly beginning to sleep through the night - His blood pressure was normal - His diabeties was under control - he began to be more concious of his diet - he began exercising - we were beginning a new life - together - we were talking of getting married. Perhaps God gave me Bill for a short time so that I could realize that I could experience love after a divorce - however, and most important I know in my heart that Bill had found happiness and a purpose to live again. Bill died in a automobile accident December 19th 2004 - He was traveling to be with me and my father who was hospitalized and died 3 days later. I promise to say a prayer for each of you every night that you may find a ray of happiness that will reflect just a glimmer of what he and I had together. I loved him dearly. Bill served in the Army from 4/1/65 - 3/22/67 He was from New Jersey
Camilla
USA - Tuesday, January 04, 2005 at 21:29:55 (EST)
[I am so sorry for your loss----Patience]
To: Daniel Elias Pittsburge Pa ,USA And to all of the other firefighters and rescue workers for 9-11 Hours lay like the stones around his feet. The cries...!!! Now muted in his mind come back screaming!! Things his mind can barely digest -less comprehend assault his eyes once again. Heavily he breathes... but the tears come anyways. The fireman turns... and walks back into the chaos where one life might still be found...! He'll try. He'll lay his life down on that promise. xoxo Tanya {Copywrite T.D.F.Headrests 2003} This may be copied freely if no profit is made on it.
Tanya
Ontario, Canada - Wednesday, December 15, 2004 at 13:12:09 (EST)
GRAPHIC DETAILS I have been through hell and back again because I was on many nerve pills that kept me from dealing with the abuse that my ex had put me through. He stalked us ,molested my kids and tried to kill me even when I was pregnant so that his secret would not get out. But I left with the kids and his evil was exposed. Then because of post tramatic stress disorder from the abuse my littlest one tried to kill herself. She was on celexa and it messed up her mind. I put her in c.a.s. and believe it or not the c.a.s. invited this monster who did all this to us to every meeting. To make a long story short I got off the celexa by the doctor putting me on lorazapam. My mind cleared up and when this ex came to a meeting I blasted him. He never came back. I realized that the power he had over me was fear. Once I lost the fear [the meds kept me from thinking clearly] his hold and his power was lost. He cried when I yelled at him. That was a defining moment towards my healing. Then when I got home my mind wouldn't stop so I began to write down every thought until I repeated myself. Weeks worth. Then I read what I wrote and realized that I had no self esteem. I also looked up post tramatic stress and saw my own symptoms. This made me realize that I was not crazy as my ex tried to make me believ that I was the cause of his abuse. I saw that I was feeling guilt that was not mine. He was like that before I met him. Misplaced guilt. The meds were nuts. Then I realized that I had most likely had post tramatic stress from childhood from a facial scar. This set me up for abuse later on. Abusers are like predators they can spot weak ones and use us for their own purposes and can talk us in circles convincing us that we are wrong and they are infallible. I got therapy for post tramatic stress from of all places a rape crisis center. They are equipt to teach us how to deal with our abuse. Pills are not the answer. I thought that I was so crazy that I would be forever on pills. It was not the case. As I said the doctor weaned me off of celexa by using lorazapam. It worked . The lorazapam though also caused me to go nuts. So slowly I was weaned of of them two. A doctor has to watch you carefully. Look on the internet under adverse side effects of...? what ever pill and be very aware of what the side effects are .These pills put me in such a state that I put my own kid in c.a.s. because I lost reality. If you want to kill yourself don't. Look up what the pills you are on can cause. Look into writing down every thought until they are all out. Even if you think that you are crazy-write! Then read it and discover what keeps coming up. What causes you to shake-what is it that you are writing about then? You should not let anyone read this -just yourself until you can understand what it is that's making you angry. Look up post tramatic stress and see if you match any things that they suggest and write what ever pops into your head.I survived and so can you. I believe truly that by writing down thoughts we get a shot at healing our own minds. Then write it all out again and again until you see things condenced and more streamlined. After a few months you will be able to see exactly what it is that has you so mad that you can see it for what it is. You can overcome this. Even men can go to the rape crisis for therapy. They usually don't have any signs outside-kind of hush-hush. Phone the rape crisis emergency line and ask for the office number then ask if you can make an appointment to get help dealing with some issues in your life. Then you will get the help without being drugged and be able to live life with joy again . It is real help. Believe in what I tell you as a starting point.Good luck. Love Tanya your sister who survived. xoxoxoxo
Tanya
Ontario, Canada - Wednesday, December 15, 2004 at 12:23:02 (EST)
What is PTSD??
Sheryl
Howard Beach , NY USA - Tuesday, December 14, 2004 at 08:56:43 (EST)
[Read the site for an explanation, especially the first issue of the Post-Traumatic Gazette--Patience]
Christian greetings,you have a dynamic and spirited site.I am Danny Haszard Bangor Maine former member of the Kingdom Hall of Jehovah's Witnesses Rockland Massachusetts.I am NOW a Christian and a counter-cult educator.God bless all your endeavors."Happy are the pure in heart".[Matthew 5:8]
Danny Haszard
Bangor , Maine USA - Tuesday, November 23, 2004 at 14:38:29 (EST)
Patience: We talked some time ago about firefighters and what happened in New York amongst other things. The service work that has been done by Vietnam Veterans and yourself along with your husband is monumental and beyond any expectation that can be used to describe what you have done. Dedication, devotion, love, care, concern some words that come close but yet still fall short of the mark. We discussed how you felt about the loss of firefighters and if you could make your way to FDNY to talk about PTSD to any and all who would listen. Your work on the subject has aided a number of firefighters who were not in N.Y. but who have served faithfully on the front lines in America and Canada. I have started the N.A.F.F.V.N. or North American Fire Fighter Veterans Network using Bob Pennington of the Travelling Vietnam Veterans Memorial Tribute suggestions on "HOW TO" and "with a CAN DO" attitude it is now up and running since we talked last. The peace and love shown by your web site and the words used to get through are working. The healing with a number of people that I have had an opportunity to direct to your literature and to cross link with other literature on the ptsd subjects has SAVED LIVES......"F.I.R.S.T. S.T.E.P. H.O.P.E." is an acronym being used by N.A.F.F.V.N. it stands for Fire Fighters, Initial, Response to, Stressful, Trauma......Sound off, Tell a friend/co worker firefighter/chief you trust/, Employ all available means of assistance, clergy, E.A.P., other veterans orangizations, Seek competent Psychological assistance (a psychologist or M.D. trained in ptsd and it's signs/symptons. H.O.P.E. Have Options Prior to Engagement of the Process or Exiting the Profession. Patience.....our talk was painful yet inspiring and down in the weeds where the guts hit the reality road you are truly a beautiful human being who cares. Thank you and your husband and thanks to all of the Vietnam Veterans who have led the way to recovery with their blood, their sweat, and their tears along with their courage to move forward in their lives. Truly and insperation to all of us. God Bless Shannon H. Pennington Retired Professional I.A.F.F. Firefighter Senior Chief, North American Fire Fighgter Veterans Network.
Shannon H. Pennington
Mt. Vernon, WA USA - Saturday, November 20, 2004 at 14:15:18 (EST)
I'd just like to know if there's a support group for wives of Vietnam veterans in my living area. I could really benefit from a live person.
Glenda Gilbert
Grand Prairie, TX USA - Wednesday, November 17, 2004 at 13:39:09 (EST)
We were in the group at the LC VA. Really enjoyed meeting you, and listening to your talk. It was interesting, and brought up some things we didnt understand. Thank you again, Howard weant, and Brend SAwyer.
Howard Weant
Lake city, FL USA - Monday, October 18, 2004 at 11:44:28 (EDT)
In answer to the post below: Burkhart is such a careful researcher that he sneers at and completely misstates what my book is about without ever having read it, and such a gentleman that even though I gave him a copy to read at a booksigning we were both at, he has never apologized. He also misquotes Jonathan Shay's book to make Shay look too trusting, and says that someone who was "only a truckdriver," could not possibly have PTSD, like there were no mines or ambushes or snipers and they didn't drive bombs, ammo, napalm. He suffers from a serious lack of imagination about what it was like for others in Vietnam, and thinks the DD214 tells it all. He could have written a valuable book about phony vets if he had stuck to that without trying to decide who could have had traumatic experiences. People have PTSD because they care and they are alive. Those with the most exposure (not computer officers in Saigon), the greatest losses, the least support and the least resources suffer the most. His book has hurt a lot of people.
Patience Mason
High Springs, FL USA - Thursday, October 07, 2004 at 11:44:54 (EDT)
I've read many of the above statements/comments and have a question here for all, have you read the tediously researched "Stolen Valor" by Burkhart? best, r. l.
R. L. Sohn
Minneapolis , MN USA - Wednesday, October 06, 2004 at 15:37:39 (EDT)
Thank You for the site, I found it by chance. I wish I would have found this earlier. It could have helped me not lose the Woman I Love. I returned from 12 months in combat Iraq, with a combined time of 14 months deployed away from home. My unit supported an SF Unit and then an Airborne Unit. Yes we were part of the invasion force. We did not have any briefings or support groups for us as reservists on PTSD upon out-psrocessing at Ft Bragg!. Nor were our wives or girlfriends or families given briefings to this possible problem! Now my fiends are on meds for depression and to fall sleep at night. Hopefully your information will help pick up the pieces and start Living again.
Dave
Phila, PA USA - Wednesday, October 06, 2004 at 04:20:52 (EDT)
Stumbled onto this website by accident, looking for help and support.....been dating a man for the past 5 months that suffers from PTSD.....Want to make things work with him but it is very hard.....any suggestions on how I can help him and our relationship. From other comments I've read, it seems I need to get the book, "Recovering From the War". HELP!!!!
Denise
Asheboro, NC USA - Wednesday, September 29, 2004 at 18:47:19 (EDT)
Patience, the site is fantastic. Thank you for all the work you do to help others. It's truly inspiring. Best wishes, Joyce, Gift From Within
Joyce
USA - Wednesday, September 29, 2004 at 15:40:22 (EDT)
I found this site while looking for articles relating to psychology for a class. I ended up crying and realizing I have been going through this for years, reading about other survivors and what they went through made me realize I'm not "over it" and it can't just go away without help. Thank you for helping me see it's not too late to get help.
Diana, Rape survivor
Whittier, CA USA - Tuesday, September 14, 2004 at 15:37:06 (EDT)
Even though I am a psychotherapist,know a great deal about PTSD and have helped many others with it, I still have days when my triggers make it very difficult for me. The biggest comfort I have is being in touch with other folks "getting through it" one step at a time. I've been researching the internet for hours now and understand that I was guided to your web site. You are all members of our special family walking silently together, giving strenth and support to each other and it is an enormous comfort to me to know that. Thank you Patience for your brilliant insights, understanding, generosity and gift for writing.
Bonnie Kuehns
New York, NY USA - Saturday, September 11, 2004 at 16:36:42 (EDT)
Less than a month til I finally get to meet you, Patience. We are so excited that you are coming to speak in Springdale, Ar. I urge any readers in the Ark/Okla/Missouri area to come and hear Patience on Oct 5th!
LinG
Marble Falls, Ar USA - Wednesday, September 08, 2004 at 18:52:41 (EDT)
I'm new to ptsd...my boyfriend of 1 year was in the Central America drug wars and Iraq the first time around. I happened on Patience's Gazette by accident and already recognized symptoms in myself. Thank you for being here.
Jackie
Kingston, WA USA - Friday, August 27, 2004 at 17:31:29 (EDT)
Kudos to Cait--it was very warm and refreshing to see the LOVE a daughter has for her father--she protected him like a lioness protects her cubs-against any and all threats regardless of any and all reprecussions.I am sure that Patience has seen and felt more negative reactions since she began her PTSD crusade and that she is more than capable of handling herself in most situations. I am surprised by the reply to caits comments by Sgt. Black and Donna. He seems to not know what true Love is because he never really experienced it -either from his Marine Corps buddies or from family. Donna seems to have problems with people because she seems so nasty and in to herself. Both seem to have major issues which are unresolved and both should seek professional help.--God Bless you Cait for being such a caring daughter--and remember Corps is spelled with an "S".
John P.
Brunswick, Ga USA - Wednesday, August 25, 2004 at 10:51:39 (EDT)
FINALLY!!!!! There are others out there living with spouse w/PTSD. Such a relief!I've been at my wits end!!!! Now I can access the help for me and my spouse's 6 children to heal.
Shannon
FIFE, WA USA - Monday, August 23, 2004 at 13:00:26 (EDT)lUSA
Cait, I am one of the people that is responsible for having Patience give our banquet dinner speach. We had a couple officers that said they would speak, only to cancel on us during the week before the reunion. We already had Patience on the schedule for an optional free afternoon speach. When our banquet speakers canceled, our organizations president asked me to see if Patience would talk during the banquet. Due to her unselfish manner of helping veterans, she accepted. She wanted to help us out by doing what we asked of her. Having read Patience's book over and over, I thought of the wonderful insights she could share with the families. She would be able to tell the men and the families that PTSD is a normal response to what they have been through, it is a survival response. It is not something to be ashamed of, as a lot of our veterans feel they are damaged if they admit to suffering from PTSD. Like Barb Piatt, my husband is also 100% disabled due to PTSD. There may have been others, that like your father, felt a nerve being hit when the subject of PTSD was brought up. However......I wonder if your father was still in the room when Patience received a standing ovation after her speach. I wonder if your father was around when veterans and families went up to Patience and hugged her and thanked her for all that she has done to help them and their families. Patience did us a huge favor by attending our reunion. I really commend her for sticking to her acceptance of our request that she attend. Patience just lost her mother a few weeks before our reunion. She was traveling between Florida and Maine. It would have been much easier for her to attend to her business at hand, rather than stick to her commitment to us. That shows the dedication she has to help others. Lastly....it's wonderful that you care so much for your father, and you take what you feel is appropriate action to be helpful. He needs your love and understanding, it's great that you are there to give that to him. Kris Fabian
Kris Fabian
V.B., VA USA - Saturday, August 21, 2004 at 16:35:13 (EDT)
For all of those who have responded to my comments as upset as some of you got was the same feeling I had when I saw the look in my fathers eyes. To the people out there who felt I was ignorant I am sorry you feel this way, my father is not only a hero to our country he is also my personal hero. I love and respect everything about him. He did not ask me to write to Ms. Mason I did that myself. To Donna who wanted to know if there was issues with my mother, no there is not my parents have been married for 23 years and have shown me unconditional love from day one. Donna your comments of myself being an idiot only amuses me by displaying your ignorance. I appreciate Ms. Mason contacting me and explaining herself I understand my words come across as insulting and at the time when I wrote them that is how I intended them to be. I am happy for those people who Ms. Mason has helped. My father explained to me how many people were offended by what she was saying. I feel as if there is a time to help and council and I do not feel as if a reunion is that place regardless of who invited Ms. Mason.
Cait Crew
USA - Saturday, August 21, 2004 at 08:49:48 (EDT)
As one who was present at the 1/9 Reunion under discussion, I'd just like to confirm that what Patience has said here about having been invited by the membership of the 1/9 Network to speak at this Reunion is entirely correct. I attended her talk during the afternoon and it was excellent! Although I missed hearing her speak at the conclusion of the Banquet, if her giving a talk there was inappropriate then this should be laid at the feet of those who organized the function. Blame should not be placed on Patience for responding to what she was asked to do. The 1/9 Marines were of course not the only unit that saw heavy combat in Vietnam, but they are among the units that did see the worst in terms of ground combat. As losses go, their unit has the highest number of casualties (about 600) listed on the Wall, according to one source recently. Although not all of the surviving 1/9ers have PTSD, many of them do. I know. I am married to one, and I have spent countless hours at reunions over the last several years, listening to these fine men discuss with one another the things they cannot otherwise talk about. It is a privilege to know them. And it is in large part due to Patience and her book that I am able to listen with a degree of understanding. Her book was the first resource I found some years back, and it has been helpful beyond measure to me and my husband. It was a great pleasure to meet her in person at this reunion, and I hope that the unpleasantness that occurred will not deter her from her very sincere and knowledgeable efforts.
Barb Piatt
Youngsville, NC USA - Thursday, August 19, 2004 at 02:36:19 (EDT)
"Can't please all the people all the time"... One would think there are bound to be occasional discomforts with Patience's words. Our deepest denials and fears are often found in our longest, loudest arguments. Dear Ms. Crews, you obviously love your father, please accept these circumstances as an opportunity to become educated about PTSD. Lucky guy, he already has a strong ally in you! The worst that can happen is a better understanding of your father. I wish your father well in what could be the beginning of a new journey. Patience...the legacy of hope and understanding both your mother and you have been called upon to give is no less than Divine. Thanks for sharing your mission the way you do. Much love, Mitzi
Mitzi
AZ USA - Thursday, August 19, 2004 at 01:41:09 (EDT)
Wow! I didn't know Caitlin had posted her note on my website. She must have been really upset. Thanks to all the people who defended me. It means a lot. Here is what I emailed her back:
Dear Caitlin,
I am so sorry that my speech offended your father. I was invited, actually, by the whole membership. Originally the organizers had mentioned that I was available but they couldn't afford for me to come. Within 4 days, members had sent in enough donations to have me come. I was really moved by that since Marines have a special place in my heart, particularly 1/9, The Walking Dead, who are some of my heroes. Many men came up to me afterwards and thanked me for my talk and for coming and caring. It is always a difficult thing to talk about something so painful and difficult to live with without offending anyone. Please extend my apologies to your father. I was doing my best to put PTSD in the context of a normal reaction to war, proof of survival, proof that you care, instead of a weakness to be hidden. I will always regret that he was offended by my talk, but I can't give up trying to let people know that it is normal to be affected by war and that the reactions that help you survive can become your biggest problem later.
Sincerely yours
Patience Mason
Patience Mason
High Springs, FL USA - Wednesday, August 18, 2004 at 22:43:39 (EDT)
Ms.Cait ~ It saddened me to read your scathing remarks to Patience Mason for several reasons. The first being that your father obviously has some issues to resolve or her speach would not have had such a negative affect on him. So many suffering from PTSD are in denial and get very aggitated when they feel "approached" personally. I love all our vets and have the utmost respect for their sacrifices for our coutry. I pray that you will revisit your attitude and read between the lines and recognize an unspoken request from your father to see something that he himself can't name. That you would say that there is a time and place for everything..... that gathering was the perfect place for such a speech.... where retired Marines could have an opportunity learn about and recognize the symtoms of PTSD in those they care about as "Brothers bound by Honor" if not in themselves. The main problem I am seeing here is that not near enough "correct" information goes out on the subject to inform the public and there still exists a "negative" stigma attachment to this disorder.... otherwise, neither your father or you would have reacted in a strong negative way. I have got to say also that Mrs.Mason has changed my life for the better as she has for countless families around the world that are willing to reach out for help. She is totally selfless and giving in this life-task. Finally.... I don't believe anyone (including the organizers of the event) owes you an apology at all. I can't help but wonder if you also have anger issues of your own that need to be resolved. I will include you and your father in my prayers....hoping someday you will embrace the truth in Patience's honest and caring message.
Lbertodale
Springdale, AR USA - Wednesday, August 18, 2004 at 14:10:53 (EDT)
In response to Cait Crew: Neither you nor I were there to actually hear Patience speak so neither of us is in a position to criticize or defend. You say your father was very upset about the negative effects of her words on him. I checked the 1/9 Marine site and they only mention one person complaining about the speech! Perhaps your father has unresolved issues that Patience brought forth -- most vets do. The individuals who were present, both the vets and their spouses (who were probably sitting there saying Thank you, God --someone understands!!) will hopefully take her words to heart and DO something about their PTSD issues. The 1/9 Marines' website make it very clear that Patience was actually invited to give a speech at an optional event in the afternoon but the keynote speaker was unable to attend and Patience was gracious enough to step in to help out. I would agree that the subject of PTSD is not the best one for the wrap-up banquet on Saturday night but that is the fault of the organizers. They scheduled her in the afternoon for a reason -- so that the attendees were only those who were interested in and open to the subject. The organizers should have know better than to request a speech on PTSD for the main event. As a loving daughter, you are hurt that your father has been upset but direct your anger at the organizers of the event. Patience simply gave the speech she was invited to give. This is her expertise. She is not a "so-called expert" -- her work is credited and honored by virtually everyone in the field and you will find her name in the bibliography of hundreds of books about PTSD. She is one of THE experts. I am dismayed to see people posting unkind comments about you here. That is as inappropriate as the organizers were to put Patience in that position. The real damage was done to Patience - her reputation for helping many thousands of wives who live with vets suffering from PTSD has been unfairly stained. Patience Mason is one of the few people who work to help the women who love these vets, the relatively few men who are lucky enough to have a woman in their life. Direct your anger appropriately. Don't kill the messenger.
Lydia Brewer
Tucson, AZ USA - Wednesday, August 18, 2004 at 12:59:04 (EDT)
Hello Ms. Crew, I'm sorry you and your father were hurt by Patience's speech on ptsd.I know that was not her intention when she was invited to speak about it at the reunion. I hope it does your heart good to know that your words here were equally as hurtful? I do hope you will read her book one day and learn the answers to acceptance, love and compassion that she has to share. I know it will help you heal from the anger and resentment of ptsd that you seem to have misplaced on a woman that has done nothing but help millions of veterans and their loved ones. Myself and my family included. Patience has, on more than one occasion, reached out and shared her expertise to save me and my marriage to an angry ptsd veteran. And all I did was ask her. Never have I met an angel so willing and able to extend her hand to a stranger. I know Patience will rise above your criticism. It will not prevent her from continuing on her mission in this life to help all those that suffer from ptsd. I know this because she is an educated woman. I know this because she does the foot work every day of her life. (keep that glass globe handy my dearest Patience) I do hope Ms. Crew, that someday you too find the strength and courage it takes to do the foot work yourself. Love and compassion heal. I wish you luck on your journey toward healing. You may be right, there is a time and a place for every thing. Chris Woolnough, a grateful vet wife coping with ptsd too in the aftermath of war.
Chris
USA - Wednesday, August 18, 2004 at 04:23:22 (EDT)
Ms Crew... I am really sorry your father had a bad experience and I bet Patience is too. As much as I know of Patience, there is one thing I would not doubt at all and that is her deep compassion for vets. My husband is a combat vet and I have known hundreds of other women whose husbands are vets as well. These men share so much in common but also can have very different ideas. So maybe you should know that...some think the world of Patience and what she has to say. Many, many more than you seem to realize. But again...I am sorry he had a bad experience.
Karen
Mora, MN USA - Wednesday, August 18, 2004 at 00:34:31 (EDT)
Dear Ms. Crew, Neither You or your Dad have a right to talk about what Marines may think. I too served in the same area your Dad served ,in Northern I Corps. My PTSD group is made up of 6 other Marines who served in the same area from Khe Sahn, Gio Lin, Cam Lo and all along the DMZ. 9th Marines were not the only unit in the war. The area of operations was covered by 4th Marines, 3rd Marines, 26th Maines, Third Tanks ect. Maybe Patience Mason's speech hit to close to home.Your post on a guestbook displays a graet degree of ignorance, and lack of compassion for those who come here for help.You can easily reach Patience via E mail and dialoge with her directly about " YOUR PROBLEM". Patience is a well known and respected author and speaker. Her Mother worked at the VA in Boston as a Psychiatrist for 38 years helping Veterans from three wars. The cruelity of your post is beyond my understanding except to say you may have a major deficiency in brain matter. To your Dad I say Welcome Home and Sempi Fi, and I wish he had taught you some manners. Patience Mason was instumental in saving my marraige and my life along with thousands of others. The next time you post an opinion, get educated so your ignorance isn't so readily noticed. Charlie Black Sgt USMC 1965 -1974 Survivor 68 TET Offensive webmaster.brothersboundbyhonor.com (veterans Topsites)
Charlie Black
Boynton Beach, Fl USA - Tuesday, August 17, 2004 at 20:40:58 (EDT)
Dr. Ms Crew....no...make that Cait, because you do not deserve the respect.....you give none! Now...with that said...I would like for you to tell your father "Welcome Home" for me. Next I would like you to know that I am not going to spend my little bit of cyber space defending a great lady...Patience Mason.....as I see many others are trying to thump into your thick skull that you have no clue what you are talking about. I see this problem as one between your father,...our hero, a marine and you who do not understand a damn thing about PTSD. Here you are running off at the lips through your fingertips. Speaking words that one day you will have to eat and I hope you get a great case of indigestion digesting them along with the runs, because most people have to take Ex-Lax to acheive what you have just done well with your words. Your message to Patience only proves that there are still many closed minded wackos like you out there who think they know...but who have no idea about PTSD. It is apparent that your father suffers from this disorder because the "denial" is the one thing that has reeked havoc on many lives over the years. Of course...you may already know this and for selfish reasons may not want your father to get better? If he did.....he may regain control back over his own life and you could not speak out for him. Besides....I have never known a TRUE Marine who would step back and let an idiot speak for him. Just don't happen! I feel sorry for you....obviously you have issues you need to seek help for. AS far as Patience....we all know what a great woman she is and that she has devoted most of her life to help those who have lived in hell long enough. So back off and suck it up!!! For those of you who have responded in defense of Patience....O-o-o-R-a-H!!! We know what she has given to our vets...our families...and Patience...we love you...you have saved many of us. As for those who have not responded to Cait's message....I hope that you are here in search of help...because Patience can and will change your lives. You are not alone....PTSD is real and it is among us. But...as hard as it is....it can be worked on positively if the vet and his family really understand what they are dealing with. Only 4 years ago I found the reason 13 years of my life was filled with unhappiness, grief and a helluva lot of heartache. Patience has turned that around for me and I can speak for over 100 ladies who have joined together for support, that she has also saved their lives and relationships. By the way "Can't"...oops....I...uh...mean "Cait"... you did not speak of your mother? Is there a story there? Now...young lady....SHUT UP....and go to your room and stay until I tell you to come out!!!
Donna
Tonopah, AZ USA - Tuesday, August 17, 2004 at 19:44:02 (EDT)
Well looky looky....First off I want to say that Patience and her husband have helped way more people than they even realize...so if there is 1or2 (which i doubt) disappointed people then I say the Mason's have done one hell of a job! No she anit no God but a simple woman over coming issues just like the rest of us..but willing to pass on what she does know for us to take or leave.. As far as was she invited?? come on did you really think a woman of her standard needs to Crash events?? With all do respect to your Dad maybe he focused on the negitive but because it hit a nerve...sometimes the truth hurts and we lash when it hurts.. So ya might want to take that into consideration before Lashing out on Mrs Mason... As far as last invite I highly doubt it.. Thats a Southern thang Lildog
Lildog
Southern, Ga USA - Tuesday, August 17, 2004 at 18:12:25 (EDT)
Dear Miss Crew, I was very bothered by your post regarding Patience Mason. I feel that such a hostile comment can only come from one of two things ignorance and denial. If you took a moment to read Ms. Masons publications, you would quickly see that she in an angel to those who deal with post-traumatic stress. She has helped countless victims of all ages deal with the trauma that combat causes. There are a handful of people in this world that saved my fiancé and me, and Patience is at the top of the list. My fiancé is an Army Ranger Captain who is currently serving in Iraq. Patience is not only a God send to those of your fathers generation, but also to those who are actively serving our country. Perhaps your father was offended by Ms. Masons speech because he himself is in denial. Speaking from experience, the truth is sometimes hard to face and pushing it away is a temporary fix for some people. My heartfelt suggestion to you is that if you are such a good advocate for your father, maybe you should read Recovering from the War, and see if maybe your father is really reaching out for your help. You sound like a daughter who truly cares for her Dad, so maybe he is trying to tell you something that he could never come out and say to you. Whatever comes of your research, at least knowledge is always better than ignorance. Best of luck to your and your family.
tinylion
USA - Tuesday, August 17, 2004 at 15:10:59 (EDT)
Miss Crew... I'm so sorry you feel this way but I think your comments would have been better directed to the oganisers of the event, not to Mrs Mason. Her work has been instrumental in helping so very many veterans and their wives, including me and my Marine Corps veteran. She has devoted her life to helping vets and their families learn to cope with PTSD. My hope is that she will be invited to speak more than she does already so that the new vets coming back from Iraq and Afghanistan don't face the same lack of understanding that kept so many Vietnam Vets from getting help for too many years. She writes and speaks about PTSD in a way people can relate to, not clinical jargon. Her book is based on personal experience and backed by a thorough understanding of the clinical aspects of PTSD. The therapists who treat my husband for PTSD have all recommeneded her book to me and to others, as a good way to begin to understand this disorder. If your father was so upset by her talk, I'd guess it may have hit too close to home for him. I suggest you read her book yourself and see what might have upset him. I'd also like to point out to you that Mrs Mason was INVITED to speak at this function. She does these talks as a way to promote knowledge and understanding, not as a way to sell her books, although they are made available as a courtesy to those who want to learn more. On a personal note, I again must thank Patience for saving my marriage and perhaps my veteran's life! Because of her book, we sought out the help he desperately needed and both of us finally understood that PTSD is a NORMAL result of having beeen in abnormal circumstances that changed his life forever.
LinG
Marble Falls , Ar USA - Tuesday, August 17, 2004 at 11:26:10 (EDT)
Woah Miss Crew, I'm sorry your father didn't enjoy Mrs. Mason's speech. I feel you have been unfair in your accusations towards Mrs.Mason. First of all, you heard this second hand and secondly, it's obvious you or your father have never read her book. Yes she was "invited" to speak there to do what she does best. Perhaps you are venting to the "wrong" person?! Mrs. Mason tells it like it is. If your father was uncomfortable listening to Mrs. Mason's speech or anyone else, it could be that they DON'T understand the disorder fully or are in deep denial. The truth hurts. I am the wife of a Marine Veteran with the 11th Engineers, 3rd Marine Division who also suffers from PTSD. Please do not speak for ALL Marines as this is your opinion after something you Heard second hand. Mrs. Mason has lived with PTSD in her home for over 30 years, I live with it as thousands of others do as well. EDUCATION is the key to disolving Ignorance. I would suggest you get educated.
Tetvetswife
Fla USA - Tuesday, August 17, 2004 at 10:48:19 (EDT)
Ms. Mason, My name is Cait Crew and I am the daughter of Sergeant John F. Crew II who was with First Battalion Ninth Marines in the Vietnam War. Every year my father looks forward to his Marine Corp Reunion. The reunion for these men and women is a time to celebrate and remember a time in which they fought hard for their country. The speech you gave ruined this time not only for my father but for a lot of other men and women. When he stopped to see me on his way home he continually highlighted the negative effect your speech caused. I have never seen the look of anger in my fathers eyes then when he spoke of the speech you gave at their final banquet. These Marines are very aware of the problems that they have associated with post traumatic stress disorder, but there is also a time and place to discuss this. I am not sure who invited you to speak at their banquet but I am sure it will be the last invitation you will ever receive from a Marine. I am sure, after the reaction you received, you will think more carefully of when and where you try to advertise your book and your so called specialization of post traumatic stress disorder. Sincerely, Caitlin Crew
Cait Crew
NC USA - Monday, August 16, 2004 at 13:56:44 (EDT)
Served in Vietnam, 7/67 - 8/68, as Field Morale Worker with Red Cross with Marines/Army/Air Force/ Navy plus we saw the Aussies and Kiwis at Nui Dat. Thank you again for all that you have done and are still doing for our guys and the women who served and their families. You helped me see myself as worth fighting for during my divorce. You helped me stay alive... turned out there was a reason. I came to Lexington Community College as a temporary worker filling in as Coordinator of Student Employment Services. Almost four months later, I accepted the job on a permanent basis... Heck, I'd had over forty jobs since I came home from Nam so I definitely knew how NOT to do it. I figured if I turned it around, I could help our students learn how to do it right! It worked. Thank you for everything. I now refer my students to your website for help... most of all for those who served in Nam/Afghanistan/Bosnia/Iraq and their families. You have a whole new generation who need your wisdom and practical help now. Sorry to take up so much room, but I owe you a debt that I am trying to pay by helping our students know that they are worthwhile people who CAN do whatever they set their minds to do. Hope to see you in DC or if you're ever in or near Lexington.
Kammy McCleery
Lexington, KY USA - Tuesday, August 03, 2004 at 09:03:38 (EDT)
I thank God for you. I am a new bride, of two months, to a vet that suffers from PTSD. Your book Recovering from the War was recommended by a social worker. I am hoping with treatment on his part and learning on my part we might be able to save the marriage. The little reading I have done from your site gives me hope. Thank you so much and God Bless
Barbara A. Duca
Rochester, In USA - Saturday, July 10, 2004 at 16:26:00 (EDT)
Vietnam. 66-67 25th Inf. Mech. Base Camp Dau Tieng.
Ron Akins
Oregon City, OR USA - Sunday, June 27, 2004 at 01:47:29 (EDT)
MAJOR DEPRESSION /PTSD SERVED IN THE US MARINES DURNING VIETNAM.
CPL. FREDDIE L. HEARD SR
San Jose, CA USA - Monday, June 14, 2004 at 13:05:18 (EDT)
Thank you for providing this website. I wish I'd seen it years ago when my parents sent me a newspaper section talking up FMS. Any excuse in a storm, I guess. Sometimes I think (again) that it takes too long to get well, then my therapist and my pastor both express their patience to encourage mine. Thank you for putting into words what the world needs to hear and believe. Ellie
Lincoln, NB USA - Wednesday, June 09, 2004 at 19:05:34 (EDT)
A fascinating read, keep up the good work.
- Tuesday, June 15, 2004 at 09:39:30 (EDT)
Patience, Thanks for your help. With your recommendations on what books to read I have made good progress. I've just enjoyed a family reunion and my cousins beautiful childen, and told my parents I loved them and felt it, which would have been impossible a year ago. You are doing a great service. Thank you.
Bill, PINE BLUFF, AR. USA - Saturday, June 19, 2004 at 15:10:57 (EDT)
Dear Patience, I stumbled in here doing "research" on "divorced/widows" and Veterans with PTSD. I am Thankful I did, because now I feel a need to read your book. Mine case seems a little strange .... I was married to a Vietnam Veteran who was awarded a Purple Heart w/1*. Soon after his release from The Phila. Naval Hospital in 1971, we married. We were both childhood friends, and loved each other. In 1972 our daughter was born. My husband would go thru spells of heavy drinking, and his personality started to change. He could get Very "Ugly" when drinking, and liked to smack me. I tried to hide things from my family and cover up bruises. In 1976 our son was born. When he was 10 months old, I was home alone watching TV, when my husband walked in the door Drunk. I could tell that something Bad was wrong!! He was yelling at me in Vietnamese, with total Rage and punching the walls. I got a broken arm and more bruses and black-eyes. We seperated and he stopped drinking, and went to "counciling". Things like this went on for 29 years. Believe it or not, my Kids loved their Dad, and so did I. We didn't know what PTSD was. We just blamed a lot of his problems on the War. Years later, after reading and hearing things from veterans I realised that was what we were seeing. The kids were Grown, and life became Hell. I was not Allowed to get a job(unless helping him repair autos, do body work), or go back to School.I was not allowed to have my own money (had to ask for it, so he knew where it was going)The drinking never stopped, and I tried to get him to go for Help. He refused! I tried to get veterans that had PTSD to come to the house to talk to him, but he would never agree to sign Up. He flipped out again one night, and I ended up in the emergency room. The Judge ordered him to attend a class A.C.T. (Abuse Ceases Today). That was a Joke .... anyway I filed for a Divorce. I thought if ANything would make him want to get Help, the threat of divorce might. I lived with my Mother for a while, then my Son. He found a girlfriend that drank too, and lived togeather for about 6 months. During this time the divorce went thru on the grounds of "Extreme Crulity." Two months later, we found out he had a malignant brain tumor, and he was getting Really Sick really Fast. The "girlfriend" kicked him out of her house when things started getting rough.I work as a Certified Home Health Aid, and had cared for Hospice patients. I moved him into the downstairs where I was living (with my son), and cared for him until he passed in my livingroom with his Mother,Children and Myself there with him. I am thankful that we all had the time to "Air" things!! There is such mixed emotions, but I think I can see my kids getting a little stronger. One thing that I can Not seem to understand is the Laws about Divorced Widows and the V.A. Once you have it on paper, they kick you to the Curb. IRS Doesn't!!
Brenda
Vineland, NJ USA - Wednesday, May 05, 2004 at 12:02:02 (EDT)
Hi Patience..It was so nice seeing you again today in Melbourne. We had a wonderful day, yes we made it to the wall progress yes. Thank you for all that you do for us wives and family members and for our Vets. You are truely loved and appreciated my friend. Love & Hugs, Ter Women Of War Veterans~Overcoming PTSD
Terri
Boynton Beach, FL USA - Sunday, April 25, 2004 at 20:33:23 (EDT)
Thanks, Chris, for the poem. You really made my day. I hope every one else finds as much help as you have. Patience
Patience Mason
High Springs, FL USA - Wednesday, April 21, 2004 at 10:23:38 (EDT)
Hi Patience, I added this verse I forgot to include in the original draft. There's a finished copy posted at the Aftermath of war site.I hope you know how much I love you my dear friend! She led others by example, Shared advice on how to live, She showed me the path to take, While learning to forgive.
Chris Woolnough
USA - Monday, April 19, 2004 at 10:27:11 (EDT)
Patience in my life She's the pioneer of combat trauma, A wounded veterans wife, I'd like to share with you, How she brought patience to my life. Her kind and gentle spirit, Taught my heart to understand, How my sweet and loving soldier, Is still under the wars command. She was the first to teach me, That love and compassion heal, And though it may be painful, We must face the things we feel. She opened up my eyes and heart, Where I could love again, To stop seeing him as the enemy, But to embrace him as my friend. She shared a glimpse into the fear, That haunts my wounded vet, She reached out and touched my soul, And I never will forget. She taught me about acceptance, How to live the serenity prayer. She reminded me how to practice, The art of being aware. How can I ever thank you, For the friendship that you gave? How do I share the gratitude, For the marriage you helped save? You taught me how to detach with love, To turn around and work on me, Oh my dearest Patience Mason, It was you that set me free. With all my love and gratitude, Chris Woolnough
Chris Woolnough
USA - Monday, April 19, 2004 at 08:11:09 (EDT)
The leader of my support group shared your website with us today and I decided I would look it up. WOW! Where have you been all my life. I haven't read your book yet but I was told about it when I first began this journey of secondary ptsd and then promptly forgot it. Now I have no excuse, I will buy it no doubt about it. We are all struggling daily and now we know there is light at the end of the tunnel. Thankyou for being there and giving us all hope.
Beverly
Tucson, Az USA - Tuesday, April 13, 2004 at 02:36:51 (EDT)
This litany of diagnoses Is common among people with PTSD who are not diagnosed with it. I am glad you are willing to get help. You have to email me if you want more of a reply instead of posting on the guest book. The address is spelled out above.
Patience Mason
High Springs, FL USA - Thursday, April 08, 2004 at 10:57:58 (EDT)
I have been diagnosed with partial of each of the following diseases: bipolar/manic depression, schizophrena, PMDD, borderline personalitys, Panic/Anexity disorder, nightmare disorder, ocd (mostly school work, and my men). I have to give a presentation at my college class April 29th. I was just wanting to tell them i have these disorders but it sorda affects my life but i am not ashamed to get help and neither should you, but that don't sound right so could u help me
Susan Renae Jessop
Centerville, IA USA - Tuesday, April 06, 2004 at 15:15:20 (EDT)
Hello Patience, I had no idea Bob was suffering from PTSD, which helps explain why he hasn't responded to my emails. [I sent you $25. back in '82 or 83 (?) when Bob was in the slammer.] I've written a book and am seeking advice on publishers. (I have been published in three magazines.) I am about to sign a contract for an agent, would be nice to be able to talk to either of you. I bought Chickenhawk and Solo, both were splendidly written, the movie "Solo" was even quite good. I hope you are both well. Dorcey
Dorcey Wingo
Rialto, CA USA - Thursday, March 18, 2004 at 12:41:22 (EST)
I dont know what to do .. I was told by the VA that i had Maj daperision disorder but i got tyerd of being dopped up all the time so I whent to an out side DR. and they tell me i have PTSD with no dout and the SSA is looking in to it to and will most likely give it to me they say so fare . . what do i do with the VA . PLZ help. Vetman email vetman_2003@hotmail.com
Vetman
Akron, OH USA - Monday, March 08, 2004 at 23:40:58 (EST)
Thankls for the great info!
Sofia, Bulgaria - Monday, March 08, 2004 at 22:32:16 (EST)
I read a copy of your PTSD Gazette a few years ago at the Lexington V.A. Hospital. I refound your .com and I was filled w/ emotion when I read you saying that having PTSD did not mean we were weak, etc. etc.That is what is thought mostly here, but most not been to military, much less combat ABN Inf. I did not be sent to Nam but in 76 in 1/38th Inf. was in Suicide Bn. For "Operation Paul Bunyan". out in 80 & about 17 years later won my war w/ V.A. for 100% s/c PTSD. I will tell all to NEVER give up fighting V.A. for what is rightfully yours.That is what ___"they "want you to do. OPB was in Korea, by the way. Sorry,I get ahead of myself at times. All The Way, M'aam.
Bobby Garner Sr.
Berea, Ky USA - Friday, March 05, 2004 at 11:42:17 (EST)
Hi Patience, I read your book when I lived in Suwannee County and wondered if you were still in the area. (Actually, my comment when I read it was "Hey! She wrote my book! Because I had been thinking for years that SOMEBODY needed to write a book for the wives of Nam vets!) I have one of those vets who didn't "have a problem," that is until two weeks ago when the superintendent of his job fell from a bridge onto the rocks below and died with his head in my husband's hands. Needless to say, everything has come rushing back, but thankfully, he now admits he can no longer do this by himself and needs help. Fortunately, we have been led to a counselor at the Vet Center in Jacksonville, who I believe is going to be most helpful. How I have wished you had been around back in the 80's when things were SO difficult--you know--back when support groups for wives didn't exist. I can't thank you enough for all the work you have done and encouragement you have given to those of us I termed years ago the "forgotten warriers," because I knew all too well that the wives were every bit as messed up as the vets were! May God Bless you and Bob always. Dorothy
Dorothy Fraley
Jacksonville, FL USA - Friday, March 05, 2004 at 01:45:43 (EST)
Hi Patience, I HATE SPAM! But I love you dear lady!!! Thank you for sharing your wisdom and support. Big hugs and all my love, Chris
Chris
USA - Saturday, February 28, 2004 at 06:29:12 (EST)
nice to know u are not suffering alone in life and listening to other peoples problems gives you the strengh to carry on
v thankful
london, uk USA - Wednesday, February 25, 2004 at 14:06:13 (EST))
I wanted to tell you, that I do like your website. Please continue. Thank you.
for security reason I will not give my name.
Alaska, ca - Thursday, February 12, 2004 at 17:24:58 (EST)
Planning to meet incoming 82nd Airborne soldiers next week.... So am reading up on PTSD. Thanks Patience - I read your book years ago - My husband is a Vietnam Vet (LRRP) who always sits with his back to the wall in restaurants and swears he doesn't have PTSD.
Mt Hood Gal
Mt Hood, OR USA - Sunday, February 01, 2004 at 01:23:49 (EST)
I am a former police officer who while in the middle of much personal turmoil, was involved in a shooting. My department turned its back on me, and I was branded as a screw up. I eventually left the police department to become a Pittsburgh Firefighter. I worked through the PTSD with no help from any psychologist etc. I only know about it because I was protesting a suspension from my police department, and they sent me for an evaluation. As a person who had to work through PTSD alone, I want to commend you and offer what assistance I can to make others more aware of the issues of PTSD. I also want to offer encouragement to those suffering as they read this. As I worked through the problems, I became stronger, to the point that I was able to work for four days at the site of the World Trade Center from September 12-15 2001 and did not suffer a relapse.
Daniel Elias
Pittsburgh, PA USA - Sunday, January 25, 2004 at 10:36:00 (EST)
Hi - I came accross your web site just looking for additional ways to work on my recovery. I am using an alias right now because of pending legal action, but I just wanted to let others know the varied conditions that can create situations for Post Traumatic Stress to develop. Prior to my diagnosis, I was a very happy, enthusiastic, enegetic teacher. When I began teaching students who were physically abusive to me and my staff in a new special educations program, I had no idea I would end up with a serious diagnosis a few years later. Not much was done to stop the physical attacks, and staff members continued to get hurt. Little by little, my whole personality began to change in response. I ended up with all the symptoms, which finally were recognized by both medical doctors, psychologists, and psychiatrists. I have been off work now for 3 months, and am starting to feel a little better, but I know I am not fully recovered. I'm not sure what my professional future holds, but I don't think I will be able to return to teaching Special Education. I'm lucky to have a good support group at home and among friends. Right now one of my biggest concerns is my financial status. I thank God that I am recovering, however, and my heart goes out to those trauma survivors whose situations were so much more extreme than mine. The best advice is one day at a time, and celebrate each small victory. I am very grateful for all the good things in my life, and that seems to help also. I haven't read your books, but will probably do so in the near future. Best wishes to others with PTSD for a full and successful recovery.
Mary
USA - Wednesday, January 14, 2004 at 13:42:26 (EST)
I am a Zimbabwean Police Officer, serving in Kosovo under the United Nations Peacekeeping Force. I would like to thank the United Nations for recognizing Zimbabwe's Police Force for its outstanding job in international duties. Greetings to my family; Paida, Muchineripi Jr. and my wife who are in Kwekwe, Zimbabwe as well my parents who are in Guruve, Zimbabwe and my brother Lloyd Mungadze who is in The United States. I am glad that I am representing Zimbabwe here in Kosovo.
Muchineripi H. Mungadze
Zimbabwean in Kosovo - Thursday, December 25, 2003 at 17:25:47 (EST)
Patience & Bob..Have a Very Merry Christmas and a wonderful new year. Thanks for all you do. Love & Hugs
Sgtwife
Boynton Beach, FL USA - Wednesday, December 24, 2003 at 08:49:32 (EST)
GRAPHIC DETAILS God must have placed His Loving Fingers upon mine and typed these words. I was looking for a website other than yours, Patience. However, the search engine drew me to the listing of Big Spring, Texas....my hometown. I'm trying to locate high school classmates who may have suffered from asbestos exposure (Big Spring High was being rennovated during the years of 1966-1968). My classmates and I were exposed to massive amounts of asbestos dust as the walls were being torn out during our school semesters. Jesus, definitely had me click onto your site. I, too, suffered being raped by my Grandfather at the age of four and being beaten by my Father all my years of childhood. One very brutal beating, gashed open the leftside of my buttocks. Because I was not taken to the hospital...I have a very large gap where my muscle was destroyed. Fatty tissue doesn't bleed as other wounded areas on the body do, so, without stitches: I have lived with this gaping scar since the age of nine. I won't go into the trauma of my rape (I can't). I'm having difficulty explaining the trauma of the beating which left me scarred for life. In fact, I am now 54, and cannot sleep at night for more than two hours without waking up screaming in a drenching sweat. I live alone...afraid to leave my apartment unless I absolutely must. I cannot look into the eyes of a man...I always divert or look down when I see a man looking at me. Perhaps, as the days progress, I will be able to write more of what I am experiencing. And, perhaps, some of the horrors of what brought me to becoming withdrawn. At this moment I cannot share too much at once...I go into shock and cannot continue typing. A lady friend helped me understand God's tremendous Love, when she said, "All the pain you suffered, Jesus suffered with you. He is inside each and everyone of His Children". If I am never able to visit your web page again....I do pray that your readers will understand that Jesus never leaves them. Jesus remains with us always. He is aware of our suffering because He too experiences our sufferings. I wrote notes to Jesus after each of my beatings: "Jesus, help me. I love You." I folded the pieces of paper with my tiny hands, went into the bedroom closet and hid all my notes to Him deep into the toes of my many tattered shoes. Today and everyday I write notes of LOVE to Jesus in a journal I bought...."MY LOVE NOTES TO JESUS". He brought many miracles into my life: a 21 year marriage (I became pregnant twice after my first miscarriage), my Son is 30 yrs. of age, and my Daughter is 28 yrs. of age. They are both extremely intelligent and healthy! I prayed to Jesus for His Help while I was pregnant (this, after my Mom told me I would never be able to carry a child). I'm sure she knew what my body had suffered...for, She covered up for my Father and Grandfather. My only HOPE....my only HELP was turning to JESUS. His Guidance and LOVE remain with me, always!!!! He created each and everyone of us...His LOVE for us is UNCONDITIONAL and ETERNAL. He will be with us FOREVER even when our spouses leave us because their love has conditions which we can never meet. JESUS is with us through all our sorrows and our JOYS. HE is my JOY. Please, all of you take care of yourselves. I love You!!!!
Christine Baptista King
Colfax, CA USA - Wednesday, December 03, 2003 at 15:22:35 (EST)
GREAT SITE.
don mugu
london, USA - Wednesday, November 26, 2003 at 19:16:37 (EST)
My book, Recovering From the War, and many of the back issues of the Post-Traumatic Gazette (all availabe from this website in the bookstore or the freebies) can give you suggestions on how to talk to your vet. Many people find it difficult to hear about war and want vets to be "over it" or forget it or feel good about it. It is more helpful to simply listen and say, "That must have been so hard. I am sorry that happened to you. I am glad you made it." Family members are not therapists. If you can't listen it is okay to say that and say, "Dear, I'm not capable of listening to these stories and helping you. Please try to find someone who can." There are many good therapists out there in and out of the VA system. Vets need to develop a support network of other vets, professionals, and family members so they don't depend on just one person for their support. Wives also need to develop networks of support . The Aftermath of War group is one possibility. There is a link above. My best to you, Patience
Patience Mason
High Springs, FL USA - Wednesday, November 26, 2003 at 10:10:42 (EST)
i would like more info re:post tramatic stress syndrome, also would like to know how to talk to a vet about it, anything i can do and find out to help my husband,and as a wife, myself.
mrs robert a heiser
USA - Tuesday, November 25, 2003 at 13:58:08 (EST)
It's 5;24a.m. and I still haven't went to bed.Last night my husband had another flashback and slugged me across my stomach. I know he didn't do it on purpose, but it is getting worse. He has the papers to file Agent Orange and PTSD claims but keeps "forgetting" to do it. Our 22 yr.old son is temperarily disablied with all health issues pointing to Agent Orange.I knew he had been in Viet Nam when I married him 28 yrs. ago and I knew the Viets were treated so unfairly. I knew he had PTSD because I had it for a different reason.He refused counseling saying he would blow his head off first. I chose counseling for myself...SURVIVOR of 5 years of sexual abuse. Now I feel trapped, my son's having seizures, and my husband is getting worse.I may not have answers tonight from this site but I'm so glad it is available to come to...I know at least there is some hope down the road. GOD BLESS YOU PATIENCE!!!
karen
Providence, NC USA - Wednesday, October 22, 2003 at 05:36:46 (EDT)
Patience, you and your husband have helped so many people understand themselves and their loved ones. Reading your book is actually possible without feeling like I'm delving into medical textbooks that I'll never understand. I don't think we'll ever be able to thank you enough. I'm so glad to have found you and all my new sisters at AOW. You are all truly godsends in these trying times.
Angela
Mountain Home AFB, ID USA - Tuesday, October 21, 2003 at 01:00:56 (EDT)
Patience, I just wanted to thank you for all that you and your husband Bob do for our veterans and their families. It is an eye-opening experience after living with PTSD, to actually see it in black and white instead of just eye to eye. To find there is a reason for all that has gone wrong in our lives. To know and understand the hell our guys went through in combat is one way to learn how to acknowledge his ways, his actions and to work on coping and not to take it personally. It tells me that it is more then his PTSD...it is a big part of my life. Instead of using all my energy to fix him...it is "ME" I must work on first. Your book says so much to those who are just learning what they have lived with for over 30 years. PTSD relationships are most difficult and your book says so much to vets and their families. I am a manager of an online support group for wives, significant others, sons and daughters of vets and it is unbelievable the vast numbers of them who come to us to learn about their vets, about themselves...about PTSD. Your book is one of the first steps we encourage the member to take. It is indeed the PTSD Bible. You have taken and authored what would take us months, even years to try and explain to our members. You made it possible by writing your book "Recovering From War" for us to read,learn and understand as we work on things as we go. It shows each reader what they have lived and experienced over many, many years. What would we do without you Patience? I got the opportunity to meet with you and Bob just recently and was I ever overwhelmed. You both are so geniune. It was indeed a pleasure to make your aquaintance and I hope to see you again. Maybe one of your's and Bob's speaking engagements. For anyone who has come to Patience's site, whether you are a vet, family member, friend or just wanting to know more about how our vet's have and continue to pay the costs of our freedom....I encourage you to read all books the Mason's have written.
Donna
Phoenix, AZ USA - Monday, October 20, 2003 at 23:16:49 (EDT)
Thank you Patience for all the help and hope you have given to my and my "sisters" of AOW. You are a wonderful lady.
Reynee
USA - Monday, October 20, 2003 at 22:29:52 (EDT)
Dearest Patience, How do I thank thee? Let me count the ways. My husband and I were in therapy together before I read "Recovering From The War."Of course my focus was trying to fix or change him.Thank you for giving me the courage to fix or change myself. You are a remarkable woman who is leading people toward healing! How can I ever thank you for the day we shared together?It was one of the highlights of my life. Thank you for the valuable lesson you taught me that day:Healing is a process, not a destination.I'm looking foward to working on my perfectionism. But I would like to thank you most of all for helping me to allow myself to be human. To make mistakes, and to learn from them.I am filled with the deepest admiration and respect for you.Not only do you lead others to healing, but your hard work is a shining example that I will try to live by as well.Practice makes perfect right? or should I say practice makes Patience? I was in dire need of a dose of Patience too. Thank you for being there for me. Since the day we met,I've noticed those moments when my defenses were up. Now, the image of your gentle face pops into my head and reminds me to look deep within myself. Thanks to you, I've been touched by an angel!!!! All my love, Chris PS Please tell Bob that the first lines of Chickenhawk brought tears to my eyes. I've ONLY flown in my dreams, and it's been too long since I have. (But no one could see me either) Thank you both, for reacing out and touching our lives in such a profound way!!!!
Chris
USA - Monday, October 20, 2003 at 15:26:19 (EDT)
Hi Patience..I just wanted to tell you what a pleasure it was to meet with you and Bob last week. It was such an honor for all of us. Thank you, for all that you do for us women who live with the war that never ends in our homes. You are such a special woman with a huge heart for our Veterans and their families. I know my family has been touched greatly by your advice and wisdom. Like I told you before, your book "Recovering from the War", is the "Vetwives second bible", it's never outdated and rings true for just about every PTSD situation anyone can be in. You did indeed write the book you wished you had in the beginning of your PTSD journey and we are all greatful that you did. Thank You Thank You Thank You Love & Hugs, Terri aka Sgtwife
Terri
Boynton Beach, FL USA - Monday, October 20, 2003 at 14:11:37 (EDT)
Hi Patience, I just want to thank you again for opening the door to understanding for so many wives of PTSD vets. I've lost track of how many times I've read Recovering. No doubt I'll be referring back to it again before long! I need the reminder of the 3 C's every time something new comes up. Love ya, LinG
Lin G
Marble Falls, Ar USA - Sunday, October 19, 2003 at 22:13:39 (EDT)
I've just visited your site,and must say thank you. Being a "cohort graduate" of a program in St. Pete., my "HIGHER POWER" constantly amazes me. This world is realy smaller than we think. Hopefully I"ll see you on Mon in High Springs.
howard
Ft. White, Fl USA - Friday, October 17, 2003 at 05:59:55 (EDT)
I just want to leave a hello from Canada and say that I totally empathize with what you all are going through. I'm a 49 yr old woman living with chronic/complex ptsd from major traumas in my life experiences. You all know what that can do to a mind and a life. With information, understanding and support... and networking, we can all help each other, Maybe one day our efforts and healing will pay off in a better world for our kids. The response to traumatized people needs to be understood and changed so we can all heel better and faster... the social response canbe as destructive, if not more so, than the trauma itself... traumatizing the traumatized, for behaving like the traumatized person they are. I could go on and on... but I'll spare you all my mood and frustrations, and leave you with my hopes for a better way, and a better day, and of course... I'm with you all in mind and spirit. From the heart from a cool Canadian baby boomer :)
Civvie Empathizer Sufferer
Canada - Saturday, October 11, 2003 at 18:14:31 (EDT)
You guys are awesome and have been lifesavers for thousands of people. Thank you for all you do. Sorry people still use your guestbook for spam, all "IDIOTS" lol.....Take Care Love & Hugs, Terri~Sgtwife (AOW)
Terri aka Sgtwife
Boynton Beach, FL USA - Thursday, October 09, 2003 at 11:45:19 (EDT)
Dear Patience After reading your guest book, i leant i lot of relevent information for my counselling class, yes every one who has gone through traumatic experiences need help. this is instrumental in helping them come to terms with their situation. than you once more
Tozivepi Manyukwa
Longview, TX USA - Wednesday, September 24, 2003 at 11:12:44 (EDT)
Thank you for trying to make our life just a little easier considering the personal hells that we live with daily.
autumn
grand rapid , mi USA - Monday, September 15, 2003 at 11:07:54 (EDT)
Some time back I read your Gazette on PTSD & the Holidays. I then sorta understood why I feel the way I do on certain occasions. Just to know, I served in 76-77 on the DMZ in Korea & ''Operation Paul Bunyan w/ 1/38th INfantry as an F.O. No Nam. My wife of 30 years & I thank you from the bottom of our hearts. 2nd Inf.- 2nd To NONE
Bobby Garner
USA - Friday, September 05, 2003 at 18:03:30 (EDT)
Hello again Patience, Glad to see that you are still here for those of us who need you. I keep hoping that more of the wives will be exposed to your book. It was a life saver to me. Take care and keep up the good work. Malinda
Malinda Brown
Clarendon, Tx USA - Thursday, September 04, 2003 at 22:28:03 (EDT)
Excellent!! I realy appreciate your effort. Keep it up.
los fedos, ca usa - Thursday, September 04, 2003 at 00:51:39 (EDT)
Well, you really impress me. Its comforting and refreshing to know there are still people in this world that give a damn!
Iva
london, ln uk - Wednesday, September 03, 2003 at 14:50:00 (EDT)
Your site was part of the way back after a long, long time. Thank You. And Robert's "Chickenhawk."
heffernan
USA - Saturday, August 30, 2003 at 06:37:13 (EDT)
I came across this website quite by accident today but I'm so glad that I did! I read Patience's book Recovering from the War not long after it came out. This was at the suggestion of my late boyfriend Little Bear after he had read both Chickenhawk books by Robert. I have read both Chickenhawk books as well. The two of you don't know how much you have helped the two of us! Not only did Recovering help me understand myself better, it helped me understand what he was going through as well. Unfortunately, my relationship with Little Bear didn't last and we broke up in 1998. I learned this year that he passed on in 2000.
Claire
Tacoma, WA USA - Friday, August 29, 2003 at 19:52:48 (EDT)
Found your site whilst researching links for www.sarworld.com I am certain that the Search and Rescue professional who visit our site will find your articles on PTSD very interesting. kEEP UP THE GOOD WORK
Steve Griffin
Cornwall, UK - Wednesday, August 27, 2003 at 05:14:35 (EDT)
Thank you for providing this website. I wish I'd seen it years ago when my parents sent me a newspaper section talking up FMS. Any excuse in a storm, I guess. Sometimes I think (again) that it takes too long to get well, then my therapist and my pastor both express their patience to encourage mine. Thank you for putting into words what the world needs to hear and believe.
Ellie
USA - Monday, July 28, 2003 at 13:10:19 (EDT)
I HAVE OFTEN WONDERED WHAT HAPPENED TO PATIENCE AND ROBERT. CHICKENHAWK WAS AN EYE OPENER WITH A REAL IMPACT ON THE WAY I SEE BOTH LIFE LIFE AND CONFLICTS. I WAS PLEASED SEE MANY OTHERS HAVE ALSO HAD THE SAME REACTION.
GRAHAM WARDLAW
STIRLING, SCOTLAND - Friday, July 25, 2003 at 10:59:22 (EDT)
Patience and Bob: I want to celebrate with you the entry of Robert Linebaugh "back to the world". He has finally called the VEt Center in Austin, Tx, and will go in. He plans to file for PTSD, too. I cannot thank you enough, either of you for being who you are. Later, Sha Linebaugh page 365 RFTW
Sha Linebaugh
USA - Monday, July 07, 2003 at 14:00:50 (EDT)
Thanks so much for your site. I am a survivor of childhood abuse and rape in adulthood. After so many years of being numb and blaming myself, I completely lost it (Hallucinations, terrors, etc). I am in cognitive therapy and things are getting better. Your site made me realize a great deal, and was very comforting. I've been crying; reading about this and seeing my name glaringly pasted all over it. Thank you so much for sharing, and for all that you are doing. It's going to help a lot of people heal.
S.
TX USA - Wednesday, June 25, 2003 at 01:29:07 (EDT
Dear Chandra - my god what a story! The diabetes is a real problem for people with PTSD - I know too many people who end up with it, who have been traumatized. I will think about the movie and how you might get started. Some people write true story books for you. It is horrible to have this PTSD. And how one thing leads to another bad situation until it piles so high you can't think. I came here today because my husband has finally come home and I have PTS. I don't know what to do when I get triggered! And certainly he doesn't know. Lots of shame and feeling unlovable. I try to take care of him when I trigger - then I end up exhausted and pissed off. He is treating me like Gold, and I am afraid I will scare him away by freaking out. I do very good alone pacing myself, rather than pacing. Rest alot and don't push myself. My guy has a lot of energy, I feel guilty because I can't recipocate or keep up. I can't take a lot of "incoming traffic" takes too much time to process. Like some input about this. I work, I have some tenants coming, and all of a sudden I have too much stimulation and cannot sleep. Now I am grouchy, exhausted and my mind is racing. I am so afraid of my justified anger turning into rage. Like walking a tightrope...don't want to loose the guy I love.
Claudine Montoya
USA - Sunday, June 22, 2003 at 20:09:21 (EDT)
Hello! I have PTSD. I was under a lot of stress at my job. I was a single white female with a child to raise. The job held it over my head. I was used when someone else was promoted. Not just one time but several times. Several jobs added up. I was working 24 hours on call 7 days a week and working my regular duties from 8 AM till 5 PM. No more money but a lot of responsibilities. One day a disgruntled employee came in and shot 150 rounds of fire in a room and 6 were shot. Four died and two injuried badly. I was the first on the scene as I watched this employee leave. Needless to say I was fine, I thought until a month to the day after this incident. I am a diabetic and I passed out while eating. I was rushed to the emergency room. My blood sugar would go up and down within seconds. I continued to work. I passed out continuously. I ended up with a total hip replacement, ankle broke, tigger fingers repaired, right shoulder surgery and rotation of my right shoulder. I recently was placed on total disability because of this post tramatic stress. My immune system has increasely gotten worse. The worst part to me is it wasn't the disgruntled employee but the employer which caused all the problems for myself and others. I wish and hope this doesn't happen to anyone else. As a matter of fact, my social security representative and the judge told me my story was like a movie. They have encouraged me to get in touch with someone to make a movie but since I am disabled I don't know where to start. Can anyone help me? Good luck to you all and God Bless!
Chandra Levine
Gulfport, MS USA - Sunday, June 22, 2003 at 17:56:59 (EDT)
I have just read the first article having recently been diagnosed. Everything I read is me. I am sitting here in tears thinking at last I know what is wrong, thank you
Chris
Norfolk, UK - Thursday, June 12, 2003 at 01:58:35 (EDT)
Patience....Thanks for the inspiration.Your work has saved many, many souls.
BILL REED
Huntington Beach, Ca USA - Friday, June 06, 2003 at 00:14:23 (EDT)
Angel, I am coming to your guestbook having worked my way through Mr Mason's website and am now becoming interested in what you are doing too. Why would people spam a website? I can see they have, but that's very disrespectful. Anyway - just to say thank you for filling up with interest what was a moment ago a very uninteresting afternoon at work. I'm going to and read more....
Caroline Tarrant
Wiltshire, UK - Wednesday, June 04, 2003 at 10:39:33 (EDT)
Hi Patience, I thought fondly of you today as I met with a lovely Vietnam veteran wife. We will be starting a new support group, for wives, at the Santa Cruz County Vet Center in Capitola, California, where I have been the Team Leader since late September. I hope you are doing well.
Lucretia Mann
Santa Cruz, CA USA - Thursday, May 22, 2003 at 18:19:36 (EDT)
I just want to thank you and your husband for the support and information that you have given all of us on PTSD. I wish I could have chatted with you in Melbourne.. Maybe another time. Sincerley Lildog
Lildog
Ga USA - Wednesday, May 21, 2003 at 19:33:02 (EDT)
But does it actually work??
Patience
USA - Thursday, May 15, 2003 at 10:18:05 (EDT)
Hi! Here to repair the guest book...I'll be gone in a minute... (Thanks, SourceForge.)
Robert Mason
High Springs, FL USA - Wednesday, May 14, 2003 at 16:21:56 (EDT) |